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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Built a cabin and neighbour not happy.

202 replies

ReginaaPhalange · 09/07/2020 16:39

This week, we built a cabin in our back garden and we have complied 100% with guidance which states the highest point must not exceed 2.5m in height. Our cabin is 2.3m at its highest point. We have not put it up against the fence, we have left a good amount of room to fit an adult down the back and around the sides for painting, maintenance and pick up any weeds etc.

On Tuesday, my DH was doing the roof and his bottle of water went into the neighbours garden. This neighbour lives at the back of us, so I went round and politely advised her of what had happened and asked if I could go into her garden and collect the bottle of water and any off cuts that may have come away too. She allowed me to do this and there was literally the water and one small piece of wood, so I took that away and said to my DH who was still on the roof to be careful and he even shouted over to the neighbour to apologise.

When I went to leave, she came out her back door (we were keeping 2m apart) and started saying she's not happy about the cabin, said it's in her view when she looks out of her kitchen window and told me she had spoken to her children (they're away from home with kids etc so probably similar ages with me (30's) )and her kids were apparently not happy either Incase it blocks out the sun. I can confirm when I went round, this was not the case, the sun was beating down and her garden was not obstructed.

Further more, the neighbour said she was not happy that we had not told her of our plans and that we should have told her. I did tell my husband prior to delivery of the cabin that we should maybe tell her, but he said as it was within the guidance of height etc, it did not require planning permission and he didn't need to advise her. In hindsight I wish I maybe did give her a heads up.

Yesterday when DH was tidying up the edging of the room, he overheard the neighbour moaning on the phone saying it's such an eye sore, how it was just there when she came home and how disappointed it is. Now, I fully understand if she had beautiful views from her kitchen window, but she doesn't. Her window looks out to her back garden, fence then the back of our house.

Today, her friend walked around to our house, stood at the end of my driveway, looked into the garden, shook her head and walked away. I didn't say anything as I had just come out the shower and still had my towel around me (I was looking out for the yodel courier when I noticed it).

Further more, 3 years ago, when me and DH were at work, she had her BIL hack away the base of our fence so she would double panel the fence. The fence is owned by us and on our boundary and she acknowledged that, but she never told us she was going to do it. We just found out when we came home from work to find half the base of our fence gone!! We never kicked off, we actually went to her door to ask her if we could panel OUR fence up the back. She was fine and so were we. We have never spoken to her since as you can't see her in the garden as fence is double panelled, we live on different streets so we both have different entrance/ exit routes and our paths have never crossed so it's not a case of avoiding her.

Earlier when I was upstairs I noticed her at the fence (I was talking out to husband asking what he wanted for lunch). She was snooping around and I can only think she was maybe looking for off cuts which fell into her garden, but DH said there's definitely nothing there as he peeked over and checked.

I'm not sure if I should say something to her or just leave it and just hope she leaves it alone, but our neighbours next door who we get on brilliantly with have said they have had problems with her snooping before, peeking over the fence and asking when they had a baby as she saw baby clothes on the line (they have never spoken to her before)

3 years ago btw, she told us her name was (let's say) Barbara (not her real name), but when I was speaking to her on Tuesday, I said "it's Barbara isn't it?" And she said "no, it's Mavis(changed)." I found that a bit off too.... even DH had said to me no, she definitely told us her name was Barbara(charged).

Odd... anyway, I digress. Should I leave it or approach her about it, maybe give her flowers as an apology for not telling her about the cabin?

Cabin will be used as a wee gym for me (treadmill and weights) and she knows this. She did say "thank god it's not a hot tub"

OP posts:
GreyishDays · 09/07/2020 17:12

Ideally a diagram or even a photo would help :-)

simonisnotme · 09/07/2020 17:16

you should see the extension our neighbours did, it blocks out part of the skyline/view of the hills from our sons bedroom window but we couldnt object. what we did do was to move our summer house so that they couldnt see down our garden from their balcony thing, i think they or their adult kids were more miffed than us Grin

WhatKatyDidNxt · 09/07/2020 17:20

@TheQueef exactly this

Engaging will encourage her so avoid at all costs. My neighbours do lots of things l don’t like, it’s just one of those things. If it’s legal then it’s tough basically

crosseyedMary · 09/07/2020 17:21

in the end she blocked their house sale for 4 months, got an MP involved at spent 10k of her own money to get it removed as it was damaging her mental health
Shock
omg what makes her think she can boss them about like that!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/07/2020 17:22

Has it obstructed her view of the back of your house to the extent that she now can't be nosy? Because it sounds to me like her primary concern is not being able to see into your property as freely as before.

I think you might just have nailed it there!

OP, can you ask her for a list of her objections, to enable you to review them one by one and check that all is in order? Sometimes, asking unreasonable people to state their objections clearly in writing, rather than them just muttering vaguely about 'not being happy', can show them up for how very pathetic they are. Any complaints about non-compliance with regulations and sunlight etc will be extremely easy to counter. Surely, she wouldn't be so brazen as to add 'privacy concerns: I can no longer ignore your privacy and nosey into your garden' Grin

TenShortStories · 09/07/2020 17:23

The flowers are nice idea but I don't think they'll achieve what you're hoping for - I'd say there's a chance they could be perceived as apology flowers, thereby admitting to wrongdoing and giving her even more ammunition: "See, you knew you were doing wrong sticking that monstrosity there, and now you're trying to placate me with flowers! Well, it's not going to work!". That sort of thing.

