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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriends sister

90 replies

Laurens96 · 07/07/2020 11:17

Hi ladies,
A bit of background info first. My partners one sister and I dont get along. She went off on one out of no where terrifying my step daughter and then accused my boyfriend of cheating on me trying to get me to meet her to fight all while she was pregnant (baring in mind shes 28).
Her and my boyfriend still have a good relationship despite the fact shes been absolutely vile to the both of us and I've been civil for my partners sake.
I've recently given birth to twins (emergency c section) and decided that when lockdowns over that I want to have the christened.
My boyfriends other sister and i get on really well and i see and speak to her all the time and shes been a massive help with the twins and my stepson while i was recovering from surgery. I've asked the sister I get on with if she'd be godmother to my twins.
The other sister I dont get on with isn't happy about it and tried to start an argument with me over it. She's also whinged to my boyfriend saying it's all my fault and I'm not being fair shes wants to be godparent to the twins and I'm being horrible. My boyfriend told her shes being godmother to my stepson as we are having then christened together but that's not good enough she wants the twins not my stepson.
I have both my boyfriends sister and my boyfriend moaning about it because she's making him feel guilty and it's his favourite sister.
Am I wrong for sticking by my original decision (as it keeps being said I'm wrong) x

OP posts:
Nymeriastark1 · 07/07/2020 11:23

Are you sure she's 28 and not 8? Just ignore her.

yesyesdear · 07/07/2020 11:23

YANBU, she’s a spoilt brat!! Give in now and she’ll continue with the same behaviour.

CalmdownJanet · 07/07/2020 11:27

This is confusing, his favourite sister is the one that terrified his child, tried to fight you and told you he cheated is that right?

Original poster
Laurens96 · 07/07/2020 11:31

I've already said if he gives in she'll try the same thing with everything we try to do. At the minute she's also moaning about the fact we wont be going to a birthday party shes doing in August. With everything going on with covid I dont want to risk it with any of the kids. My twins will only be 12 weeks old. I explained if it was just family we would go but shes invited like 30 people and most of them are random people I've never met then theres all the kids going too. She's told my boyfriend she thinks I'm just being selfish and keeping her from the kids. I've told her shes welcome to come here to see them but expects me to do the half hour drive everytime and when its warm I dont like having the kids in the car too long I think it's too much for them at 8 weeks old to be stuck in a red hot car. I dont even use my car to pop in to check on my grandad I walk and it's only 5 mins in the car just so the babies dont overheat x

OP posts:
Original poster
Laurens96 · 07/07/2020 11:32

Yes his favourite sister is the one with the temper issues that I dont get on with x

OP posts:
LadyPrigsbottom · 07/07/2020 11:37

Oooooh op you have my sympathies! This sounds very volatile.

I would definitely be keeping contact to an absolute minimum with her. No, you don't have to go to her party and no, you don't have to ask her to be Godmother. Be polite and civil but no more. She will probably take the hump, but just try to ignore.

I have had to use this tactic with some family and extended family in the recent past, because being close to them seem to equate to being dragged into very much unwanted drama. Fuck that. Life is too short.

MadamBatty · 07/07/2020 11:37

You have a lot going on..,new twins, checking in your grandad. You’re going to have to learn to ignore & disengage from this woman. Come up with a few stock phrases such as. That doesn’t suit. With covid i will not be doing that. Sketch her bitch & moan & whine. You need to mind yourself, your twins & your grandad. Feck her, she’ll move to somebody else.

Glendaruel · 07/07/2020 11:40

I think it's about how you see role of godparent. Traditionally it was about spiritual and moral support to the child. However today many people see it as more all round support and special role in child's life. Others want it to be about them on the day and to get the promises they made as soon as they leave church.

Whilst my religious views differ to the tradition I was brought up in, I am still respectful and wouldn't want to see empty promises made. There is a commitment to support the child whether spiritually or not.

I think your post makes clear who has been a support to you and the twins

Bouledeneige · 07/07/2020 11:47

God OP. She's beyond awful. I agree she needs to be kept at arms length from you and your family - she's toxic.

Why would anyone make someone who wanted to meet them for a fight a godparent to their precious children? And why does your partner listen to her bizarre accusations and demands? Keep your distance and look after yourself and your children and your Grandfather.

dinosaurdee · 07/07/2020 11:51

You're absolutely NOT being unreasonable. My SIL is godmother to do DD. Not something I am entirely happy with as we don't get along really. Stick to your guns - I wouldn't let her anywhere near them!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 07/07/2020 11:52

Biggest problem? Your bf doesn’t have your back. However, as he is parent to the twins too, he has equal say in who gm is. But a reasonable man would not want psycho sis as gm.

strawberry2017 · 07/07/2020 11:55

What did your BF say when she verbally attacked you and accused him of cheating.

