2 nieces who are very different

[SMarie123]

Hi all ,

I have 2 nieces one aged 7 and 13, I have 3 DC's under 5. In the school holidays the older niece helps me with day trips to beaches, zoo etc she isn't minding the kids just an extra pair of hands eg she Will carry stuff, push a buggy, sit with them when I change a nappy. In return I treat her very nicely, lots of long chats, nice food, every so often £10/ £20 if it has been a long day or a lot of grief.

SIL (who is a dear friend) wants me to take niece 2 because she said she feels left out. I totally see her perspective, she is so genuine she isn't trying to offload childcare. But there is a huge difference in age and niece 2 is pretty challenging in herself. If niece 1 &2 are together they constantly bicker. Niece 2 by herself isn't really help at all. I kind of don't want the responsibility of her (she wanders off and gets lost very frequently with her parents, luckily never with me). If there is no money at the end of the day trip she storms off and complains loudly...


What would you do?

[popsydoodle4444]

It's sounds as though DN2 is very challenging and that DN1 might have to take a back seat to her at home and coming along with you as a mother's helper gives DN1 a much needed break from her sister.

I can't imagine days out with her sister are much fun for your DN1 tbh.

This is going to sound really harsh but it's on your SIL and her husband here;it sounds as though your DN2 is allowed to get away with most things&could do with learning to be better behaved.

[SheWhoWillNotPutUpWithYourShit]

If I was your SIL I would absolutely be putting my foot down and saying the 13 year old couldn’t come anymore. There is no way I would stand for my DC being treated differently. It’s incredibly selfish of you to only want to bring along the daughter who is “helpful” to you OP, learn to look after your own children by yoursel

DH is a healthcare worker doing 70 hours per week from feb to June). He feels that is odd that it was ok to treat these guys for work but not someone else. I think the line is they are paid to do a job independently.


Gosh OP, maybe you should go back in time and undo having three children before an unprecedented pandemic hit

Of course the OP can look after her own kids you twat. What she can't do is fit them and two others in a car. Or go out with just the three of them and fit them into a public toilet without using a disabled stall. She certainly can't take four of them because the niece wanders off and can't be left alone.

Or hold three children's hands (or four)

Do you understand? She could sit at home all day and never leave the house but she's using a bit of help, as lots of people do. In fact, I think there is a whole industry called, "childcare" is it?

I really think you should speak to your brother OP. Explain the situation and let it get back to her. You don't have to say that the 7 year old's behaviour is part of the problem if you want to avoid causign friction.


Just say its logistically impossible and that your sil is welcome any time or that you will have to just leave both kids out of future plans.


The thing is that the younger niece is not far off your child's age. Soon she will be able to come over as a proper friend and the eldest will be too old to hang out with them. They're different ages and that means different things at different times. But not worse