To think this is a weird, oddly specific and controlling request from ex

[Musereader]

My sister split up with her husband early this year and for reasons communication from stbx to DC is by video and audio message.

The end of one audio message is "I have bought you presents, but first i need to see a happy video from all of you (DC names) all of you saying that you are happy that you are going to get presents and once I see the video I will (send them to you)"

Sis did not play this part of the message to the DC as she did not want to make them beg and instead sent stbx videos of DC playing and saying love you to daddy.

Stbx sent another message saying love you back and talking about the videos that were sent and at the end he says " I asked (last time) and I am waiting for your video saying that you do want presents from daddy because I've got some presents for you (vague description of presents - a large one small one fun one ect) can you send me a video saying yes daddy yes I'm happy that you want to give me presents and I want them, when I see this I will give them to you"

Is this controlling and my sister right to not play these or are we being unreasonable to think so?

Fucking hell. It's very 'it puts the lotion on it's back', isn't it? Your poor sister, having to manage that level of twattery. Hope she's saving it all.

What a twat. Does your sis communicate with him at all? Or could she have a message passed on saying ‘I will not make my children beg for gifts’.

What a creep

Tell her to keep the videos for court usage in future. Shows his controlling behaviour.

Fucking awful

Creepy

@echodot the split was precipitated by sisters discovery of other woman...

@veniceQueen2004 only a non mol to prohibit him contacting her. There is no court order regarding the children yet. My dad was actually facilitating contact with kids initially until stbx pissed him off with some lies. We think he got stuck in a city halfway across country where OW is when lockdown hit. He may be back now.

He sounds like a complete weirdo 😳

He sounds like a complete weirdo 😳

@Cherrysoup due to the non mol all messages are via his sister who keeps proclaiming innocence on his part whenever anything happens (belongings missing, post redirected, benefits suspended and reduced)

Sounds like he is looking to keep evidence that he sends the children presents for some reason . Evidence he is a generous dad ?

He is obviously extremely controlling and potentially volatile. The fact that she has had to get a non mol order is pretty damning. For that reason, in your Dsis shoes I would go passive agressive rather than confrontational. Something like:

'Eh? You do realise this sounds like you are making them beg for a gift which they haven't even asked for? I'm sure you didn't mean it like that, and hopefully you can see that now. I'm sure they'll love whatever it so, so please do, or don't, send the gifts, but let's teach them to give with good grace shall we?"

A bit of a 'did you mean to be so rude' but to a controlling fucker.

I bet you're both so glad she's out of that relationship! Xx

Am I being twitchy, or does that sound kinda sinister?
I'd be worried about what the gifts were going to be, tbh. I'd be thinking horses' heads in the bed or something.
(NB - I work in the criminal justice system so I'm hyper tuned to weird shit. But that sounds a bit threatening, to me.)

It sounds very controlling of him

Are the videos and audio messages back and forth between him and the kids pre recorded...or does he call them and video chat?

Could it be possible that he is thinking your sister is sending him recordings of the kids but not playing his videos to them, and he wants them to say all that so he knows they actually are getting to watch his videos?

Has your sister asked him why he wants the kids to say that in a video?

That’s really bad. Don’t play them to the children, or engage in this sort of bullshit, but keep hold of them.

Urgh. Creepy.

Either he wants to send them presents or he doesn't. They don't need to beg for them, they're not puppies.

He's a controlling tw*t. Your sister should not engage.

Horrible behaviour, absolutely awful

Rather than waiting for him to go to court, I would suggest she needs to get help regarding this now. Womens Aid would be able to signpost her but I would start with Social Services.

There isnt a court in the land that would be ok with that. So whatever the hell his "clever" plan is, it is going to backfire.

If its sent via whatsapp, make sure she backs them up because you can sometimes remove videos on the app for all the people in the conversation so he can delete it.

Very controlling and actually really quite creepy. What a strange thing to demand.

She requested and got the non mol and he has contested it, the contestation court date has been delayed to later in the year.

Make sure she keeps all his creepy messages.

Yup, horrible, controlling, and damaging to the children.

Your sister is doing brilliantly, and as a PP said, she needs to keep these to show a court or anyone else who might wish to promote contact with the children.

I suspect what he is trying to do is get a video of the kids going nuts, we love you daddy etc and then use it in court. Of course what he is forgetting is that the insistent request of "Tell me you love me, tell me you want the presents, tell me how excited you are" is so damning and damaging to his "case" such as it is, that he is doing the OP's job for her.

And of course, he cant make her suffer so he is trying to buy the children so he can "prove" they love him more.....

Fucked up creepy fucking weirdo. Good for her for getting out, that must have taken some strength if this is what he is like. Give her a hug from me, a fellow escapee.