To not attend a gender reveal?

[chasingrainbows3]

My DH & I have suffered around 12 pregnancy losses in the last 6 years, some chemical, 5 miscarriages 7 weeks-13 weeks.

His cousin is pregnant and I'm extremely happy for her but cannot face her baby gender reveal/shower.

It's 2 weeks before the date I would be due and I don't think I'll be able to do the whole day without tears and it's not about me, it's about her and finding out what sex her baby will be.

She's been so sensitive bless her and messaged us before anyone else before she announced so it wasn't a shock, although I never expect anyone to do this for me, I appreciated it.

DH has made me feel like I am unfair to not go, that I look bitter and jealous. I've ordered a gift for the baby and a baby shower card which I was planning on sending.

AIBU?

It's fine not to attend. I'm not sure why your husband thinks what other people might (wrongly) assume about you, is more important than protecting your own mental health. Does he want you to go and get really upset...for what?

I wouldn't go. I'm sorry for your losses xx

YANBU.

I'm so sorry for your losses.

Your DH is indeed being an insensitive turd. Tell him everyone said so.

YANBU and if you send a present and card I'm sure she won't have a problem with it at all. xxx

YA absolutely NBU in the circumstances. But then I don't think you'd BU in any circumstances. I wouldnt go to a gender reveal in a million years. Tacky as anything.

Your DH must have a horrible opinion of his cousin and her family and friends if he thinks they will feel you are bitter or jealous. Nobody will think that. Anyone who has struggled with infertility, and a lot of people have, will totally understand where you are coming from.

I think that there is too much expectation around this stuff.

The couple are excited, others are pleased for them.

Not going shouldn't be taken as not being pleased for them.

Women should be able to decline this stuff without feeling/or being made to feel guilty, having to push their own feelings down & put others above themselves.

YANBU and I wouldn’t go if I were you.

In my opinion gender reveals are bloody awful things anyway and should just be between the parents. They can just text to be honest!

Yanbu

It sounds as if your SIL is very understanding.

In her position, I would feel it important to extend the invitation but would never want you to feel obligated to come.

I would also be furious with my brother if I ever found out he was pressuring you to attend the way he has.

I'm so sorry for your losses.

YANBU and you should feel no guilt about not wanting to go. Your husbands cousin will totally understand and will not think you bitter or jealous.

I didn’t go to my sisters gender reveal because they honestly make me cringe!

You’ve been through a horrendous time.
I have not been through any of this, but I still won’t not go to any ‘gender reveal’.

Can people please stop going to these and maybe people will stop doing them. They are beyond naff, as are baby showers.

Cousin*

I have no idea why I said brother!

YANBU. I'm so sorry for your losses. I went through several (a lot less than you have) and it was so painful to be around pregnancy. It's very hard. It's lovely his cousin is so sensitive and told you first, it was a nice thing to do.

Wishing you so much luck in the future, and un-mumsnetty hugs x

I think it's a bit unfair to bash the party considering the person hosting it seems to be lovely.

It's not something I would ever do but people have their own way of celebrating.

If it makes them happy, so what?

If I was your cousin I would invite you... But I would totally expect you not to feel up to attending.

I would fully understand. As would most people.

Your DH is being horrible.

I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this loss...

YANBU. Really sorry for your losses.

I wouldn't go to a gender reveal anyway cos I think they're shit.

Gender reveals and baby showers are tacky so I never attend. Life is far too short to attend any gathering out of obligation.

YANBU

I didn’t go to the christening of my friends DD or my niece because, a month previously, I had a MC (IVF) and I just couldn’t face it. I definitely wouldn’t have gone to a gender reveal.

Gender reveals are shit and so are baby showers so for that alone yanbu

I wish you all the luck in your plans to have a child.

Oh no yanbu at all. Your husband is a dickhead though.

Sounds like your h is more worried about what people will think of him not going than how it will affect you. Assuming it is just for women than he is still more bothered about others than you.

I think baby showers are awful anyway and right now should not be happening.

Don't go.

Absolutely not U. She seems very understanding. Send your DH if he feels that way. Idiot. So sorry for all your losses.

Glenda where does she bash gender parties? Looking for a row!!

Absolutely YANBU. Not sure what your DP is thinking. I'm very sorry for your losses. And I'm sure your cousin will totally understand.

I would never have expected you to come to a baby event in her position and it sounds like she would understand.