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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Any former gymnasts or parents of gymnasts our there?

216 replies

PurpleRiverIsland · 10/07/2020 22:01

news.sky.com/story/british-gymnastics-claims-athletes-beaten-into-submission-amid-culture-of-fear-12022525

I witnessed and was victim of a lot of physical and emotional abuse when I was an elite gymnast at 3 different clubs and from 4 different coaches. I know some of the clubs these girls (speaking out in the media) went to and I’m not surprised at all about the allegations.

I’m wondering how prolific it was. What were your experiences of the sport?

YABU - I was/am involved in gymnastics and have never seen anything untoward

YANBU - I was/am involved in gymnastics and I witnessed physical or emotional abuse.

Please comment too if you would like to share your experiences.

OP posts:
PurpleRiverIsland · 10/07/2020 22:05

There’s some other stories on ITV

www.itv.com/news

OP posts:
andannabegins · 10/07/2020 22:13

Yes. I have a dd who is 15. She trained to county level. She went to 2 gyms. The first from the age of 3 destroyed her. She was never good enough, too fat etc. She was told to train on an injury to breaking point so she would know what that point was. She ended up not being able to put weight on her foot after she snapped her ligaments in her foot for 9 weeks. She was mentally bullied and beaten down. She moved to a different gym who also told her she was fat (she absolutely isn't) and continued the abuse. She left to dance (after she was told she had no rhythm and couldn't dance and was useless for years). And after only 2 years training is hoping to get into dance school next year and has an amazing teacher who tells her constantly how amazing she is but she can't hear that, she says she heard so many awful negative things for so long she is unable to believe anything nice anyone says. I don't know if she will ever get over it and I know I won't. I begged her to leave for years but she wouldn't. It's like Stockholm syndrome. She couldn't see it until she was out. And the worst thing is she would go back, she has been so brainwashed she would go back into the abuse

andannabegins · 10/07/2020 22:14

I will never forgive the women who took 20+ hours a week from my relationship with my child for 12 years and took her dreams from her.

june2007 · 10/07/2020 22:19

anfdannabegins, aren,t you the one who facilitated that relationship.?

Coldilox · 10/07/2020 22:19

I did gymnastics for 10 years but only at local level. I promise early on and I wanted to go to a more elite club, but my parents weren’t keen on committing me for as many hours as was expected. I’ll be forever grateful to them for that.

andannabegins · 10/07/2020 22:23

@june2007 she was a promising gymnast who dreamed of the olympics which resulted in her having a relationship with the coach which meant she felt she could do no wrong and should be believed. It was after about 6 years that we knew and then she would beg us not to make her leave because she loved her. Stockholm syndrome.

andannabegins · 10/07/2020 22:24

But I appreciate you blaming me. The mental breakdown I had when she left may have not been enough so I'm glad I can still be made to suffer for it

june2007 · 10/07/2020 22:28

This reply has been deleted

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Countrysidelife54 · 10/07/2020 22:31

A relative of mine did gymnastics from a young age, they treated her very poorly.
The training they put her through was too much on her body and she still suffers with the effects of it now.
She was moved clubs.

Frankola · 10/07/2020 22:31

Gymnast from age 4 to 18 here. I competed at county level.

I absolutely adored the sport. But yes, I would now say we endured physical and emotional abuse.

We were weighed every training session (at one point i trained 5 times a week) and if we were even 1lb over target weight we were called "chubby", "fat", "out of shape".

My key skills were floor, vault and tumble. I've trained on loads of injuries. They just tell you it's in your head and you arent hurt like you think you are. I once twisted my ankle in training and couldn't bear weight on it. They made me finish my tumble session. I went to the doctors afterwards and it was badly sprained. They even x-rayed it. When I called to skip training the following session I was told I needed to be back the one after or they wouldnt let me compete in a competition in 4 weeks time.

I also once twisted my back coming out of a tumble and I ended up going to lay down on the cold tile floor in the girls toilet as it hurt so much. One of the coaches came in, said "5 mins on an ice pack and that will be fine" and put me back on the track.

To this day my ankles, knees and back suffer. In the cold weather they actually hurt sometimes and I know it's from battering my joints and training on injuries.

Luckily, my principal coach was nothing like that. He was an amazing bloke and I loved him to bits. But I dreaded training with other coaches as some of them were just downright nasty.

