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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rehanging the washing

94 replies

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 05/07/2020 10:29

...and hoover when husband cant see you do it?

If I go downstairs and the washing is hung out weirdly, I rehang it then say 'I've had to rehang the clothes'.
If the hoovering isn't done properly, I'll just do it again, while he rolls his eyes.

Apparently I should wait until he's out to do this so his feelings aren't hurt and because at least he's tried.

AIBU to think actually no, I can't let the washing just stay wet and crumpled so I'll do it again and no I can't just have a baby crawl through leaves and muck.

OP posts:
IAmMeThisIsI · 05/07/2020 11:15

Careful OP, you'll be told to divorce him soon over this on MN. I've got a similar issue. Husband doesn't do the washing properly so I just don't have him doing it at all now. He does hoover properly and cooks and cleans up after he cooks (if he cooks at all). Telling you to secretly redo to save feelings is treating him like he's a baby and you're his mother though. But then again, I tried testing to see if he would clean if I didn't and the floors in this house are becoming absolutely disgraceful. YANBU.

BobbieDraper · 05/07/2020 11:17

Maybe you should make a chore list.
Each of you should choose what you want to do, and then you should both discuss what the involved. If he is doing laundry, does he think that means just loading the machine and nothing else or is it loading, hanging up and putting away.

If you come to an agreement and distribute the chores evenly, with both of you understand what that chore entails so it is all fair and no more fighting.

Original poster
HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 05/07/2020 11:24

I know people a chore list but it just in my eyes is crazy.
All it means is 'Oh that's not my chore do not would get walked over or not done.
I just think people living in a house can see a laundry pile and just do it.
Baby wipes need restocking...do it.
Imagine the list.
It would mean me yet again writing a list and me yet again implementing and checking it off.

He's improving.
His clothes he hung out last week stink.
I put mine in to rewash and not his so he can attend work smelling like wet dog.

OP posts:
ChaosRising · 05/07/2020 11:25

You have to Secretly rehang only YOUR washing. Leave his in a wet ball with the sleeves rolled up.

This. Try your best to make sure HE suffers from HIS incompetence. In fact, if you're hanging out the washing, make sure you hang his wrongly in can't be bothered fashion and hang everyone else's properly.

DH does this - I tell him to hang things on the radiator when it's wet and we have washing building up, and he just chucks it all on top of each other without straightening it out and separating each item. Drives me mad.

ChaosRising · 05/07/2020 11:26

Will hang out washing, won't bring clean upstairs or brings up, but not away.

Leave his on the line. Or dump it on his side of the bed.

megletthesecond · 05/07/2020 11:29

He should learn how to hang out washing then. It's not hard.

My neighbours make a right pigs ear of theirs.

snappycamper · 05/07/2020 11:31

@Ellisandra

I would never in a million years re-do house work if my partner was shit. If I realised a corner of a room was missed by accident, I’d sweep it. If one sleeve was on a rare occasion still inside - I’ll pull it through. Neither thing would he mentioned. If my partner consistently couldn’t do basic housework, I’d tell them to stop taking the piss. And if they dared to tell me to secretly re-do it to spare their feelings? I’d wonder what I actually saw in them.
Nailed it
Fleamaker123 · 05/07/2020 11:36

My DH does this. He even drapes items over the lines without pegging, which is a major offence Grin I just rehang the clothes that are bugging me if I really can't bear it. I don't pull him up on it. He really doesn't see the issue. I do things that bug him too!

PeanutButterKid · 05/07/2020 11:36

DH does this to me. Not the hoovering, but if I do them he usually redoes

hanging the washing,
loading the dishwasher
stacking items in kitchen cupboards
he folds the laundry that I take off the line, too. I would leave it all jumbled up to be put in the airing cupboard as a loose heap.
and probably several other jobs I might do he will redo.

So I try very hard to never do those jobs. It's wasted effort.

he especially likes to take the laundry off the line still damp, fold it neatly, and put in the airing cupboard where the still damp items naturally go smelly since their surfaces can't get dry. I often ruffle it all up in the cupboard to so the warm air can actually finish drying the items.

He attentively grows lots of fruit/veg plants indoors, plants them out gently - and promptly abandons them. Never even tells me where they were planted, never waters them, never harvests anything.

But of course his ways are right & I'm wrong.

-Off to finish a big DIY job I've been doing since May.

StCharlotte · 05/07/2020 11:38

As far as the washing goes you're both being ridiculous.

