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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset my friends got me drunk

113 replies

Kia123456 · 09/07/2020 14:50

So this actually happened last summer but it's been playing on my mind lately.

Basically I was at a BBQ at a friends house and pretty much everyone was drinking. I'm not a big drinker and was sticking to soft drinks that night. No reason other than that's what I wanted to do. My friends were all drinking cocktails and they asked if I wanted them to make me some non alcoholic ones. Turns out they were alcoholic. I didn't realise as I couldn't taste the alcohol.
After about 4 or 5 I realised I was starting to feel drunk and confronted them. They confessed and we all ended up arguing. One friend in particular was quite nasty saying I was always boring and they just wanted me to have fun for a change.

I left and things have never been quite the same since.

I was upset because they broke my trust. I was my decision to drink or not and I don't think I should be considered boring because I don't want to get drunk.
Also, they had no way of knowning if I had another reason for not drinking. What if I'd been pregnant or on medication?

AIBU to still feel upset about this nearly a year later?

OP posts:
zingally · 09/07/2020 15:49

Yes, that is out of line, and in many arenas would be considered an assault.

There are many MANY reasons that people choose not to drink, and that's your personal choice.

Your friends are "lucky" they only made you drunk. At it's worst they could have made you seriously ill or dead.

Like you OP, I choose not to drink at almost all events, mostly because 9 times out of 10, I'm driving. I also have two friends who choose to drink quite heavily (like share a bottle of wine during our meal and then drive home - don't get me started). If they'd done this to me... I'm doubtful we'd be friends again.

Immigrantsong · 09/07/2020 15:54

OP spike their drinks with laxatives. Ideally when you are out for a walk with no toilet at sight.

Fatarseflanagan09 · 09/07/2020 15:55

Bake them a cake with laxatives in it.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 09/07/2020 15:59

YANBU at all. They spiked your drinks and for what? Because they thought you were "boring" without being drunk? I like a drink as much as possibly more than the next person but I have plenty of friends who don't drink and they're my friends because I love them for them, not just as some sort of party accessory.

Aside from anything else, you could easily have ended up getting in a car and driving if you hadn't realised you'd been given alcohol. They aren't your friends; they're arseholes.

wishfultinkerer · 09/07/2020 16:03

I can’t believe how irresponsible your ‘friends’ were! Spiking you’re drink? Good riddance to them.

RedOasis · 09/07/2020 16:04

Your not being unreasonable. Because you haven’t dealt with it yet. That they thought it was a good idea says volumes about them being ‘friends’. It’s no different to having your drink spiked with illegal drugs. Walk away from those people

Namechangeforthis88 · 09/07/2020 16:05

I have friends who invite me to join them in the pub in the full knowledge that I may have a pot of tea. You can and will find friends like that.

BabyLlamaZen · 09/07/2020 16:06

YANBU as that's basically drugging you against your will. Sounds like you didnt get proper closure. It shows their true colours. Sad

Deathraystare · 09/07/2020 16:06

That is despicable.

I remember being at a party and deciding to pace myself. I did see someone adding something to a fruit punch bowl but assumed it was more fruit juice! I hadn't drunk much before one of my colleagues decided I should be put in a room to sleep it off!

It was amazing the number of malesz that came in to see if I was ok! Luckily some female colleagues were checking in me.

I did go home earlish and unharmed but what they did was stupid. If people want to drink lots of alcohol that is up to them but dont spike innocent drinks!

Zaphodsotherhead · 09/07/2020 16:07

It shouldn't matter about the 'what if's'. The fact is that you said you weren't drinking and they proceeded to trample all over that boundary. Are any of them men who are liable to ignore the fact that 'no' means 'no' and accuse women of being 'boring' if they don't want to have sex with them?

Because this sort of ignoring of boundaries doesn't usually just relate to one thing.

I wouldn't ever speak again to people who thought that their need for me not to be 'boring' overrode all boundaries I'd previously laid down.

LakieLady · 09/07/2020 16:07

YANBU. They were stupid and irresponsible.You could have got in your car and driven somewhere, not realising you'd been spiked, and lost your licence and/or killed someone as a result.

Your so-called friends are stupid, immature and dangerous.

Babesinthewud · 09/07/2020 16:07

I’m surprised it took you 4/5 cocktails to realise you were feeling a bit drunk? If you say you don’t drink? I love a drink and I’d be away with it after 4/5 so I’d expect someone that doesn’t drink to feel it after 1/2!

But yes, it was a shitty thing to do to you

TheCrunchTimes · 09/07/2020 16:10

Distance yourself, people who won't respect your choices are not trustworthy enough to call friends.

But also have yourself checked, I'm very surprised you couldn't taste the alcohol.

Zaphodsotherhead · 09/07/2020 16:11

@Babesinthewud

I’m surprised it took you 4/5 cocktails to realise you were feeling a bit drunk? If you say you don’t drink? I love a drink and I’d be away with it after 4/5 so I’d expect someone that doesn’t drink to feel it after 1/2!

But yes, it was a shitty thing to do to you

I don't drink (these days) but if I thought I was drinking mocktails, if I were thirsty and it was a hot day, then I may well have necked several before the effects hit me!
LemonPeonies · 09/07/2020 16:11

Not sure why it's taken you a year but if I were you I would fuck them off and find new friends.

MissMadEyeMoody · 09/07/2020 16:13

Seriously ditch them, unfortunately had a very similar situation when I was 17, and it ended rather badly.
Haven't spoken to these 'people' in 10 years, of course they still think they did no harm...

Wotrewelookinat · 09/07/2020 16:14

As PPs have said...these people are not your friends. Time to move on.

Babesinthewud · 09/07/2020 16:14

This is true....

Babesinthewud · 09/07/2020 16:14

@Zaphodsotherhead

bengalcat · 09/07/2020 16:18

These people are not your friends . Move on .

june2007 · 09/07/2020 16:20

I say yabu as it was a year ago, and you say you only noticed 5 drinks in which seems unlikely. I had someone do this to a drink once and I noticed with in 2 sips. (I was annoyed but still drank it.)

ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing · 09/07/2020 16:21

Relative of a friend was very ill after his stag do when his work colleagues spiked his drinks - they didn’t know he was a recovering alcoholic and taking medication that would make him sick if drinking. People should respect other’s choices.

diddl · 09/07/2020 16:22

That's a horrible thing to do.

Why is it usually the drinkers wanting the non drinkers to drink with them?

How many non drinkers tell drinkers to stop being boring & not drink for a change?

I like mocktails-nice taste & no after effects of alcohol!

back2good · 09/07/2020 16:31

Awful. Perhaps criminal as well.

Not what friends do.

Chocolateandamaretto · 09/07/2020 16:35

OP that is awful, I would feel the same as you. I agree with the people who have said it’s like putting rohypnol in someone’s drink.
Plus anyone who thinks people who don’t drink are boring is a dickhead. They are almost always extremely tedious themselves, especially when drunk! I think I’d not be having anything to do with them anymore!