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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to want to give teachers gifts?

80 replies

Wilkiemini · 07/07/2020 11:27

My daughter has just come home from school they had a quick hour long catch up this morning on the school fields for each class to say goodbye to their current teacher.

I asked her if she wanted to get a gift and she said no, the teacher wasn’t particularly good and she didn’t get on with him and obviously she hasn’t actually spent much time with him with the whole COVID thing closing the school mid March.

I agreed with her wishes and we did not get a gift. Obviously she wished him well etc. However the rest of the class turned up with huge ridiculous gifts their parents had purchased for the teacher like champagne and days out, vouchers etc and just a handful of kids were sent home first (my daughter included) so he could keep the others behind for and extra game to say thank you for the gifts..._AIBU In thinking this was petty? My daughter wasn’t bothered but I don’t think he should have singled out gnoses who didn’t give gifts like it’s a bad thing!

I’m not really into rewarding teachers at the end of term anyway, I just think it’s a ridiculous waste of money I’m a single parent and money is tight, we live in a wealthy area so usually I’m put under enormous pressure from other parents to put a large sum of money into a collection to buy John Lewis vouchers etc etc I always say no we will do our own more personal gift and then get cold shouldered for it :(

I’ve decided I’m no longer going to purchase gifts of any kind for teachers unless we come across somebody who really has deserved a special thank
you...it really shouldn’t be expected it should be earned? Or am I BU?

OP posts:
Whitestick · 07/07/2020 11:28

How can it be unreasonable to not buy someone a gift? I can assure you it's not the teachers who ask for them.

HipTightOnions · 07/07/2020 11:31

It wasn’t at all unreasonable of you not to give a gift.

It also wasn’t unreasonable of the teacher to thank those who did.

HipTightOnions · 07/07/2020 11:33

Actually I’ve just reread and changed my mind. It was unreasonable of the teacher to divide the children according to what their parents did or didn’t do!

OldEvilOwl · 07/07/2020 11:33

YANBU

Winterpanda · 07/07/2020 11:33

You are definitely nbu!! I find it particularly grabby at the moment as so many of us are hard up.
My mum is an ex ta (retired) at quite a posh school and used to get vouchers and white company gifts but said that though she appreciated the thought but the nicest thing she ever got was handwritten/made cards.
I also think that a gift has to be earned and it sounds like he wasn't a great teacher so he didn't deserve it! Can't believe he held the other children back for an extra Thankyou- he sounds like a right tosser!

LucyLocketsPocket · 07/07/2020 11:35

YANBU!

noblegiraffe · 07/07/2020 11:35

I find it particularly grabby at the moment

Grabby by who? Whenever this comes up teachers say a card or nice email would be the preferred option.

Letthemysterybe · 07/07/2020 11:36

So when some pupils turned up empty handed, the school rang parents to come and collect them early? Or did they call those who had turned up with gifts to say pick them up later so they can stay for an extra game? Sounds off.

Spied · 07/07/2020 11:37

Teacher is very rude.

Whitestick · 07/07/2020 11:39

Yeah I don't believe the "stay back if you gave me something" part.

LadyPrigsbottom · 07/07/2020 11:41

Yanbu. We have been extremely fortunate with our DC's teachers and actually, people seem to be being more generous with gifts this year as a result. But that doesn't mean it's a given that you'll give any gift. I also find that very weird that the teacher kept kids back to thank them for their gifts Confused. Ours is an anonymous collection, so nobody knows how much anyone has given.

UnfinishedSymphon · 07/07/2020 11:42

I'm so glad this wasn't a thing when my kids were at school, gifts back then were a small token of appreciation for a great teacher from the child...I remember my daughter made a card with shitloads of glitter and sparkles lol. There were no class collections, no pressure from parents, no expectations.

I miss those days

ItsSpittingEverybodyIn · 07/07/2020 11:43

I am sending cards only this year, my dc haven't been in since March and have had very little contact or help since.

Marketgarden · 07/07/2020 11:44

YANBU.

I would support any school that said gifts to teachers were a no-no. Two of my grandparents were teachers.

Andwoooshtheyweregone · 07/07/2020 11:51

I think it’s more of a primary school thing that tappers off by secondary school. I agree that was petty and mean of him to single out the kids who gave gifts. I think you made the right decision not to get him anything and teachers shouldn’t except gifts we do get paid for our time.

I’m a teacher by the way so I’m not teacher bashing!!

FluffyHippo · 07/07/2020 11:51

I work in FE - no gifts at all here! In fact, we count ourselves blessed if we don't get sworn at or assaulted most years...

Purpletigers · 07/07/2020 11:51

The teacher is the only one being unreasonable in your situation.

Original poster
Wilkiemini · 07/07/2020 11:52

The kids were released from the catch up at 10.15 the kids who bought a gift were kept behind for an extra game which would only be 5 mins or so but still I just think they should not have been separated in that basis!

OP posts:
RedOasis · 07/07/2020 11:52

Teacher is being unreasonable. Someone in their positing should know that you can’t separate the kids in this way. That’s out of order. What if kids wanted to but couldn’t afford to? Teacher doesn’t know what’s going on in a child’s home. He shouldn’t have done this.

Original poster
Wilkiemini · 07/07/2020 11:53

This is a middle school if that makes any difference so age up to 11/12

OP posts:
Original poster
Wilkiemini · 07/07/2020 11:57

I’m sure he didn’t do it deliberately (in a spiteful way) but he clearly didn’t think about the impact on the children that didn’t get him a gift :(
Luckily my daughter is quite resilient nothing fazes her she just shrugged it off :)

OP posts:
caringcarer · 07/07/2020 11:57

I used to be a secondary teacher teaching GCSE and A Levels. I did tend to get quite a few gifts from kids in my tutor group and GCSE groups bought by parents. The gifts I liked best were from A Level students who all put in 50p each to get me a thank you card they all signed and a box of chocs. It came from the students not the parents. Some secondary teachers in same school hot no gifts ever.

Strugglingtodomybest · 07/07/2020 12:00

I never sent in a present. I appreciated the teachers by not being a pita!

I would actually complain about this teacher, and I havent complained about anything in 10 years of school, what he did was awful. Children should not be punished for their parent's actions.

BerriesAndLeaves · 07/07/2020 12:00

Are you sure they were rewarded with an extra game? 5 minutes isn't very long and those kids could have just stayed voluntarily for the 5 mins to see the gifts being opened etc. It sounds a strange thing to do

Lightuptheroom · 07/07/2020 12:02

DS has just completed Yr 13, so this time I did send in something, I don't usually, though I do make sure I thank individuals who have worked hard with him or made extra time to sort something out etc