To think this is a weird, oddly specific and controlling request from ex

[Musereader]

My sister split up with her husband early this year and for reasons communication from stbx to DC is by video and audio message.

The end of one audio message is "I have bought you presents, but first i need to see a happy video from all of you (DC names) all of you saying that you are happy that you are going to get presents and once I see the video I will (send them to you)"

Sis did not play this part of the message to the DC as she did not want to make them beg and instead sent stbx videos of DC playing and saying love you to daddy.

Stbx sent another message saying love you back and talking about the videos that were sent and at the end he says " I asked (last time) and I am waiting for your video saying that you do want presents from daddy because I've got some presents for you (vague description of presents - a large one small one fun one ect) can you send me a video saying yes daddy yes I'm happy that you want to give me presents and I want them, when I see this I will give them to you"

Is this controlling and my sister right to not play these or are we being unreasonable to think so?

[SoulofanAggron]

YANBU. Weird and creepy.

[EmbarrassedUser]

What a weirdo. She should tell him to shove the presents where the sun don’t shine.

[Ohtherewearethen]

Something seems very off about this. I thought creepy and sinister along with lots of PPs.
The children haven't asked for these gifts but are having to meet certain criteria to 'earn' them which is entirely out of their control. If he said something like, make sure you do everything Mummy asks you to and I'll buy you xyz, I wouldn't think there was anything really to worry about but giving such specific requests to his children and wanting them to say particular phrases and behave a certain way in a recorded video rather than live chat is weird.
I would support your sister in realising she doesn't have to dance to his tune and he cannot use his children manipulatively to get what he wants. They've got to find out what he's really like some day

[EggysMom]

I suspect what he is trying to do is get a video of the kids going nuts, we love you daddy etc and then use it in court

Exactly my thoughts. He's got a purpose in mind for that video.

[Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe]

OMG..whats wrong with the pillock? I would suggest a simple fuck off with that crap you idiot...he either gives the presents willingly or he shoves them up his arse ..would be my response! I will never get a job as a diplomat but thats exactly how I would handle it....

[LinManWellWellWell]

Oh gosh your poor sister. I agree with the previous poster who said she should seek advice now. Women’s Aid seems like a good place to start. Urgh he sounds awful.

[bitofasleuth]

He wants them to practically grovel and plead with him before he will give them a present. That is disturbing behaviour, he's sick in the head.

[Sewrainbow]

Fucking weird! Tell him that those videos wont even be shown to the kids, they don't need his presents...

Poor kids

[ToBBQorNotToBBQ]

Very controlling. I would be worried about his frame of mind.

[Thighdentitycrisis]

Ha,
My ex tried this years ago before video calls, he sent a birthday card to dc (8 or 9) who was non contact with him which said write and tell me what you want for your birthday and I will get it for you. Dc saw straight through it and said “he knows what I want,......” and we left it there. I hate it when people try to manipulate their children

[AIMD]

God yea save all these weird messages.
It’s not appropriate at all and I’d be keeping it as evidence to stop future direct contact.

[Smallsteps88]

He’s up to something OP. Expect a court summons to arrive soon. He’s going for contact or something. He wants the videos for proof of something.

[katmarie]

He's up to something, for sure. What could a vengeful, unhinged ex do with a video of children begging for presents? I'm sure he would find a way to try and twist it to imply that they kids are not being given what they need from their mum so they have to beg dad for it. Or, look see, the kids adore me, they think I'm great blah blah. It's manipulative and controlling and not to be trusted. Fortunatelly it's also not too bright and pretty obvious a tactic, so your sis can mentally arm herself for whatever bullshit might be coming next, safe in the knowledge that she should be ble to spot it a mile off.

[Moutainwoman]

Maybe he suspects the gifts will not be given to the children unless they are specifically anticipating them. Experience of Stbx selling gifts intended for children on eBay saying you obviously don't care or you would have sent gifts

[Lilymossflower]

Very controlling I would advise least contact as possible with him and DC !

[VenusTiger]

I think this is a trap @Musereader he's asking the kids to beg in effect and this will come across on the video which he may use in the mol contest - he may be trying to get across that the kids "need" him and are only happy when daddy is around. Your DSis needs to tread very carefully here imo - she needs to keep these video requests from him and don't engage any further re. presents until the court appearance.

[Lilymossflower]

Btw absolutely don't comply with any of his weird requests, and undoubtedly if he sees the kids in person or live video chat, he will sneak in more weird manipulative questions and things so best avoid that at all costs

[ScreamingBeans]

Creepy weirdie control freak.

I hope your dsis has kept this message so that she can show it to the court and someone there may have their wits about them and realise what bad news this man is.

[LLLovemydoggies]

Is he using it as an excuse to drop presents off, rather than send them?

[WhereYouLeftIt]

A gift is not a gift if there are strings attached. 'I will give you X if you do Y' means that X is a payment not a gift. And since Y is a recorded video, yes I would suspect some ulterior motive. He wants that video of his children saying that for something.

I would not be letting the children know about his demands. I would protect my children from his manipulations.

[Abitannoying]

YADNBU - yes she should save all the messages he sends her which include these horrible requests, and absolutely not bow to any of them.

I am so glad he is her ex he sounds utterly vile.

[BestZebbie]

That is a very creepy request - 99.9% likely it is creepy because he wants to use it to directly or indirectly harm the mother+children family unit in some way, but I bet there are also a few people on the internet who would enjoy watching a video of some random children excited about the promise of being given something shortly, too. Don't send it!

[shinyredbus]

Wtf?! He’s mental.

[myohmywhatawonderfulday]

It makes me feel weird and I would also echo everyone's advice to limit interactions with him and to not engage with bizarre manipulative requests.

[CelestialSpanking]

As others have said, it’s controlling and out of order of him to behave like this and he has an ulterior motive- probably wants evidence of what a “good” dad he is. I swear I don’t know what’s with this type of men- they think they’re so clever or something and need a short, sharp shock to realise that actually, they’re not the ones holding all the power.

Good luck to your sister in her dealings with him. She’s doing the right thing not giving into his pathetic demands.