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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is a weird, oddly specific and controlling request from ex

94 replies

Musereader · 10/07/2020 19:59

My sister split up with her husband early this year and for reasons communication from stbx to DC is by video and audio message.

The end of one audio message is "I have bought you presents, but first i need to see a happy video from all of you (DC names) all of you saying that you are happy that you are going to get presents and once I see the video I will (send them to you)"

Sis did not play this part of the message to the DC as she did not want to make them beg and instead sent stbx videos of DC playing and saying love you to daddy.

Stbx sent another message saying love you back and talking about the videos that were sent and at the end he says " I asked (last time) and I am waiting for your video saying that you do want presents from daddy because I've got some presents for you (vague description of presents - a large one small one fun one ect) can you send me a video saying yes daddy yes I'm happy that you want to give me presents and I want them, when I see this I will give them to you"

Is this controlling and my sister right to not play these or are we being unreasonable to think so?

OP posts:
Dmacka75 · 10/07/2020 20:01

Its horribly controlling and there is no way I would show that to the DCs or comply with his request!

MidnightCitrus · 10/07/2020 20:02

the fucker is controlling - tell him, if he wants to send gifts, then send them.

if they are wrapped, she will unwrap with them on the next video call

Penhaligon · 10/07/2020 20:04

It's controlling and a power trip.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 10/07/2020 20:04

Controlling. Is she saving the messages? Like downloading them somewhere and not just leaving them on messenger or whatever? Could be excellent evidence if she needs it at a later stage.

Billyjoearmstrong · 10/07/2020 20:05

Bloody hell, what Is wrong with him? Absolute twat.

ImaginaryCat · 10/07/2020 20:05

That is supremely fucked up and yes, one of the most controlling things I've heard. Do not play that shit to the kids, they don't want or need his presents.

CodenameVillanelle · 10/07/2020 20:06

That is so creepy and horrible. Your sister should simply not engage.

VeniceQueen2004 · 10/07/2020 20:08

Do the reasons behind the video and voice message contact also prohibit him from sending them gifts by any chance? (I'm thinking access restricted due to abuse basically). Just wondering if he is aiming to cover his arse from acting in contempt of a court ruling. But I may be waaaay off base.

gamerchick · 10/07/2020 20:08

Not a chance I would play along with that.

Send a message back saying that they can be unwrapped and videoed if he wants but that's it. Then ignore any more. He can stick his presents.

MsVestibule · 10/07/2020 20:08

That is seriously strange. When phone/FaceTime/Skype is fee and easy to use, why can they can only communicate by recorded message? Is it court ordered? I'm taking a wild guess that this isn't the first time he's exhibited controlling behaviour...

MojoJojo71 · 10/07/2020 20:10

Fuck that! What a weirdo

I’d just tell him to either send them or don’t send them but hell would freeze over before I’d make my kids perform to order for him

narrowboatgirl · 10/07/2020 20:11

It’s like a line from a horror film.

redwinefine · 10/07/2020 20:12

That's absolutely disgusting. Your sister is right not to show them how truly awful their df is

pointythings · 10/07/2020 20:13

That's hideously controlling, your Dsis is completely right not to collude in it. Presents are nowhere near as important as the DCs wellbeing and having mindgames played by your dad is really unhealthy.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 10/07/2020 20:13

Send the twisted fucker a gift from the dc. An empty box.
Imagine his face thinking he was worth something.
Grin

PeppermintPasty · 10/07/2020 20:16

Wowsers, hideously controlling. Fuck him and his presents, what a creep.

Gemma2019 · 10/07/2020 20:16

He obviously thinks your sister either won't give them the gifts or will try to pass them off as from her, so is setting the kids up to expect them from him. Twisted bastard.

MitziK · 10/07/2020 20:17

Fuck that. Get them excited about getting presents, perform for him and then he has the ability to say in the next message 'you're not getting them because [add something shit about Mummy]'

SayakaMurata · 10/07/2020 20:18

That is extremely weird. I would definitely not agree to do this.

BeanbagMcTavish · 10/07/2020 20:24

Eeew, creepy. There is no possible good reason for this and the kids need to be protected from this manipulation (and from him).

Original poster
Musereader · 10/07/2020 20:26

She does have a non molestation order on him, but only relates to harrassment from him. He can and has sent presents to the house before and has had a live streamed gift reveal (though he tried to cover it up he was suprised they were not wrapped and did not seem sure which one was for which child)

She requested and got the non mol and he has contested it, the contestation court date has been delayed to later in the year.

He was having in person contact supervised by our dad, but he managed to offend our dad that he refused to supervise anymore and sis will not see him. He has repeatedly been told to apply for a child arrangements order but keeps claiming that he didn't know he had to.

OP posts:
echodot · 10/07/2020 20:28

Sounds like he has a GF on the wings so he can play her these videos

MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 10/07/2020 20:31

God yes very controlling and creepy.

bonjonbovi · 10/07/2020 20:32

I would reply to him with one word.

Why?

Candyfloss99 · 10/07/2020 20:33

If I were her I wouldn't be sending him any videos of anything ever.