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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how sister-in-law got her money

115 replies

SweetSouberry · 05/07/2020 19:07

It would be really rude to ask wouldn’t it but I am fascinated?

OP posts:
ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 05/07/2020 21:09

She's a drug dealing, gold digging,serial divorcee escort. Isn't it obvious?

Mittens030869 · 05/07/2020 21:10

Well, she's either successful and makes her own or she has indulgent rich parents and regular handouts.

Or else she's had an inheritance. I had a flat in Greater London which I could afford as a result of an inheritance, which I sold when I married my DH; he sold his house and we were able to afford a house together with a much smaller mortgage than would have otherwise been the case.

But I don't discuss this with anyone, so no one knows about it. It isn't anyone else's business and I would hate to be asked about it.

I understand that it's natural to be curious, but I seriously wouldn't ask.

SmileyClare · 05/07/2020 21:16

That's a great story Pyong

My dh did some tiling work for a very rich man in a beautiful house. Before he retired, he explained he had worked all his life as gardener for a country estate.
Upon the owners death, the entire estate was left to him in his will for his years of dedication as a gardener. Smile

Dh didn't ask though. The gardener volunteered the information when dh admired his garden. It was bittersweet because his wife died shortly after their inheritance. He said he would give all the money up if he could have his wife for a few more years.

theendoftheworldasweknowit · 05/07/2020 21:17

It's a deeply personal question - if she's your friend, you could ask.

If she's just some woman your DH's brother is marrying - absolutely not.

OrchidJewel · 05/07/2020 21:17

Not weird if you don't know what she actually does for a living?

WellDoneBridge · 05/07/2020 21:20

How much money we talking?

Zilla1 · 05/07/2020 21:20

Well, OP, you met a flock tonight. YWBU to ask but as you AIBU touched on being fascinated, I expect most of the PPs would be fascinated, that is when they're not clutching their pearls.

UltimateWednesday · 05/07/2020 21:21

IME most people who appear outwardly wealthy aren't. People who are genuinely well set up don't feel the need to flaunt it. Fancy cars and clothes are easy to do on credit.

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/07/2020 21:22

@SmileyClare

That's a great story Pyong

My dh did some tiling work for a very rich man in a beautiful house. Before he retired, he explained he had worked all his life as gardener for a country estate.
Upon the owners death, the entire estate was left to him in his will for his years of dedication as a gardener. Smile

Dh didn't ask though. The gardener volunteered the information when dh admired his garden. It was bittersweet because his wife died shortly after their inheritance. He said he would give all the money up if he could have his wife for a few more years.

That made me tear up, how beautiful and so sad.
MadameMeursault · 05/07/2020 22:07

@TARSCOUT

My mouth actually dropped open at this question however as I may be the SIL - if I am, the answers won't surprise you! a) It is none of your business. b) Because of how you alienated us you'll never know. c) No, we haven't left anything to your children because of b d) If you hadn't been such a controlling shit SIL you'd be benefitting already.
@TARSCOUT I think you should tell us more. If you feel you can. Sorry, I’m being nosey now.

OP I would want to know too. I have a friend who’s loaded and I have no idea why, I’d love to ask her but daren't.

Guineapigbridge · 05/07/2020 23:02

The gardener volunteered the information when dh admired his garden. It was bittersweet because his wife died shortly after their inheritance. He said he would give all the money up if he could have his wife for a few more years.

The true story was that he knocked his wife on the head and claimed the life insurance ;)

mummmy2017 · 06/07/2020 01:41

We know someone who appears rich.
Credit cards, lots of them.
The Company leases everything ,phones , cars and some other expenses.
The house after 15 year interest only mortgage, had no equity.
Then this virus hit they.
They took dividends, so no financial help on offer. They have been begging family for help.

VioletGrace · 06/07/2020 02:26

Does she work for Arbonne? I know a couple of people who are national Arbonne managers earning 10k plus a month each. Apparently.

WindyRose · 06/07/2020 04:01

TARSCOUT ...perfect reply and one I used back when SIL asked the same question. She smoked (heavily), gambled, long distance overseas travel, never saved a penny as she always bludged off other people. We didn't inherit a penny from anyone, what we had was through sheer hard work and going without things that we deemed unnecessary, with our long-term future in mind.

In a similar vein, when my job was made redundant a few years ago, work colleagues decided they had a 'right' to know how I would spend the redundancy money, which btw wasn't a huge amount.

Again none of their business but the questioning became so bad that the boss joined in and wouldn't sign the redundancy forms which meant I was left with no choice but to provide an explanation.

