Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset my friends got me drunk

113 replies

Kia123456 · 09/07/2020 14:50

So this actually happened last summer but it's been playing on my mind lately.

Basically I was at a BBQ at a friends house and pretty much everyone was drinking. I'm not a big drinker and was sticking to soft drinks that night. No reason other than that's what I wanted to do. My friends were all drinking cocktails and they asked if I wanted them to make me some non alcoholic ones. Turns out they were alcoholic. I didn't realise as I couldn't taste the alcohol.
After about 4 or 5 I realised I was starting to feel drunk and confronted them. They confessed and we all ended up arguing. One friend in particular was quite nasty saying I was always boring and they just wanted me to have fun for a change.

I left and things have never been quite the same since.

I was upset because they broke my trust. I was my decision to drink or not and I don't think I should be considered boring because I don't want to get drunk.
Also, they had no way of knowning if I had another reason for not drinking. What if I'd been pregnant or on medication?

AIBU to still feel upset about this nearly a year later?

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 09/07/2020 16:36

These are not your friends.

They could have put your safety at risk and you did not consent to this. You explicitly stated your boundaries and they ignored them.

This does not make you bored.

See them for what they are and move on.

Deathraystare · 09/07/2020 16:38

How many non drinkers tell drinkers to stop being boring & not drink for a change?

Exactly! Drinkers can be bores too!

AzraiL · 09/07/2020 16:39

YANBU.

It's your body, and only you get to decide what goes in it.

Those idiots spiked your drink. It is a complete and utter violation.

I'd never speak to them again.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Pleasestoprainingnow · 09/07/2020 16:45

Why is it usually the drinkers wanting the non drinkers to drink with them?

Happens with food as well to be fair. Some people can't be comfortable with their own choices and have to have company.

5foot5 · 09/07/2020 16:45

How many non drinkers tell drinkers to stop being boring & not drink for a change?

[Grin] Good observation!

I do like a drink. Absolutely I do. But on the occasions when I have been the non-drinker, e.g. when pregnant or when I am the one driving, I can't help noticing how the drinking friends are nowhere near as hilarious or profound as they probably think they are. Even if they are not exactly pissed they can often be repetitive and a bit silly but probably think they are all making perfect sense and having a whale of a time.You just have to smile and nod.

AnneOfQueenSables · 09/07/2020 16:50

YWNBU to be upset at the time. It's a horrible thing to do and they're not friends.
YABU to still be upset a year later. It happened. You were fine. You learnt what they were like. I'd be glad that I found out they were lying idiots in a safe environment. It could have been much worse. It wasn't.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 09/07/2020 16:51

But on the occasions when I have been the non-drinker, e.g. when pregnant or when I am the one driving, I can't help noticing how the drinking friends are nowhere near as hilarious or profound as they probably think they are

Yup. When people are drunk they always think they are scintillating and charming when usually they are boorish, tedious and repetitive.

RedToothBrush · 09/07/2020 16:51

@Pleasestoprainingnow

Why is it usually the drinkers wanting the non drinkers to drink with them?

Happens with food as well to be fair. Some people can't be comfortable with their own choices and have to have company.

Hell yes.

This ultimately has done with me with friends before.

Liverbird77 · 09/07/2020 16:53

They were not your friends.
You have every right to be livid.

MeridianB · 09/07/2020 16:54

The only difference you need to make to erasing them from from your life.

No one needs friends like this.

Whatelsecanipossiblydo · 09/07/2020 16:54

What if you were pregnant or on medication that doesn’t much with alcohol??

I agree with the poster saying about spiking with rohypnol. It’s just as bad.
You are definitely better off without friends like this!

NoMoreReluctantCustodians · 09/07/2020 16:55

They're not your friends.

lyralalala · 09/07/2020 16:57

I'd have nothing to do with them again. What they did was rude, disrespectful and potentially dangerous. They're not friends.

A girl I used to work with clocked some friends doing things and her and her partner got the spikers back wonderfully. She got wise to their spiking and basically didn't drink what they'd been giving her. The next day her partner messaged their group chat and said "OMG X has pranged my car and has to wait for the police to come. She's going to need a scan to check on our wee surprise, can any of you give me a lift to the hospital?" Apparently there was a lot of frantic panicking about the possibility of her being breath tested and the fact she was pregnant. Amusingly the spikers were raging when they discovered neither was true.

