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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish he'd stop telling me about their criticism

112 replies

Rosebel · 07/07/2020 00:24

My husband was back to work Monday which I'm already struggling with (mainly with the lack of sleep) but also because his work mates piss me off.
In the past they took the piss out of me being a SAHM, then when I got a job they took the piss out of my job.
We have a nearly 3 week old and today they asked him if I was breastfeeding /expressing and why not. I found this quite upsetting as I was breastfeeding but was advised to switch to formula.
It really annoys me that they ask or say things and my husband answers rather than telling them to mind their own business.
I can't control what happens at his work but I have told him before that I don't want to know if I'm being talked about /critized by his colleagues. He asks why I care and I don't know why but I think most people don't want to be critized.
Surely it's not unreasonable to ask him not to tell me if I'm being slagged off? I don't know if they do it all the partners or it's just me. No idea why they have an issue with me, haven't even met most of them!

OP posts:

Billyjoearmstrong · 09/07/2020 08:50

Oh and he wasn’t making it up - one dropped round a card for me with a letter inside telling me how I was impacting Dh work and being unfair to him. He was just lapping up sympathy from women at work by playing the tired, put upon dad when in reality, he did jack shit and wasn’t tired at all as he was getting a solid ten hours in the spare room. He just wanted to be fawned over by them and made cakes.

ErickBroch · 09/07/2020 09:02

Ok. His work mates definitely do not have thes strong opinions on you and I would bet they haven't said barely anything. The problem is with your DH. He is creating all of this and telling you because he is cruel and wants you to feel bad. This is really insidious to read :(

OlaEliza · 09/07/2020 09:05

It really annoys me that they ask or say things and my husband answers rather than telling them to mind their own business

Have you posted about this before op?

Emeraldshamrock · 09/07/2020 09:43

@Billyjoearmstrong I hope you shoved that letter where the sun won't shine.

Villanemme · 09/07/2020 09:55

He's just a shit-bag of a husband. Even women co-workers wouldn't criticise a work-mates's partner's way of feeding a baby. They might show an interest that's all. If it's true why isn't he defending your decisions (as a couple)?

Original poster

Rosebel · 09/07/2020 13:09

Interesting read. I have told him again that I couldn't care less about what his colleagues think and unless they are going to come round and look after our baby they can fuck off.
This isn't because I have ignored a lot of you saying he's making it up but because if it's how he feels I want to know it's from him. I think something might have been said but he's exaggerated it or it's the fact he does tend to give blunt to the point answers (often without thinking about the setting). It's one of the things that make me think he's autistic.
I'm interested in people saying men don't bitch about people though. Where I work it's a 50/50 split and the men are as bad as the women.

OP posts:

ShebaShimmyShake · 09/07/2020 13:18

@Rosebel

Interesting read. I have told him again that I couldn't care less about what his colleagues think and unless they are going to come round and look after our baby they can fuck off. This isn't because I have ignored a lot of you saying he's making it up but because if it's how he feels I want to know it's from him. I think something might have been said but he's exaggerated it or it's the fact he does tend to give blunt to the point answers (often without thinking about the setting). It's one of the things that make me think he's autistic. I'm interested in people saying men don't bitch about people though. Where I work it's a 50/50 split and the men are as bad as the women.

Oh men bitch, for sure, as much as women. But they don't have invested emotional discussions about baby feeding choices.

At any rate, you need to tell him bluntly that if he has something he wants to discuss with you, he needs to own it because there's truly no reason for you to give a fuck what Dan in marketing thinks.

PAND0RA · 09/07/2020 13:18

I'm interested in people saying men don't bitch about people though. Where I work it's a 50/50 split and the men are as bad as the women

Not one single poster has said that. I wonder why that’s what you took away from this thread and all the people who have posted to try and help you.

Do you want to talk about yourself and your own unhappiness at how your husband is treating you ?

Or do you want to discuss “ men vs women - which are the worse gossips” ?

Original poster

Rosebel · 09/07/2020 14:12

I made an observation on what was being said. If you read what else I wrote you will see that I'm interested in what everyone said and have talked to my husband about it.

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/07/2020 14:40

Men do bitch at work and some of the banter is bloody nasty. However, I would surprised if they were expressing an opinion on how you feed your baby.

I think your response is fine. If he was trying to hide behind “my colleagues say...” to pursue his own agenda he hopefully has got the message.

ErickBroch · 09/07/2020 14:46

Of course men 'bitch' but i have never ever heard it about whether a woman chooses to express breastfeed or use formula... and i have, sadly, worked in a lot of bitchy environments of both men and women together

Timekeeper1 · 09/07/2020 16:41

@Rosebel

I made an observation on what was being said. If you read what else I wrote you will see that I'm interested in what everyone said and have talked to my husband about it.

But did you talk to your husband about what we said about men not being interested in 'womens issues' like breastfeeding?

Because regardless of him being autistic, men simply could not give a flying rats about women's things like breastfeeding. It is simply not on their radar. Men don't talk about breastfeeding or women's issues like that. They just.....don't. Any more than they talk about makeup. Men make sarcastic comments about colleagues, but they certainly do not talk about breastfeeding of all things. It seems though going by your last post that you want to believe he is innocent and telling the truth. So I guess you will believe what you want, or rather what you need, to keep your family together. Which is understandable. However somewhere inside of you, you must know that men are more likely to discuss trucks and politics than breastfeeding. You husband is lying to you. No one can make you admit that to yourself though.

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