By coincidence that day in the lunch room at work, someone started discussing porn type websites......bingo!! How convenient as suddenly I dropped into the convo and said 'hey, this is a BIG secret and I would ask if you didn't tell ANYONE'..knowing of course, this group of people could never keep a secret about anything.

So my 'website' was born and their eyes got bigger by the minute. Truly I don't know how I kept a straight face as inside I was laughing uncontrollably but never for one minute did I think anyone would believe me, because I thought they would remember that I was against this type of thing due to the exploitation of women and once they thought it through they would know I was 'pulling their leg'.

Anyway, the boss signed the approval and I was outta there but bumped into one of them later only to be asked 'quietly' what is the url because nobody could find it!! Ha ha ha.....because it 'never' existed and was just my way of saying MYOB!!

Still makes me smile to this day, as while I knew they were a gullible group I underestimated 'how' gullible they were and if they 'really' knew me as they claimed, they would have known a porn site would never be something I would be involved in.

Grin
3cats · 06/07/2020 04:19

I’d be curious too.

It’s like when you hear that someone died. I always wonder how they died.

Of course, I’d never ask unless the information was volunteered.

Maybe she will drop it into conversation one day.

LittleEntrepeneur · 06/07/2020 04:51

I would wonder also. I had a friend a few years ago who I am still friends with on FB. She was LOADED but I have no idea how. Her parents were not and lived in a modest house. She didn't really work. She lived in a very nice apartment and had a nice car.

The most interesting thing about her is that she has many celebrity friends. Her FB feed is full of her skiing and eating out at nice restaurants with actors and TV people.

I have no idea how she funds all of this. She is beautiful and clever and very sociable. I don't think it's prostitution. I am fascinated, though.

So I get it, OP.

HerRoyalNotness · 06/07/2020 05:20

I’m also of the nosey persuasion and would be curious but would never ask. We worked with someone who had all kids in private school, renting a nice house in a ritzy area thar cost twice our housing allowance (expats) drove swanky cars etc... we knew around about how much they earned as in same company and grade level. Could never work it out until we met someone who knew them and it came out they’d had a tip off about a company about to go big, invested and made shit loads off it.

KingofDinobots · 06/07/2020 05:58

I’ve been asked how we can afford things, or where our money comes from. I don’t really mind but I definitely peg that person in my mind as being nosy/lacking social skills.

A close friend did manage to ask me really politely - it was part of a conversation about financial planning/investments and she prefaced it with a lot of “hope you don’t mind me asking, and feel free to tell me to stop being nosy...”. I didn’t think that was rude, but you definitely can’t ask somebody you don’t know well.

Russellbrandshair · 06/07/2020 07:25

@WindyRose
Brilliant! I would do the same, people that nosey deserve to be spun a line and I’d see just how outrageous I could make it

UltimateWednesday · 06/07/2020 07:29

I know someone who lives a jet set lifestyle. She works in the anti fraud dept of a bank and also teaches yoga numerous times a week, so she works hard for her money, but I'm still not sure it supports (in normal times) trips to every society event, Wimbkedon, Henley, Ascot etc and city breaks all over the world, practically every weekend. Although I'm curious about where the money comes from, I'm most interested in how she finds the time!!

ColdGreenTeaMug · 06/07/2020 08:07

I know people wonder about us because we have two dcs in private school and I earn less than the national average and DH has not worked for a decade. People sometimes sort of enquire gently, but often like 'Does DS1 have a schoalraship' or something like that. You know what they are asking. Depending on who they are i do not mind though. I have a gorgoeus collague who is curious and you can't get offended as she is just a lovely sincere person.

Truth is that DH used to work in a ridiculously well paid job and he is a hoarder with money. So he squirreled away alot and it is going on fees. I know people can't quite add it up in their head because we live in a modest house, have modest cars and very modest trips away.

dairyfairies · 06/07/2020 08:13

money for what???

Packingsoapandwater · 06/07/2020 08:17

This happened to me a fortnight ago!

Bizarrely, the lady who enquired is a very wealthy woman herself. It turned out she thought I was a full-time SAHM and couldn't figure out how DH and I managed.

I think it's natural to be curious, but I'd never ask someone.

jollybobs89 · 06/07/2020 08:24

I have a SIL who asks all the time whenever you buy anything how much it was! And I mean literally anything it drives me nutty! Slightly different than asking where we got the money from but felt worth a mention haha

GinDrinker00 · 06/07/2020 08:43

YABU massively. You obviously aren’t very close to her to not have any idea so that says it all really.