MaxNormal · 09/07/2020 17:11

I was all ready to say that you were BU and should take responsibility for your own comsumpton - then I saw your post. That is absolutely shocking, as PPs have pointed our they could potentially seriously harm someone.

Cheeseandwin5 · 09/07/2020 17:18

Their behaviour could have got you and others in all sorts of trouble.
what if you had been driving and hit someone?
They basically drugged you for their own amusement.
I am unsure how old you all are but It seems your friends don't understand the ramifications of their behaviour.

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 09/07/2020 17:19

Someone did this to my teetotal DP knowing full well he was going to get in his car - the police in the area were VERY hot on pulling drivers over. He didn't notice that his diet coke tasted different and it was only the way he was behaving that alerted one of his colleagues - they spotted that he was staggering slightly.

And it's left him nervous - he came to dinner at mine years ago where dessert was spiced orange jelly with a dash of vodka - it took me ages to convince him his would be dry.

I always say that if he got himself drunk, I would be perplexed. If someone else got him drunk, I would be homicidal.

Yeahnahmum · 09/07/2020 17:23

Jeez. Some friends you have!
What an aweful thing to do, not to mention dangerous.

I would talk about it. Here maybe. Get all your anger out. Feel heard and understood and backed up. And then burry it. It is no use to still feel upset over this after such a long time

But. First :do feel upset about it. And angry. And Talk about it. Get it out of your system and then move on.

Sorry this happened to you

strawberry2017 · 09/07/2020 17:27

I am also a non drinker, nobody has ever spiked me but I am also very used to the comments and the lack of understanding from people who do drink.
I really struggle to understand why people can't handle it when you don't drink?
It drives me mad always been questioned, I rarely go out anymore unless it's with true friends who accept me as I am.
I would never speak to someone who spiked me ever again after I'd had told them to fuck off.
It's a complete violation of your body and I don't know how you still consider them friends a year later.

waitingforthestan · 09/07/2020 17:30

People still do this shit!!!

My mother was spiked with a E by a so called friend and she came home and collapsed in front of me and was rush to hospital. I was 2 but still have the memory.

This behaviour is disgusting and it doesn't matter if it's alcohol or drugs, you could of hopped in your car and not realise. You could of been on medication.

Plus I hardly drink and I'm the best fun 💁🏽‍♀️

I would of slapped the stupid out of them and blamed the alcohol 🤣

Russellbrandshair · 09/07/2020 17:32

I really struggle to understand why people can't handle it when you don't drink?

I suspect it’s because people know they have a problem and want you to drink to validate their own bad choices. If they were totally happy with their decisions they wouldn’t need to pressure others into joining them!

MamaLion1319 · 09/07/2020 17:38

That's terrible. I do not drink at all and would only ever trust close friends to buy/make me a non alcoholic drink. If any of my "friends" did this to me, there would be no more friendship!

goose1964 · 09/07/2020 17:39

My husband's friends did this to me after we won a rugby cup. This is when it was OK to drink during pregnancy. I wasn't drinking alcohol because it triggered mindfulness and I spent most of the evening in the toilet being sick. It was only 20 odd years later that they apologised . It just shows no respect to people where alcohol is concerned.

goose1964 · 09/07/2020 17:40

Mindfulness? Morning sickness.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 09/07/2020 17:43

I don't think I could remain friends with people that I knew I couldn't trust.

They violated you and I would have nothing more to do with them.

ilikemethewayiam · 09/07/2020 18:09

I had a similar thing happen OP. I was going out with a guy who reused T-bags over a few days! He tried to convince me it was much more economical etc. I have a very very sensitive stomach for which I am under the hospital for. I get a very upset stomach if anything is slightly off. I have to make sure everything is fresh and not been allowed to stand To avoid any bacteria. I told him that’s not something I would do. He made me a cup of tea one morning and ask me if I enjoyed it. I said yes, thinking he was referring to bringing me tea in bed. He then pointed out it was the the bag from the night before. I felt really violated. I had my reasons for not doing that but he arrogantly thought he’d prove to me it tasted no different. Taste wasn’t the issue (although obviously it is weaker so doesn’t taste as nice). He didn’t get why I was annoyed with him and couldn’t see he broke my trust. I finished with him after that.

That was a horrible thing for them to do OP and could have had any number of consequences. I think the fact that they called you a boring person would have been enough for me. I think it’s one of the most nasty things you can say to a person. I would definitely re-think your friendship circle. Find like minded friends who appreciate you for who you are.