Boyfriends sister

[Laurens96]

Hi ladies,
A bit of background info first. My partners one sister and I dont get along. She went off on one out of no where terrifying my step daughter and then accused my boyfriend of cheating on me trying to get me to meet her to fight all while she was pregnant (baring in mind shes 28).
Her and my boyfriend still have a good relationship despite the fact shes been absolutely vile to the both of us and I've been civil for my partners sake.
I've recently given birth to twins (emergency c section) and decided that when lockdowns over that I want to have the christened.
My boyfriends other sister and i get on really well and i see and speak to her all the time and shes been a massive help with the twins and my stepson while i was recovering from surgery. I've asked the sister I get on with if she'd be godmother to my twins.
The other sister I dont get on with isn't happy about it and tried to start an argument with me over it. She's also whinged to my boyfriend saying it's all my fault and I'm not being fair shes wants to be godparent to the twins and I'm being horrible. My boyfriend told her shes being godmother to my stepson as we are having then christened together but that's not good enough she wants the twins not my stepson.
I have both my boyfriends sister and my boyfriend moaning about it because she's making him feel guilty and it's his favourite sister.
Am I wrong for sticking by my original decision (as it keeps being said I'm wrong) x

Who have you chosen as Godfather, Jeremy Kyle?

Would love to know if his sister is a practising Christian

Do you know who the biggest problem here is?

Your partner. And then you. The ‘horrible sister’ is irrelevant.

He needs to grow up. You both do.

You walked in to a relationship where you became an instant step mother to a small child who has abandonment and security issues. He’s told you he’d rather live with you than his own parents. This needs dealing with immediately. Your partner should be making his own son feel secure - not you. It all sounds a mess.

He has allowed a member of his family to threaten you with assault and all the other bits and bobs, he’s has allowed this because your just not important enough. This sounds harsh but it’s the reality. The relationship he has with his sister means more to him than the relationship he has with you.

You have enabled him to treat you this way because you have always let it go.

Your in the position now where after you have made a decision on something you have your partner and both sisters manipulating and forcing you it to doing some thing you don’t want to do - this is because you have let your partner place you down at the bottom of the list of priorities.

Unless you are an active Christian and go to church regularly cancel the christening. It means nothing otherwise other than just a party where the kids get dressed up and get given gifts. You can still have people who are active role models to your kids.

You are active in this toxic situation and until you say enough is enough and either put a stop to it or leave you’ll be in this merry go round for a long time.

I really feel sorry for your step son.

@TARSCOUT

This is absolutely ridiculous. Kids all over the place. Adults wanting to fight, mums sorting people outs, dads and grandad getting involved. The whole bloody lot of you need to grow up. OP the only choice you need to make is not to let your children grow up in an utterly dysfunctional shambles of a life. Harsh I know but truthfully you seem not to see how much is wrong with all these scenarios. Get out whilst you can.

Yep.

Someone who tried to fight you, now wants to be godparent to your babies? And she's 28?! Honestly, she sounds a bit mental.

Disengage and distance yourself.

Run! As fast as you can, away from ALL OF THEM!!!!!!

Your boyfriend, I won’t say partner as he clearly doesn’t behave like one should be caring for YOU the mother of his 8 week old twins recovering from surgery and his own two children And not for his idiot sister. Instead he leaves the hard work to his other sister who he doesn’t even acknowledge as much as the nasty one and she’s doing all the leg work
This mu

Your boyfriend sounds a real catch. He needs to have a vasectomy and quick, he should not be breeding anymore children as it's obvious he takes no care or responsibility for any of his offspring. Unfortunately it's always bottom feeding men like this that go on to spread their sperm about with no thought for the poor kids and always manage to find a female to take care of them. Op, your AIBU about the mad, bad and dangerous to know sister seems like the tip of the iceberg of all that is unhealthy in your relationship, like the fact that your BF is leaving all the childcare and housework etc to you. If it wasn't for his nice sister it sounds like you would have just been left to cope, without any help from him. I also think forcing the bad sister as a GM on your poor stepson is a terrible idea. I feel so sorry for your SS, I don't suppose his useless father has attempted to get him any counselling over being rejected by his birth mother and no doubt if your relationship with his father ends he will be dumped on another girlfriend as heaven forbid that his own father parents him.

I've tried talking to my step son's mom about slowly starting contact again so they have a relationship and she isn't interested. I've brought stuff for my partner to do with my stepson like little activity sets and build your own Lego truck sets that go untouched for weeks until I do them with him.
I've spoke to my partner about my stepson and he says hes too tired from being at work all day and he cant do stuff on a weekend just the two of them because his daughter will feel left out even tho I offered to take her for a girly day out. I cant take her out on my own as her mom wont allow it to he just the two so that idea didnt work.
I haven't actually spoke to his other sister for a few weeks as I haven't got the energy for it although I still get messages from her.
Before lockdown i went to church service every Sunday other then the odd Sunday I was asked to cover a shift at work.
Every time I talk to my partner about his sister i get the same response of shes always been the same and that's it x

“ I've tried talking to my step son's mom about slowly starting contact again so they have a relationship and she isn't interested.”

