To ask for a database of put-downs?

[Arschgeige]

I was in the bakers earlier and some old guy decided to do some queue jumping. When I pulled him up on it he denied knowing that he was actually behind me in the queue and proceeded to tell me that I’m not good-looking enough for him to notice me that I was standing in front of him. Maybe I’m being a bit pearl-clutching here but this has left me fuming. How dare he reduce me to my looks just because I had the audacity to pull him up. When he told me I wasn’t pretty enough all I managed to say was something like „oh are you always so charming to women who you don’t know?“ to which the prick then said „only to women who whinge“. What could I have said to him to have shut him up for good? I really need a store of put-downs to fire off in these moments!

I use "The view from your ego must be breathtaking"

"Were you born stupid or do you work at it?"

"really -Oh do go away you silly old fool"
Take a 2 mile walk on a 1 mile pier with a brick (thank you ds that was one of your favourites in the 60's)

I'd say, 'what an absolute charmer you are!'

'Don't try to be clever, it doesn't suit you.'

You're certainly ugly enough for ME to have noticed YOU queue jumping

That's the one that works best in this context.

Hope you got your money back from
charm school?

"Wow, classy" (dripping with condescension) has worked well for me. Follow up with "the end of the line is over there"

Ah thanks for all your suggestions, you’ve made me laugh, you lovely lot. Because I’m a vindictive cow, I took a photo of his car so if I see it again I’ll just key it 😂 Sweet silent revenge 😉

I would've just given him a straight out "go fuck yourself, misogynistic old cunt'.

@Arschgeige

Ah thanks for all your suggestions, you’ve made me laugh, you lovely lot. Because I’m a vindictive cow, I took a photo of his car so if I see it again I’ll just key it 😂 Sweet silent revenge 😉

Really?!

"Did you mean to be so rude?" is the zenith of withering put downs, guaranteed to stop anyone in their tracks and have them burning with shame. Don't forget the head tilt.

It doesn't stop people. I was purposely rude to an equally rude person once and they spun this.

If someone goes back with "yes", there isn't much they can say.

I simply said "Stay a little longer, I've only just started". Nothing much they could say.

I have used all of these:

Say loudly “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a comedian in the house” then to him “do carry on, dear...”

“have you finished?”

“Ooh, if your mother could hear you now.....”

“You’re a real hero, aren’t you....I bet there’s a queue of women outside your house.....”

“How nice!”

Patronising stare and ‘silly boy’ has wide useage

@Arschgeige just remembered, years ago when a man a few years younger than me reduced me to my looks, I replied "yes, your attitudes are typical of an older man". He was a bit 🤔 (he was if anything a year or 2 younger, but id just agreed with him)
So I felt that was a handy but calm and civilised response.

He is probably dying to put me back in my place with a put down he thought of 24 hours later.

@SynchroSwimmer

A loud “standback everyone, this man wants to be at the front of your queue”!!

Love this one

'Ooh, classy. With a capital K.'

@youhave4substitutes I’m extremely cutting and it was very funny at the time. Guess you had to be there