AIBU not to want to give teachers gifts?

[Wilkiemini]

My daughter has just come home from school they had a quick hour long catch up this morning on the school fields for each class to say goodbye to their current teacher.

I asked her if she wanted to get a gift and she said no, the teacher wasn’t particularly good and she didn’t get on with him and obviously she hasn’t actually spent much time with him with the whole COVID thing closing the school mid March.

I agreed with her wishes and we did not get a gift. Obviously she wished him well etc. However the rest of the class turned up with huge ridiculous gifts their parents had purchased for the teacher like champagne and days out, vouchers etc and just a handful of kids were sent home first (my daughter included) so he could keep the others behind for and extra game to say thank you for the gifts..._AIBU In thinking this was petty? My daughter wasn’t bothered but I don’t think he should have singled out gnoses who didn’t give gifts like it’s a bad thing!

I’m not really into rewarding teachers at the end of term anyway, I just think it’s a ridiculous waste of money I’m a single parent and money is tight, we live in a wealthy area so usually I’m put under enormous pressure from other parents to put a large sum of money into a collection to buy John Lewis vouchers etc etc I always say no we will do our own more personal gift and then get cold shouldered for it :(

I’ve decided I’m no longer going to purchase gifts of any kind for teachers unless we come across somebody who really has deserved a special thank
you...it really shouldn’t be expected it should be earned? Or am I BU?

My school ban gifts but this year, my DH has lost his job so we couldn't buy a gift even if we wanted to. So if we had this teacher, my DC would have - having not seen their friends for months - been sent away early because their dad lost his job?

That brings back so many awful memories of being the poor kid at school. I think it needs feeding back - complaints don't have to be "I want this person sacked/in trouble" just "please consider if this could be done differently next time"

Are you sure your daughter was asked to leave earlier than the rest because she didn't buy a gift? Could your daughter have misunderstood the reason she was told she could leave early (maybe she felt guilty or embarrassed that she didn't bring a gift when lots of others did?). If the teacher did get that many gifts, how did he remember after an hour who had gifted him and who didn't, did he log all the gifts in on a spreadsheet?!

I wanted to buy my son's nursery teacher a gift because this was his last year and his teacher was very good with him over the past two years but he hasn't been there since March, the nursery is currently closed so I have to wait until the new term to collect his things and his nursery teacher has now left for a new nursery.

I wouldn't have got a gift in your circumstances though, your daughter didn't like him, you don't think he did a good job and she hasn't been there since March. You don't buy a gift if you don't think the person deserves it and you don't. Save your money for when your daughter gets a teacher she loves.

just a handful of kids were sent home first (my daughter included) so he could keep the others behind for and extra game to say thank you for the gifts..._AIBU In thinking this was petty?

This is actually awful, I think I'd be sending the head an email.

How old is your child?

I have many teacher friends and I know the majority of teachers do not ever expect to get gifts!

I think the issue is with the parents who take gift giving too far and make it about who’s gift is the best or the biggest...just the usual oneupmanship that goes on at the school gates 🙄

I am a teacher and you are definitely NOT unreasonable.
I think singling out the gift-givers for a special game is extremely unreasonable though.