It's funny but you dont realise the situation at the time. You think its standard. You dont question it. It's not until years later you realise.

grumpytoddler1 · 10/07/2020 22:31

I'd describe gymnastics in britain in the 90s as abusive, yes. Children as young as 5 were stretched until they sobbed, weighed regularly, shouted and screamed at, stripped naked to try on leotards.

There were also a large number of male coaches who were only coaching so that they could behave inappropriately with teenage girls.

I did think all that had gone now though, clearly I was wrong.

MoveConfused · 10/07/2020 22:32

@andannabegins I’m so sorry for what your daughter went through and the impact on you too. I’m following various conversations on this on twitter and there have been interesting comments about how hard the position of the parent is e.g. if you complain your child gets in trouble and then they stop telling you what’s happening etc, your child loves the sport and doesn’t want to change clubs despite abuse etc. It’s not straightforward at all. I hope dance helps your daughter.

parrotonmyshoulder · 10/07/2020 22:33

35 years ago for me though.
Was glad my children showed no interest in the sport whatsoever.

andannabegins · 10/07/2020 22:34

Yes, there were more than one coach but the elite gymnasts were trained by the head coach and were pushed and pushed. I was involved but she was alone in the gym for between 4 and 6 hours a day 6 days a week and no parents are allowed in the gym. I would see her from school finishing until 4 then the journey home til bed (1/2 an hour). Ask kids what they do at school they will not tell you every detail, same at the gym. I agree with competitive sports, my kids now compete in dance, and they are still pushed but not to breaking point. Have you read the articles or seen Athlete A. It was horrific and interestingly it is only since watching that and reading this stuff has some of the stuff that happened to my dd has come out. There have been lots of tears

TokyoSushi · 10/07/2020 22:34

I watched 'Athlete A' on Netflix earlier today about the US Gymnastic team/Larry Nassar abuse. It was an utterly fascinating and harrowing watch, those poor girls.

PurpleRiverIsland · 10/07/2020 22:34

@june2007 well your just lovely aren’t you! Accusing parents of colluding in their own child’s abuse is quite frankly the lowest thing I’ve ever seen on Mumsnet. you should be ashamed of yourself

OP posts:
grumpytoddler1 · 10/07/2020 22:36

Google Rebecca Owen. She was an elite gymnast who fractured her back but was forced to continue training by her coach. She ended up with a permanent injury and having to take strong painkillers daily for the rest of her life. She tried to sue the coach about ten years ago but I'm not sure she ever got anywhere.

andannabegins · 10/07/2020 22:37

@Frankola did your parents know how bad it was? My daughter has wrecked knees, hips, feet and wrists and is only 15. We are waiting to see if she can perhaps have an op when everything starts up again on a toe that needs fixing

Countrysidelife54 · 10/07/2020 22:37

'But I appreciate you blaming me. The mental breakdown I had when she left may have not been enough so I'm glad I can still be made to suffer for it'

@andannabegins SadFlowersFlowers

MoveConfused · 10/07/2020 22:37

@PurpleRiverIsland I’m sorry for what you experienced. I can’t comment as was only a rec gymnast and in a different country but even there we were aware of the harsher treatment of the top group. My dream was to be competitive though and I envied what I thought was the close coaching relationship between top gmnasts and their coaches. As I’ve grown up I’ve realised that generally those were not good relationships at all and it is very sad.

Queenoftheashes · 10/07/2020 22:38

My clubs were always fine. I’m quite surprised by this news... although one coach did call me “large” once. Cow.
It surprises me because you need to be strong for gymnastics so you don’t really want to steer young people towards eating disorders.

EggBoxes · 10/07/2020 22:39

Similar to @june2007 I am puzzled at @andannabegins passivity in this.

Rainbow12e · 10/07/2020 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleRiverIsland · 10/07/2020 22:40

@andannabegins Don’t listen to June. it’s not your fault. If you watch any of those videos the gymnasts all say they hid it from parents because if parents complained they were punished for it or risked being kicked off the team. I can confirm that was also my experience. The kick back from a parent complaint was so bad and nothing changed anyway so it wasn’t worth it!

OP posts:
tobee · 10/07/2020 22:41

I loved gymnastics as a child. Feel so sad for the young gymnasts and their relatives who experienced this in what should have been a lovely safe flourishing environment. Can't say I'm surprised though thinking about it; especially when you find out what happened in Eastern Europe during communism.

Makes me pretty angry how dreams were ruined/exploited.

Believed podcast about Larry Nassar is fascinating. But, hopefully, a one off.