As for the hoovering, that's quite interesting. I've lived with a few men (house shares etc) and with DH of course and without exception they do a much better job of hoovering - pulling out furniture etc.

PlanDeRaccordement · 05/07/2020 11:49

This will fester if you just continue as you are redoing everything he does. Announcing each thing you’ve redone is passive aggressive too and will only discourage him from doing any chores at all. No one wants to be constantly told that their effort was 100% useless.
There must be chores he is good at. You don’t need a formal list, but a discussion as to who does what and what it includes would probably help. At that time, you can share methods and standards like make sure the sleeve are not balled up and you use pegs when hanging out washing. If you’re picky about something, then make that one of your chores. You could split laundry to you wash and hang out, then he takes it in, folds and puts it away for example. Then you just let each other do it their way.

StormzyInaDCup · 05/07/2020 12:04

People actually 'inspect' their OHs work? I've heard it all now.

Firstly, that's controlling behaviour. Secondly, they are your partner (equal) not your child!

Original poster
HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 05/07/2020 12:09

I don't take a clipboard and inspect.
I make an observation.
And if I've had to do it again I'll say or he'll come down and ask what I'm doing.

Putting laundry away in a loose heap? It's just crazy.

OP posts:
CoRhona · 05/07/2020 12:13

If I was your DH, and I'd hoovered and you then came and redid it, I would not ever do it again.

What a pa way of dealing with the situation Hmm

Original poster
HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 05/07/2020 12:50

It's not passive aggressive. If I come upstairs and there's hair on the floor. I'll clean it up. That involves the Hoover.
What's passive aggressive about cleaning properly.
I'm not going to leave it a state.
If he gets upset then he could just do it properly.

He'll Hoover a patch carpet if something obviously spilled but then stops. I will say do the rest of the carpet or don't bother.

OP posts:
Runnerduck34 · 05/07/2020 13:00

Lol! Husband currently cutting grass, he always misses the edges, if i go out and just tidy up bits he misses he gets the hump so in a few minutes I will have same quandary, i let edges go last time but now they really need doing!

vanillandhoney · 05/07/2020 13:12

How would you like it if he followed you around and re-did all your work?

PP is right - it is passive aggressive.

Original poster
HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 05/07/2020 13:47

It's not passive aggressive.
I want washing that dries and floor that's clean.
I'm merely completing the job.
Correctly

OP posts:
StormzyInaDCup · 05/07/2020 13:52

Correctly? To your standards?

Like it or not op, it's passive aggressive and controlling. Leave him alone, he's a grown man. Presumably he's capable of holding down a job and has managed to keep himself alive all these years. I'm sure the guy can do a few chores in his own way, if he's wrong, then he will learn for next time. What makes you so superior?

vanillandhoney · 05/07/2020 13:54

@HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear

It's not passive aggressive. I want washing that dries and floor that's clean. I'm merely completing the job. Correctly
It's still passive-aggressive!

Like I said, what if you did something and he came along afterwards and re-did it? Would that not piss you off? Especially if he sat there and said "I've had to re-hang the washing because it wasn't completed correctly" - he's an adult, not your child.

If you're not happy with how it's done, get him to re-do it. Don't go around correcting him whilst you huff and make snide remarks.

thistimelastweek · 05/07/2020 13:55

I would be more annoyed that he's not uncrumpling stuff before it goes on the wash. Wet balled-up socks are not ok

TheBouquets · 05/07/2020 13:57

I HAD a husband like that. Note HAD! He would do things badly or not even start so that he would not be asked again. It was quicker to do things myself than ask him.
It was irritating as he was also a financial inadequate and hobosexual so I got rid of him.
I still had to do everything myself but there was one less person in the household and I did not have to put up with his moaning and complaining or his expectation of being treated as lord and master.
This improved my life.

Could your DH be similar? You will know best

redwoodmazza · 05/07/2020 14:16

Mine's like this OP. I feel your pain.

I constantly hope [in vain] that he'll learn and do things better - but he doesn't and I waste my time doing things again that he's already done - badly.

Isn't it better to do it properly in the first place than explain why you didn't? Angry

1forAll74 · 05/07/2020 14:26

There are two couples who live either side of me, one youngish couple, and the others are 50 plus. Both men either side hang the washing out in perfect order, better than there wives. The best hanger upper, is the younger man who is Romanian ! He gets a 10/10 from me, and he is very good looking as well. ha ha.

badg3r · 05/07/2020 14:30

Ooh I would be sooo tempted to do as precious posters suggested, do a job badly, then tell him you are going out so he can fix it while you're not here!