Rehanging the washing

[HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear]

...and hoover when husband cant see you do it?

If I go downstairs and the washing is hung out weirdly, I rehang it then say 'I've had to rehang the clothes'.
If the hoovering isn't done properly, I'll just do it again, while he rolls his eyes.

Apparently I should wait until he's out to do this so his feelings aren't hurt and because at least he's tried.

AIBU to think actually no, I can't let the washing just stay wet and crumpled so I'll do it again and no I can't just have a baby crawl through leaves and muck.

This would grind my gears too but I would leave it. I'd be happy that they had put some effort in tbh.

In what way is his hanging of the washing wrong? Is it your way or the highway?

It's not my way or the highway.
He can hang it out.
I will just go examine and rehang if incorrect then I may casually mention that things won't dry hung up in ball or sleeves not unrolled

I've just had to tell my husband to leave the kitchen. I get in from work later than he does so he cooks and cleans up, I've inspected the draining board this morning and it's grim. He gave me a sulky look so Ito.d him you do actually have to scrub it down a minimum of once a week.

I'm just going to leave him to sulk whilst mulling over what I've said,I shouldn't be having to tell a grown man about kitchen hygiene

Don't redo it get him to redo it properly. No point in him doing stuff if you have to redo it. Or does he deliberately do a bad job in the hope he won't have to help?

I know what you mean about the washing, OP - my DH hangs it out with the sleeves rolled inside themselves, things in balls, hung so it'll never ever dry, which defeats the purpose of him hanging it out to begin with. He's a grown up, he should be able to handle some minor criticism!

My DH is rubbish at hanging washing to the point I don’t even get him to do it anymore as it gives me anxiety even looking at it - honestly looks like a monkey threw it at the line!

Probably petty but just rehang your things? If he’s happy with his hanging then let his one stay like that.

I would never in a million years re-do house work if my partner was shit.
If I realised a corner of a room was missed by accident, I’d sweep it. If one sleeve was on a rare occasion still inside - I’ll pull it through. Neither thing would he mentioned.
If my partner consistently couldn’t do basic housework, I’d tell them to stop taking the piss. And if they dared to tell me to secretly re-do it to spare their feelings? I’d wonder what I actually saw in them.

Why don't you send him out to fix it?
Do it once more, and bring him with you, then send him out again whenever it's wrong.

When the floor is still dirty, hand him the Hoover.

If the want to act like sulky, useless teenage boys then you treat them loose sulky, useless teenage boys.

Dont do it for them.

You have to Secretly rehang only YOUR washing. Leave his in a wet ball with the sleeves rolled up.

Then let him try to iron his own things when they are a mess.

He’s doing jobs badly on purpose so you won’t ask him again. It’s a way of avoiding his responsibilities and still looking good.

He can tell himself that he tried but you are an evil nagging witch with impossibly high standards.

You need to pay him at his own game.

Or trying doing your chores badly and then go out leaving him with the children . Then he can redo your work while you are out so as not to hurt your feelings.

My mother in law does this and it's one of the many reasons I don't see her anymore. She would rehang the washing after I've hung it, it's so rude and interfering not to mention infantilising. There's nothing wrong with the way I hang washing, it works perfectly well but isn't good enough for her weird standards

You go examine how he's hung the washing? I'd be well annoyed if my dh picked holes in the way I do chores wouldn't you?

I rehang it then say 'I've had to rehang the clothes'

YABU to criticise every time he does something.
YANBU to be frustrated but your way isn’t always the right way.

Don't redo it get him to redo it properly
This would give me the rage if I was on the receiving end and I’d tell you to eff off - if you don’t like how I’ve done it then do it yourself. But you don’t get to boss me around and dictate to me how YOU want it done.

I rehang it then say 'I've had to rehang the clothes'
Or you could just rehang the clothes. Why do you need to point it out and make a big deal about it?

I'd mention these things and ask him to do the jobs properly (in the nicest way possible), but if that didn't help I'd leave his washing all bunched up and just rehang mine as clearly it doesn't bother him. Let him deal with his own badly creased and damp clothes. Not sure what I'd do if he still did the hoovering badly though as I'd be loath to redo it but also not want to leave it as it was.

