To not attend a gender reveal?

[chasingrainbows3]

My DH & I have suffered around 12 pregnancy losses in the last 6 years, some chemical, 5 miscarriages 7 weeks-13 weeks.

His cousin is pregnant and I'm extremely happy for her but cannot face her baby gender reveal/shower.

It's 2 weeks before the date I would be due and I don't think I'll be able to do the whole day without tears and it's not about me, it's about her and finding out what sex her baby will be.

She's been so sensitive bless her and messaged us before anyone else before she announced so it wasn't a shock, although I never expect anyone to do this for me, I appreciated it.

DH has made me feel like I am unfair to not go, that I look bitter and jealous. I've ordered a gift for the baby and a baby shower card which I was planning on sending.

AIBU?

You are being sensible and protective of yourself OP. I don'r think you owe anyone any explanation.

Your OH is being insensitive.

I am not in your situation and wouldn't attend a baby shower or a hen night. Dreadful events.

No, don’t go. Sometimes you have to put yourself first. Be kind to yourself.

I didn't say the OP bashed anything @OrchidJewel. Others have.

Are you "looking for a row"?

You are not being AT ALL unreasonable. Look after yourself, it’s been a rough ride. You’re entirely entitled to avoid baby showers, gender reveals and everything of that ilk.

I think given what you have been through everyone would understand why you are not attending. Perhaps send a card instead, stay home and look after yourself. I also agree your DH sounds like a dick.

I totally understand why you would feel this way. Its okay to give it a miss and she seems like a really nice person who will understand. I had to come off social media during my fertility issues as i couldnt face all the pregnancy news. U need to mind yourself. Its a very tough time . Your DH doesnt get it . Men find it easier to carry on and hide emotions .

YANBU, and your 'D'H is being unkind and cruel. Everyone with an ounce of common sense wouldn't expect you to go.

(and I agree with a pp, sex reveal parties are tacky and I wouldn't go to one anyway! Apart from the parents to be who cares what sex anyone else's baby is going to be?!)

I think your OHs cousin may be in a tricky spot.
She seems sensitive to your situation, letting you know before hand, and given that she wants to have a baby shower felt obliged to invite you - perhaps even suspecting it may cause you upset.
She could have organised it and tried to keep it a secret from you to spare your feelings and the obligation to attend or decline, but she did the decent things and was upset.
She is probably aware of your feelings.

I would take the bull by the horns and speak to her- be honest- you are pleased at being asked, but feeling a little raw right now and may find the party uncomfortable. She will understand I'm sure.
You don't need to tell your OH anything until the situation is resolved. Then it is too late for him to pressure you.

What a tosser your husband is! That is just a nasty thing to say - it's his cousin not yours. And she sounds fine.

YANBU. But he is.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

I didn't go to my SIL's baby shower due to suffering a late loss. She understood completely. Your husband is being an insensitive dickweasel.

Slightly different scenario but I allowed myself to be railroaded in too having a shower for our second child and I really wish I hadn't. If you feel like it's going to be too much then that is fine. More than fine. Protecting yourself from a possibly traumatic and upsetting experience is not selfish or bitter. Think of it as an act of self care. You've sent a gift. That's more than enough.

I am so sorry for your losses.

I cannot stand gender reveals, most videos I’ve seen people Only look mildly interested And probably just go for the food and booze. Just send the card and present.

Don’t go. I’ve had multiple losses too, don’t put yourself through it and if anything your cousin might relax more, she might be worrying about upsetting you?

YANBU. I forced myself to try to go to one after baby DD died and ended up having a massive panick attack in the car outside. The feelings of loss are very real and different but more viceralnto the feelings of happiness you have for the new baby.

Gender reveals are so nauseating. Surely it’s a boy or a girl? And either or will get the same “teary” reaction?

I’ve never conceived despite 20 years of trying, but there’s no way I would have indulged myself in this selfish attention seeking bollox.

The gender will be revealed at the birth ffs.

Your DH is being ridiculous putting this faddy practice before your feelings. Are many men so devoid of emotion they don’t understand this is difficult for you?

im so sorry op i really feel for you-your dh is a dick i assume hes over it all then already

I would not go to a 'gender reveal' anyway, stupid idea. Noone cares if it is a boy or a girl except the parents, don't they realise that.

Also it makes everyone completely lose interest if they had any in the first place in the pregnancy.

It's like opening your Christmas presents early.

Also, very painful after so many unsuccessful pregnancies.

I don’t blame you for not wanting to go in your circumstances.

As an extra factor, I would avoid anyway. I hate the whole concept of them.

Gender reveals and baby showers are tacky hideous events anyway.

In your circumstances though it is perfectly understandable why you wouldn’t want to go and your DH’s cousin sounds understanding so I would just tell her.

Is there anything tackier than a gender reveal? Even worse than a baby shower. No-one, apart from the parents, gives 2 hoots what sex the baby is. It's just a vulgar, attention-seeking load of American nonsense.

She a distant relative of your husband. You should feel no obligation whatsoever to go.

Your husband's cousin sounds lovely, understanding and sensitive. Your husband not so much!!!

YANBU at all OP, keep in touch with her send a gift but don’t go. Thank goodness this wasn’t a thing 20 years ago when I was trying to conceive and suffered similar losses. Take care

I came on to say YANBU (fuck that shit) before I even saw your reasoning

Sorry to hear what you have been through. In fairness she probably doesn't expect you to go just invited you so you don't feel left out. I wouldn't go if l was you.

@BobFleming ha.. I so nearly said it..

Gender reveal. 🙄

You don't need to go!

I wouldn't go to a baby shower anyway because it's not in my culture and it makes me feel REALLY uneasy. I would severely bring down the mood!

But you REALLY don't need to go. Nobody with a heart would judge you.