To not attend a gender reveal?

[chasingrainbows3]

My DH & I have suffered around 12 pregnancy losses in the last 6 years, some chemical, 5 miscarriages 7 weeks-13 weeks.

His cousin is pregnant and I'm extremely happy for her but cannot face her baby gender reveal/shower.

It's 2 weeks before the date I would be due and I don't think I'll be able to do the whole day without tears and it's not about me, it's about her and finding out what sex her baby will be.

She's been so sensitive bless her and messaged us before anyone else before she announced so it wasn't a shock, although I never expect anyone to do this for me, I appreciated it.

DH has made me feel like I am unfair to not go, that I look bitter and jealous. I've ordered a gift for the baby and a baby shower card which I was planning on sending.

AIBU?

YANBU. You’re doing exactly the right hung sending a gift and card instead.

YANBU
It's hard to keep the happy face on when you are happy for the couple but equally suffering your own struggles internally.

The relationship you have with his cousin sounds lovely and I'm sure she'd understand.

If I was the cousin in this situation I would not mind at all and would totally understand. My amazing best friend suffered a late pregnancy loss while I was pregnant with DS and she didn't attend my baby shower for the same reason, I didn't mind at all and she did a special little meal just me and her so she could give me a present etc. If she's already been sensitive I'd imagine she'd be understanding about this too.

I have sent her a text and she is so understanding and like may of you said, she knew deep down I wouldn't want to come but she wanted to include me.

DH comments were addressed in bed last night, he apologised and said he just worries what his family will think as some of them do not know the extent to our problems.

I'll be excited when the baby is here, my best friend was 5 months pregnant when I lost my most recent baby and I absolutely adore her son and dote on him. Seeing him last week for the first time since lockdown 6 feet away from each other made me cry so much because I just wanted to cuddle him!

I promised myself I wouldn't let my issues make me "bitter or jealous" and that's stayed with me but like you all agreed, I have the right to protect my heart from unnecessary upset.

I don't really have an opinion on baby showers of gender reveals, if I wasn't in the situation I'm in, I would accept the invitation.

Thank you all

YANBU, OP.

AIBU to hate the whole idea of "gender reveal" though? First of all it's the baby's sex, not gender. And can't you reveal the sex with a birth announcement after the baby is born?

OP, your husband is being very insensitive. It's not bitter or jealous not to want to attend a gender reveal party while you're struggling with losses. It's entirely possible to be happy for someone while not wanting to be confronted with what you're missing.

Even the woman who started the trend for gender reveal parties says they've got out of control, and that her kids don't fit gender stereotypes.

"he apologised and said he just worries what his family will think as some of them do not know the extent to our problems."

Na, that's not good enough imo.

They don't need to know anything for it to be acceptable to not go to a gender reveal or indeed any other family thing!

YANBU in the slightest, its such a difficult position to be in

YANBU at all. Totally understandable why you wouldn't go. Your DH needs to be more supportive.

Your DH needs to cop on. You have every right to be upset. Yes you plural went through something but you (singular) went through your own unique experience. It is not for him to dictate how you cope.

My friend has had two miscarriages and given up. She gives a hard no to baby showers and makes no apologies. Everyone understands.

YANBU. Call me old school but I think gender reveals are just a crass attempt to solicit gifts. I've never been invited to one and would politely decline if I was.

Of course you are not being unreasonable
Your oh needs his head seen yo if he doesn't understand
That's extreme amount of losses you need to take good care of yourself

Aw I would totally understand. Bless you