To not attend a gender reveal?

[chasingrainbows3]

My DH & I have suffered around 12 pregnancy losses in the last 6 years, some chemical, 5 miscarriages 7 weeks-13 weeks.

His cousin is pregnant and I'm extremely happy for her but cannot face her baby gender reveal/shower.

It's 2 weeks before the date I would be due and I don't think I'll be able to do the whole day without tears and it's not about me, it's about her and finding out what sex her baby will be.

She's been so sensitive bless her and messaged us before anyone else before she announced so it wasn't a shock, although I never expect anyone to do this for me, I appreciated it.

DH has made me feel like I am unfair to not go, that I look bitter and jealous. I've ordered a gift for the baby and a baby shower card which I was planning on sending.

AIBU?

YANBU at all and it sounds like if you send her a text saying you’re feeling a bit sensitive about it all and don’t want to spoil her day, she’ll be perfectly understanding.

YANBU

YANBU at all.

YANBU at all, and I'm really sorry about your losses.

I wouldn’t go without it being upsetting. You have every reason to miss the joy.

YANBU

I wouldn't go if I were you. And your DH is being a knob if he thinks its wrong of you not to want to go.

You're definitely not being unreasonable, and it sounds like she would understand. So sorry for your losses.

Yanbu, you all sound really lovely and respect of each other (except dh).

So sorry for your losses

So cruel and insensitive to tell your wife she'd look bitter and jealous after all you've been through. I'm so sorry for your losses. YANBU at all for not wanting to go.

Yanbu I was in a very similar position as you a few years back I missed a couple baby showers. I had to stop following a friend and cousin on Facebook not unfriend just not see all their posts they knew about it and where fine about it just explain it helped me in a way because people really started to understand that sometimes what seems so simple and easy to some is the hardest most painful for their best friend xxx

So sorry YANBU I am sure cousin will understand. Wishing you all the very best for the future OP.

YANBU
I'm really sorry for what you've been through.
I'm one week post op for my second ectopic pregnancy, and I can't bear to look at my cousin who is due in and around my initial due date from my first ectopic.
It's a very difficult situation to be in emotionally.
They will understand why you aren't going. If your husband wants to go then let him go but under no means feel pressured to go.

I understand it would be a very very difficult day. I would be in the exact same position

💐

YANBU (at all!)

I’m so very sorry for your losses.

Your DH is being an insensitive turd.

YANBU.

I went to my friend’s baby shower a couple of weeks after I miscarried. Was difficult and painful and I wouldn’t encourage anyone to do it.

If you’ve bought a present and a card, I can’t see how you’ll look bitter, I don’t know why anyone would want someone who has been through what you have feigning joy and being secretly distraught. Odd behaviour from your dh.

YANBU

Your DH sounds like an insensitive idiot

Bitter & jealous, well it would be understandable if you were!

And tbh, anyone who would think/say that aren't worth bothering about.

My husband's cousin's baby "gender reveal" isn't anything I'd have the slightest interest in & that's without your history!

Your dh is the real issue here.

I skipped a few showers when dealing with infertility. I sent very nice, often handmade gifts. It wasn’t that I was unhappy about their baby, I just couldn’t guarantee to keep a happy face on for hours.

YANBU at all. I've been in a similar position to you and had to back out of situations that often felt so suffocating.

She sounds like an understanding and sensitive friend/family, and it's lovely to arrange a gift and card. I'd send her a brief message to say it's too difficult for you to go but you wish her a wonderful day, I'm sure she will understand

YANBU and I think she'd completely understand if you told her like you've told us. I think it would be wise to not go.

YANBU at all. I have only had one chemical pregnancy and I couldn’t attend a baby shower for a colleague at work because it was too hard for me.

I’m so sorry for your losses.

@Sexnotgender

YANBU (at all!)

I’m so very sorry for your losses.

Your DH is being an insensitive turd.

This x

Yanbu op. I'm really sorry about your history and your lost babies .

But even without taking all this into consideration ywnbu to not go to your dh's counsin's baby shower/gender reveal party. They are naff as anything and this is quite a distant relative to you.

This fetishisation and "making instagrammable memories" of modern pregnancy is something that I find really off. The time to celebrate is when the baby is here (as op knows, more than most).