I personally wouldn't have her as GM, it needs to be someone you both agree on and feel comfortable with.
He needs to stop pandering to her.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 07/07/2020 12:02

I'd concentrate on the twins. Ia she putting them first and showing she wants to build a strong relationship with them? Then no she can't be godmother. She is actively trying to cause issues with their parents and their relationship, that shows she doesn't have their best interests at heart. Ans how horrible to her nephew, being offered to be his godparent and saying no because she 'wants the twins'. Her behaviour sounds totally disgusting

Original poster
Laurens96 · 07/07/2020 12:02

I do have a lot going on at the minute. I've got 8 week old twins who take up a lot of time. By the time yoube sorted 1 it's time for the next lol. And I have my stepson all day as my partner works and his mom doesn't want to see him so he stays with me. Then on a weekend my partners daughter comes for the weekend too. The sister in law I get on with comes a drive down just so I can get myself sorted and have time for some as simple as a bath and helps with cleaning as I really dont have time for anything at the moment coupled with the fact I'm exhausted cuz my one twin doesn't sleep she literally power naps for an hour a time that's it. I've told my partner I dont have the energy for his sister. Then I'm going my grandads most days to make sure hes okay and hot everything he needs as my nan passed away 2 and a half years ago and hes on his own so like to know he's sorted and okay with everything he needs. And I know it's safe to take the kids there as my grandad hasnt left the house for like 4 months since this started so it gives him a bit of company too. Literally by the time I've got home on a night and sorted the 3 kids out I'm ready for bed and dont have the energy for anything (I'm aware that might make me sound bad for being completely exhausted 24/7). I'm only 24 and I've been helping raise my partners 2 children since I was 21 one of whom actually lives with us too x

OP posts:
Wyntersdiary · 07/07/2020 12:03

she burnt her bridges.

Why would you allow her to play happpy families after all the shit she gave you? im sorry but if she wanted to be involved in your childrens life then she shouldnt have been so horrible to you both.

The reason the other sister is getting godmother title is because she has been there for you so its a bit stupid to believe she can just waltz into your life as godmother to the twins.

Original poster
Laurens96 · 07/07/2020 12:05

My boyfriend said she was lying about the cheating at that shes tried to break up all his relationships.
I think it mat be to do with they share the same mom and dad that he feels closer to her then his other sister. The sister I get along with has a different dad to them x

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 07/07/2020 12:06

He’s as much of a problem as her, and you’ve lumbered yourself with the whole trash family now.
No, YANBU to not want her a godparent.

Honestly, I would get him to come along to discuss it with your minister. He or she can explain the role of a godparent and how to choose: hint, it’s not bestowed upon someone in a family favourites way.

If you’re getting them all christened because you fancy the party, rather than because you’re a Christian - then just drop it altogether. No point to it anyway, and not worth the aggro. If you do have a religious motivation - talk to the minister with him.

milcmxxx · 07/07/2020 12:07

Omg you have a lot going on!! please stick to your guns! She can’t really be surprised when she’s been so awful to you. Please don’t feel pressured. Ignore her she needs to grow up x

calmcoolandcollected · 07/07/2020 12:08

I would just tell him, she disrespected me immensely and has been no help with the twins, so no way. Why are you, (partner) also disrespecting me?

Ellisandra · 07/07/2020 12:09

Why doesn’t it surprise me that you’ve been helping to raise his 2 other kids? If only one lives with you, can I take a wild guess that your the third mother of his children? You’re so young and already stuck with his trashy family and raising his kids for him. Stand your ground now - you’re going to need to more than once I can tell - so you might as well show you’re not a pushover now.

Original poster
Laurens96 · 07/07/2020 12:09

I'm having the twins christened as I come from a Christian family but my stepson is only being christened cuz my partner does not want the twins to he christened and his son isn't.
We discussed godparents while I was still pregnant and decided on the sister that comes to visit and helps out as shes been a great support system and shes someone who has good values to teach the twins x

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 07/07/2020 12:09

*you’re

Sometimeswinning · 07/07/2020 12:10

Did you not see this coming? His sisters will be aunt to the twins so I personally wouldnt think to ask someone already connected to be a god parent. Was your bf involved in the choice at all?

Ellisandra · 07/07/2020 12:11

That’s a shit reason for having his son christened.
If that’s how he feels about a really important rite of the church, then he definitely shouldn’t get to choose the godparents Hmm
He has no idea what a christening is, has he?
Not bothered about his older daughter being left out?

BrandyandBabycham · 07/07/2020 12:13

I agree with a pp - your BF needs to have your back.