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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a weird, oddly specific and controlling request from ex

94 replies

Musereader · 10/07/2020 19:59

My sister split up with her husband early this year and for reasons communication from stbx to DC is by video and audio message.

The end of one audio message is "I have bought you presents, but first i need to see a happy video from all of you (DC names) all of you saying that you are happy that you are going to get presents and once I see the video I will (send them to you)"

Sis did not play this part of the message to the DC as she did not want to make them beg and instead sent stbx videos of DC playing and saying love you to daddy.

Stbx sent another message saying love you back and talking about the videos that were sent and at the end he says " I asked (last time) and I am waiting for your video saying that you do want presents from daddy because I've got some presents for you (vague description of presents - a large one small one fun one ect) can you send me a video saying yes daddy yes I'm happy that you want to give me presents and I want them, when I see this I will give them to you"

Is this controlling and my sister right to not play these or are we being unreasonable to think so?

OP posts:

FenellaVelour · 10/07/2020 23:37

I would start with Social Services.

Social services won’t do anything. The children aren’t at risk. Your sister just needs to keep doing what she’s doing, and save the messages in case he files proceedings in court.

AnnaSW1 · 10/07/2020 23:39

Sounds like a request for a hostage video.

AnnaSW1 · 10/07/2020 23:39

Sounds like a request for a hostage video.

willloman · 10/07/2020 23:48

Sounds weird, what does he want to use the footage for?
A big no. Children asking for presents? A gift is something unexpected surely, otherwise it's more like a bribe/weird power play. Would definitely not be encouraging this sort of weird demand.

FortunesFave · 11/07/2020 00:05

I wonder if he's thinking she isn't showing him the full videos and this is his weird way of checking?

Either way your sister's right to ignore and not show.

StormTreader · 11/07/2020 00:55

I feel like maybe hes going to claim in court that "their mum never spends any money on them or ever gets them any presents, they were so excited for mine because they know she just spends any money I send on herself".

DuineArBith · 11/07/2020 01:06

She needs to tell him if he can't act like a normal adult parent he can keep his sodding presents.

Nitpickpicnic · 11/07/2020 01:13

Disney-dadding by proxy? Hell to the NO!

I’d play dumb with a few more ‘Sorry, what exactly do you need them to say/do?’ as though I was intending to puppet-master for him. As much detail as possible. All via text.

If he’s that controlling, he won’t be able to help himself.

The Courts will love that stuff...

Bunnymumy · 11/07/2020 01:13

Be needs that video for proof of something.

Maybe to say they are on talking terms and she is even happy to accept gifts ect...from him despite the order. So can can go psyco again (and have much more contact) and claim she was ok with this.

sergeilavrov · 11/07/2020 01:17

A big one, a small one, a fun one? I’d be concerned about what this video is for given the language.

“Daddy please give me my present, I’m so excited about the big one.”

Sadly, having worked in child protection related industries once upon a time, this type of video is not something you want to make. Keep requests and don’t let your sister do it

Chloemol · 11/07/2020 01:18

I would just continue to ignore the messages. Not play them to the kids, but keep them as evidence as to why he should have limited contact with them, and for the divorce as they show how controlling he is

NeutrinoWrangler · 11/07/2020 01:24

That is very creepy. I agree with PP that it feels like he's trying to manipulate the children into making a video that will suit some specific purpose or goal he has in mind. I don't know what that purpose could be, but I'd do my best to avoid giving him what he wants!

1forAll74 · 11/07/2020 02:23

It's the mindset of a controlling and oddly weird person, and a bit cruel as well.

VimFuego101 · 11/07/2020 03:16

@PyongyangKipperbang

I suspect what he is trying to do is get a video of the kids going nuts, we love you daddy etc and then use it in court. Of course what he is forgetting is that the insistent request of "Tell me you love me, tell me you want the presents, tell me how excited you are" is so damning and damaging to his "case" such as it is, that he is doing the OP's job for her.

And of course, he cant make her suffer so he is trying to buy the children so he can "prove" they love him more.....

Fucked up creepy fucking weirdo. Good for her for getting out, that must have taken some strength if this is what he is like. Give her a hug from me, a fellow escapee.

I thought this too.

Jux · 11/07/2020 16:35

Make sure your sis keeps copies of those videos; they'll be really helpful to the Court when it comes to making a decision about contact.

Let him hang himself, just give him enough rope.

Original poster

Musereader · 11/07/2020 18:13

When they did live chats he kept trying to talk to my sister and protest his innocence. When he had in person visits he would try to trash talk her to the kids. Asking if she had been mean and making them do thier lessons and or if she had hit them or fed them properly, anything like that. The older ones got bored of him because he wouldn't stop talking about thier mum and barely noticed what they were trying to tell him.

OP posts:

KetoWinnie · 11/07/2020 18:19

He sounds just like my x.

Tell him "do what you feel is right" and leave it there.

He wants to cast his family and x wife as muppets in his circus. Dont walk that tightrope

StrangeLookingParasite · 11/07/2020 22:16

@Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe

OMG..whats wrong with the pillock? I would suggest a simple fuck off with that crap you idiot...he either gives the presents willingly or he shoves them up his arse ..would be my response! I will never get a job as a diplomat but thats exactly how I would handle it....

Absolutely agree with Sally. (I will also never be a diplomat).

Got what a manipulative freak-feature.

Centaurpede · 11/07/2020 22:23

I would definitely not do this! It sounds very weird and creepy, and it sounds like the intention is for it to be used as evidence for something. Custody or more contact etc.

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