Boyfriends sister

[Laurens96]

Hi ladies,
A bit of background info first. My partners one sister and I dont get along. She went off on one out of no where terrifying my step daughter and then accused my boyfriend of cheating on me trying to get me to meet her to fight all while she was pregnant (baring in mind shes 28).
Her and my boyfriend still have a good relationship despite the fact shes been absolutely vile to the both of us and I've been civil for my partners sake.
I've recently given birth to twins (emergency c section) and decided that when lockdowns over that I want to have the christened.
My boyfriends other sister and i get on really well and i see and speak to her all the time and shes been a massive help with the twins and my stepson while i was recovering from surgery. I've asked the sister I get on with if she'd be godmother to my twins.
The other sister I dont get on with isn't happy about it and tried to start an argument with me over it. She's also whinged to my boyfriend saying it's all my fault and I'm not being fair shes wants to be godparent to the twins and I'm being horrible. My boyfriend told her shes being godmother to my stepson as we are having then christened together but that's not good enough she wants the twins not my stepson.
I have both my boyfriends sister and my boyfriend moaning about it because she's making him feel guilty and it's his favourite sister.
Am I wrong for sticking by my original decision (as it keeps being said I'm wrong) x

The mother doesn’t wash her own child, and he hasn’t taken steps to (get you to) care for her full time too? He just sounds worse every time you post

And his idea of parenting is a PS4 and a TV

OP you sound as if you are doing an admirable job with these kids so this is not in any way intended to be disrespectful to you, but your OH is a manipulative waste of space. He is outsourcing all of his family's responsibilities to you.

You clearly have a close emotional bond to this little boy and all credit to you for that. But you should be aware that you are being used.

Do you actually want parental rights over your stepson? If you do actually want this then maybe this is a route you could explore in the future. But I strongly recommend you get yourself and your children away from this man and his awful family.

My step kids mom is for lack of a better word neglectful of my stepdaughter. We send her home Sunday night ready for bed at 7pm and she come back on a froday in the same pants socks and pjs we went her to her moms in. She doesn't get changed she doesn't have a bath her hairs not brushed. She tells us she only gets a packet of crisps for her dinner. She had social on her back and got signed off last year cuz she did what they wanted her to and as soon as she was signed off she went back to her old ways with the kids.
Their mom has told me I cant spend time on my own with my stepdaughter purely because I told her if mom wont bath her to run her own bath as shes 9 coming 10 and she came down and said she got shouted at cuz her mom said shes not old enough to bath herself.
When I mentioned I wanted a baby he got better with the big 2 and slipped back to not doing anything with them when I was about 5 months gone with the twins.
My moms been doing stuff with my stepson like baking and Lego or my moms watched the twins so I can have one on one time with him cuz I dont want him to feel pushed to the side cuz theres babies.
He's under the impression his mom didnt want him cuz she had another baby so tried really hard to show him hes still a priority now too. Tbf hes been really helpful with the twins. I've had to put nappy changing stuff and a little box of clothes in my living room cuz he likes passing stuff to help and he gives them lots of cuddles if they're upset (mainly after being changed as they dont like being stripped down).
He told me this morning hes meant to be building a Lego castle with his dad later while I have a bath so we'll see x

Social services again op. As much as you have a connection with these children, they are not yours.
And your dp is a waste of space.

I even tried talking to their mom about it all. Cuz I used to live in the block of flats shes in so I know you only get one baths worth of hot water. I said if it's a case of they all need one the same day my stepdaughter is more then welcome to be dropped off for a bath and they can pick her up when she's sorted but just got told again I cant have her on my own and she can only come on a weekend. Their moms other daughter with her new boyfriend is always clean and presentable so o dont understand why she doesn't do the same for my step daughter x

He has done nothing to get his daughter full time, when she gets crisps for dinner?
Mother has already ditched her full sibling onto dad - well, you. And SS were already involved.
So it’s not an impossible dream that he could have his daughter more than 2 nights a week.
But... he hasn’t bothered.
Should have been looking out for those two poor babies, before having another with you.
How do you think his daughter feels, coming to you at the weekend and getting to see her full brother living in a house with proper meals and regular personal hygiene, and dad’s loving girlfriend? (Albeit still with a useless father)

I am so angry reading this. Abuse is bad enough when it is to all children equally, because the parent can’t cope, or actively chooses to abuse. But when a half sibling is deliberately treated worse than another child?

Why on earth did you think that the father who was sitting back and allowing that, was the man to choose to have a baby with yourself?

To come back slightly to topic, about the christening... I would tell him that he gets no opinion on anything and you don’t want to hear another word about his shit show of a family, until he stops being an utter shit show himself.

I would most definitely be keeping her away from my children, and I wouldn't be telling her she could come and visit them in my home of she had been trying to fight me and possibly making up lies.

Although you are being a bit paranoid about the car. Babies can go in a car for half an hour, it's not a problem.

OP its great that you and your family are doing this for his children but its not up to you. Why is the dad allowing this neglect to take place and then pushing the childcare responsibilities onto you?

All this stuff about christenings and godparents is a complete red herring. You need to focus on the central point here which is that the kids are being neglected by their mother, their dad is a useless waste of space and you have become, by default, the closest thing they have to a responsible parent. When you have kids of your own.

Your OH needs to step up and take responsibility for his kids. He needs to stop assuming that you are the default position for this.

Did he have contact with social services? If you think they are still being neglected you need to contact them again.

And you need to boot your OH out.

Mg partner went to the meetings as it was to do with his children but other then that he didnt have any contact with social services cuz they said they only had to see the kids mom as they lived with her at the time. The school have the number for their previous social worker cuz she spoke to the teachers to see what the kids were like at school x

That poor girl. In the same clothes and underwear all week? No baths? Crisps for tea?

I'd like to string her mother up. She doesn't deserve to be in charge of a fly, never mind a child.

Ring social services again. Your partner should be horrified his dd is being treated like this and should be moving heaven and earth to get his dd to live with him.

I would report her to social services. It sounds like the neglect is quite clear cut and there's a paper trail there already.

Separately, you need to get your boyfriend to step up and be a father. Or ideally, leave him.

Please please report the mums neglect to social services. Your partner needs to apply for full custody of both children, this is ridiculous. She is lucky to have you at least

You sound brilliant OP.
But please report the mum to SS for the way DSD is treated by her.