About the term 'boyfriend'

[Ijustwantedafringe36]

Light-heartedly of course.
No idea if i'm alone in this but I see the term boyfriend being thrown around a lot here to refer to older men.
Aibu to cringe at this? It just doesn't sound right

I don't see why people think 'partner' has to mean serious and long-term. It's used pretty frequently in non long-term contexts - dance partner, bridge partner, sexual partner. It just means someone you do something with. Perfectly reasonable ageless alternative to boyfriend/girlfriend imo.

dance partner, bridge partner To be fair those are partnerships that take practice, time, commitment and a good understanding of the other person.

Him indoors.

some of these responses have made me smile. I can honestly say having been married , being able to legally call yourself a wife does not guarantee commitment.

To believe that a relationship isn't real without marriage shows an astounding lack of understanding of what a real long term relationship is or can be. My exdh and I were very much married , we did everything the " right " way. My partner is more committed and more of a true life partner (I really hate that fluffiness but in this context its applicable) than exdh was.

Its genuinely quite sad if you feel a relationship isn't " real" without marriage. Been there done that , a day in a white frock does not make a relationship.

Dp and I will get married one day but our relationship will be the same before as it will be after. Maybe age is what teaches you what matters because I probably would have trotted out that bullcrap 15 years ago. The only reason we will get married is because it legally protects us and we have reason to need that. It will not make our relationship any more real from one day to the next.

Aww @heartsonacake you sound so young! We're in our 60s, lived together for nearly 40 years. Next I suppose you're going to call our children 'illegitimate'.😱🤪

I don’t like the word partner. I don’t have a vacancy for a partner. Also hate the variations ‘partner in crime’ or ‘life partner’, other half (I am whole as I am thank you) I don’t mind boyfriend and I am 40. He’s going to be a boyfriend unless he lives with me and pays bills and actually has a partner type role

@Villanemme

Aww *@heartsonacake* you sound so young! We're in our 60s, lived together for nearly 40 years. Next I suppose you're going to call our children 'illegitimate'.😱🤪

Aww, and yet even after so long you’ve never managed to commit to each other! 🤣

@heartsonacake oh bless you , are you under the impression that marriage is the same as commitment ? As in the only form of commitment ?

@heartsonacake

For anyone picking up on my comment about just boyfriend/girlfriend unless they’re engaged, it’s true.

It’s my personal opinion that you’re not properly committed or in a true relationship unless your married, regardless of the number of years you’ve been together.

If you can’t or won’t take that step I just don’t think it’s real.

You’re correct: mortgages, children, supporting each other through illness and bereavements etc are famously very casual steps.

Goodness, imagine having such a limited view of the world.

Hmmm. They started out as my "new fella/bloke" and some graduated being to my "old man"
One made it to husband status.

Not had a "boyfriend" since I was 21

@JellyfishandShells

I saw companion dismissed a way back in this thread, but I think it has some merit, tbh

It suggests live-in partner more than boyfriend to me.

" It's used pretty frequently in non long-term contexts - dance partner, bridge partner, sexual partner. It just means someone you do something with. Perfectly reasonable ageless alternative to boyfriend/girlfriend imo."

I disagree with this. Partner suggests a common household, perhaps joint finances or at least some financial support for each other. Pretty different to a boyfriend you go to the pub with on a Friday night even without the long term aspect.

I met a lovely lady on MN meet up who used the term ‘gentleman caller’ I loved that and have used it ever since

No idea why but partner sounds really pretentious to me. We’re married but I refer to him as the bloke or my bloke. I always think of the Queen when I hear “my husband”.

@AWryGiraffe

Him indoors.

That means husband or live-in partner though.

I told DH he was a good boyfriend earlier - we’re only 6 months married and I still forget to say husband. I also heard him on the phone telling someone at work that his partner is pregnant. I said afterwards that’s a coincidence because so is your wife

We met in our mid 30s. I jokingly referred to him as my gentleman caller, but generally I’m happy with boyfriend/ girlfriend - I’m kind of ok with accepting that can be used to mean older people but then I don’t freak out when adults talk about going out with the boys/ girls either. I don’t like it when men refer to the ‘girls in the office’ though so I’m a bit of a hypocrite. Partner doesn’t come naturally to me somehow, though I did use it sometimes depending on context. Much easier being able to say husband now, I just need to remember to do it.

Oh hearts get over yourself! . Stop getting into such a knot of other people's relationships. Who are you to decide whether someone is serious or not about their relationship? I'm engaged but we don't live together. Where does that stand on your spectrum? Yes technically hes my fiance but obviously we were serious enough to decide to get married. I'm nearly 50 and too old (in my opinion) for a boyfriend so he was my partner.

I remember a columnist decades ago who wrote about his own situation. He and his partner called themselves 'ummer' and 'errum'. As they were always introducing their partner as 'This is my ....um... er...' or 'This is my ...er...umm....' Maybe we could resurrect this? 😄

I don’t get how someone who has been dating someone for a few weeks can use the term partner.
I thought that ‘partner’ meant that you were in a long term, committed relationship without the legal formalities.

I’m clearly old.

I’ve seen people on here torn apart for daring to use the term partner if it’s not a super long term relationship or they don’t live together to name a few examples. People on here love to jump on them and declare he’s only your boyfriend it can’t possibly be a committed relationship unless you live together. Judgmental hacks.

Villanemme You shocking Old Person you!!!

And yes, Ummer and Errum need to be more widely use, and capitalised for import!

For anyone picking up on my comment about just boyfriend/girlfriend unless they’re engaged, it’s true.

It’s my personal opinion that you’re not properly committed or in a true relationship unless your married, regardless of the number of years you’ve been together.

If you can’t or won’t take that step I just don’t think it’s real.

This made me laugh. What rot. So again my parents' 40+ year relationship with shared house, finances, kids and grandkids is what? Fake?

I use ‘other half’ but I agree that none of them sound great. Fiancé sounds too pretentious, partner to formal, boyfriend too young..

“Partner” means spouse equivalent because for so long that is the term used to describe what were practically, but not legally, marriages between same sex couples. When someone uses partner for the guy they have hooked up with a few times, it diminishes the meaning of the word in describing serious relationships that were not properly acknowledged by society.

'It’s my personal opinion that you’re not properly committed or in a true relationship unless your married, regardless of the number of years you’ve been together.'

Well what a pile of smug nonsense