That’s really not your responsibility or place to do that you know.

Bit late for you, but before you get into a relationship look at how your prospective partner treats any child they already have. He gives no shits for his Son, you have become carer for him. How hands on is he with the twins? (Yes, he’s working, most people do and still look after their kids) Hate to say it, apart from nice sil, they have you pegged as a mug.

Sorry sent too soon. This must be drawing for you.
His excuse is that bad sis “always” tries to wreck his relationships is absolutely Pathetic. Why does he just accept that as normal?
He needs to grow up and quickly
I wouldn’t let this violent and quarrelsome woman anywhere near my young babies. She’s completely untrustworthy.
Why isn’t your BF standing up for you and doing more about the house to give you a break
Your parents are right to be concerned. Go and stay with them for peace and quiet whilst you recover and tell your BF to wake up to his responsibilities.
Just because his family always give in to this woman doesn’t mean you have to. She threatened you with violence for heavens sake
. I wouldn’t let her in the front door yet your BF badgers you into making her a godparent. This is purely because it makes life easier for him at your expense.
Keep saying no. Don’t apologise don’t explain just say no! If she’s offended and stays away then that’s a good result
He needs to get his priorities straight, sadly that seems like a big task.
I’m glad you have some support from the nice sister.
I could sum this all up with “see the people who treat you well - stay away from. The nasty ones”

Yep you have a dp problem. He should be having your back. You don't sound unreasonable at all.

Bless your SS. Can you adopt him? Because if you ever split up then the poor sausage will be left with his useless father. And my money is that the useless father will piss you off eventually so you are likely to split. So far he's rubbish with the sister thing and he sounds a crap dad. Wait until his crapness starts affecting your twins and you'll have had enough.

*draining not drawing soz

If i were you i would block the weird sister's number and leave all of the communication with her to your partner. Tell her your phone's broken

I cant adopt him without his moms permission as she still has rights since he wasnt signed away he just moved in. I spoke to her about contact when my stepson asked if he could talk to her cuz he wanted to ask her his questions and possibly spend some time with her depending how it went. He wants to see his mom just not her boyfriend so I tried for him.
My partner will help with feeding occasionally but if they're both awake at the same time he cant do it even tho I brought a feeding pillow to use if they both want their bottle at the same time and he changes the odd nappy that's about it x

Your boyfriend couldn’t even be bothered to build a Lego toy with his son - who was then no more than 7 - when he didn’t even have to come up with the idea or provide the Lego.
At what moment did you think - “yeah, you’ll make a good dad, let’s have a baby?”

Obviously nothing can be done about that now, but please... one day you’ll want rid of this total loser and waste of space. Do everything you can to remain independent and employable until that moment, so that you can go when you want to.

Why can’t he feed them?

Seriously - a man who cannot be bothered to feed his own babies gets no bloody say in who their godparents are! Tell him that.

I'm glad you have your own families support and the support of his other sister. Can I ask how long you have been together? Obviously you are where you are and thank god that little boy (SS) has you but your "partner" sounds like a complete unsupportive dick and I hope he is a great partner in other ways. Is he hands on with his daughter when she comes or is all that left to you?

Your boyfriend is an absolute waste of space. Feel so sorry for your step son, both his parents have failed him and he’s going to have some serious issues as he gets older if his dad doesn’t get a grip. It’s good he’s got you but by the sound of your useless boyfriend you will end up leaving him, and the step son will have no one there for him (not your fault). this pattern plays out all the time on here with fuckwit fathers getting their new gf pregnant so she can raise his kids for him.

If they're both crying to be fed at the same time he asks for help cuz he cant do both but I brought a double feeding pillow from asda which I what I use to feed both at the same time in the day so I know it's a doable thing.
I'm currently on .maternity leave due back at work the 21st of March. I work part time just 16 hours a week but I have a really great boss who is already thinking of how to work out my rota around my moms schedule so I can have my mom help with looking after the twins while I'm at work x

I've been with him 4 years. His son moved in 2 years ago when his mom kicked him out.
He sits and plays ps4 games with both of the big 2 on the weekend or puts a family film on. He makes sure she has a bath and gets clean before she goes back to her moms as she doesn't get bathed at her moms x

Words fail me. I;d be calling socialsevies about his daughter - her 'mother' sounds neglectful.

And your boyfriend is a complete waste of space. I could cry, thinking about what a useless twat he is. His poor dc. Honestly, why did you want to get pg by him and what attracts you to him now???

You sound great. Lucky you have your mum and his not-batshit sister.

Your DP needs to put boundaries in place, pointless you trying if he won’t. His sister has no rights to your dc, so she can stop whinging on.