If a partner did this to me I would go mental, it sounds very controlling to be honest. Would you like to be on the receiving end of such behaviour?

@Davodia

So, you and your partner agree to share chores equally. It's your turn to hang out the washing. You hang actual balled up clothes on the line. They will take days to dry, and be creased to all hell at the end of.

But your parent isnt allowed to say "right, this isnt fair. I'm not doing all the housework and what you're doing is deliberately bad to make sure I end up doing it all in future. That's not how partners work. You know how washing is meant to hang so go and hang it"

But in that scenario... you think they're the problem and should do all the work themselves because you've deliberately done it badly?

There’s a difference between being particular about how the clothes are hung and redoing it, even though they would still have dried fine previously, and the situation OP appears to be in which is her husband does a half arsed job, leaving clothes balled up, and then moans when she criticises.

YANBU to be frustrated but your way isn’t always the right way.

The OP's way most certainly is the right way if it just involves making sure the clothes are straightened out enough to dry.

It sounds like he's doing this on purpose so you don't ask him to do it again. My DH tried that a few times in the early days. I just explained that his way wouldn't work and asked him nicely to sort it out. He tried being 'offended' but it didn't stop me asking him so he started doing things properly quite quickly.

If you redo things after him, you'll be doing it for the rest of your married life. I'm quite sure his work colleagues wouldn't accept having to redo jobs after him and keep it quiet so why should you?

Also grown adults can take criticism.

If he does a half arsed job at work do you think his manager decides “oh no I can’t possibly tell him he might feel hurt so I’ll just quietly redo it myself?” No because that would be ridiculous.

you think they're the problem and should do all the work themselves because you've deliberately done it badly?
I haven’t deliberately done it badly. I’ve done it to the best of my ability, it looks fine to me. So I’d be furious about being criticised and bossed around just because it doesn’t meet someone else’s standards. If you don’t like how I’ve done it then do it yourself!

DH once tried to tell me I stacked the dishwasher wrong. I’d been quietly annoyed about the way that HE arranges the plates and so we end up having a massive row minor disagreement about it! 😂

It’s impossible to know whether you are being pernickety and infantilising him; or he is being deliberately lazy and a total knob, because different people have different standards. When I met DH, his whites were not white and his own clothes were always crumpled and not hung up well. He thought it was fine and he was content. His clothes were clean, but not to my standard. I’m a bit of a dick about laundry and wouldn’t wear anything not perfectly laundered and ironed. Rather than berate him, I opted to takeover the laundry.

Luckily he is fastidious about hoovering, so he gets that one.

@Davodia

But this isnt something like hanging a t shirt inside out and OP wanting the the correct way. This is a man hanging up balled up washing, instead of shaking it out.
If you honestly think that is the best of his ability, and you would happily take over all the chores because this poor man doesnt understand how clothes dry and is just doing his best then there is something very wrong with your thinking.

I say it because it's a waste of my time.
I'll usually have done another chore while that's being done so I go and put more washing on or get stuff off the airer and it's still wet which means I rehang it so it has half a chance of drying overnight.
If I was to go get him and make him do it again I think it would be controlling but if someone just launches clothes at the hanger and I've been down and had to fix it then I'm going to say please unball.

If there's leaves everywhere then I'll just finish the hoovwring when he's stopped.
I'll say there's still stuff all over or he'll just Hoover 1 room and I'll say do the rest of the house.
I'd think it was controlling if I followed him around and pointed out each crumb and a waste of time him doing it.

Husband didn't say wait until I'm out, a friend did. She said I was probably upsetting him.
I'm not that concerned.

I feel like I'm constantly doing job finishes.
So he'll empty dishwasher, won't restock.
Will hang out washing, won't bring clean upstairs or brings up, but not away.

I will announce I've done it because I get asked what I do all day if I sit for 5 mins.
So I just list all the half jobs I finished.

I've done the whole 'leave it' thing and it means nothing is done.