I would just be friendly and and as normal as possible whenever you happen see her. It's quite disarming when one party doesn't acknowledge that there's meant to be bad feeling and it gives her an easy out from her bad behaviour if she does get bored of it/change her mind.

I had a neighbour who got really aggressive when I called the rspca about a stray cat in our garden. The RSPCA came to try to catch it a few times (unsuccessfully). It then turned out it was sort of her cat (it was stray but she was 'looking after it') and she went ballistic saying how cruel we were, didn't we know what they did to cats, how shocked she was at the example we were setting for our children, all very OTT.

It really upset me for a while and whenever she walked past she would turn away in a huffy manner. In the end I just started smiling and saying hi, asking how she was, complimenting her flowers etc (just passing friendly comments, not long conversations). After a few weeks she just joined in with behaving like a normal neighbour and now smiles and waves too. I think it could easily have become a feud though, but I just pretended like I hadn't realised and it really diffused the situation. The cat is never mentioned of course, and nor should your cabin be Grin

planningaheadtoday · 09/07/2020 17:25

Smile and wave.........

You've done nothing wrong in the slightest. Just enjoy your garden.

mumwon · 09/07/2020 17:26

no @Covidiot you don't have to be that distance your mixing it up with brick building different kettle of fish Grin & that's I metre & party wall act & permission - wooden out buildings have simpler rules

OP ignore ignore ignore

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/07/2020 17:27

Some people just like having something to moan about.

Yes, this. COVID has made these people think their birthdays and Christmases have all come at once, being able to report anybody they reckon might have been breaking the rules on lockdown and SD and shaming non-NHS-clappers. They have such tiny, narrow little lives that the most inconsequential and insignificant things perturb them greatly, even when they have absolutely nothing at all to do with them and don't affect them.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 09/07/2020 17:27

I'd absolutely ignore her. The reaction of Barbara/Mavis/Batshit Bertha also shows that you were right not to tell her before you put the cabin up; imagine the complaints you'd have had!

Let her get on with her whinging; you've done nothing wrong and she'll have to learn to live with it. She'll find something else to mither on about sooner or later.

Splattherat · 09/07/2020 17:27

I would leave it she sounds the type who likes to have something to moan about so it won’t matter what you do i.e. give her flowers, bake her a cake, bottle of wine, box of chocs, voucher for a meal out etc,

Gingefringe · 09/07/2020 17:28

Get a hot tub.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 09/07/2020 17:29

Out of interest, how high is the fence? Are you allowed under planning to increase the fence height to above the roof height?

BlueBrian · 09/07/2020 17:30

Ignore her, she's either after some money, or a nutter.

MillyDilly · 09/07/2020 17:30

@Covidiot

I thought any garden buildings had to be 2m away from the boundary. You said you’ve left space “for an adult” which doesn’t sound like 2m.

I’m no expert (and would love to have a garden building but would be difficult if the 2m rule correct so I’d actually be very happy to be wrong!)

No, of course they don’t. How many people have their sheds in the middle of their gardens? Surely we all have them next to the fence?
InvincibleInvisibility · 09/07/2020 17:31

Definitely don't do flowers. Our neighbour complained about the noise once. I bought her flowers to apologise. She then waged a war against us, harassing us several times a day, complaining to the management company and the police - no one ever came cos we weren't making unreasonable noise. This went on for YEARS. She even complained about my 2 year old at 11am on Christmas day...

When we moved it was a huge relief to be away from her.

Rhine · 09/07/2020 17:32

Really OP?

Yesmate · 09/07/2020 17:32

Ignore her. Lockdown has made people so moany and desperate for something to twitch about. She’s probably gutted she can’t see in to your garden and nose at what you are doing now. Don’t take flowers, she doesn’t deserve them. Buy some for yourself instead.

Jengnr · 09/07/2020 17:32

@Gingefringe

Get a hot tub.
This is exactly what I was coming to say!
Tanyaaah · 09/07/2020 17:32

Get a hot tub

Tanyaaah · 09/07/2020 17:33

Ha, great minds...

TheShoesa · 09/07/2020 17:33

Your neighbour does not own the view!

SnickettyLemon · 09/07/2020 17:33

My DH built a cabin in our back garden. It also complied with planning permission etc. The neighbour that backed onto us complained..............because she could no longer see into our kitchen!!

mumwon · 09/07/2020 17:34

planning permission MAY be necessary if the building is too big or too high or takes up too much garden (percentage) or if used for business, you have to many visitors or traffic/deliveries ect

TheLoveOfMoney · 09/07/2020 17:34

I have a 8 x 14 foot cabin at the end of my garden, 2 foot away from the fence all around, not once have I asked a neighbour what they thought, Its my garden and it's legal. Don't sweat it OP

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