Rehanging the washing

[HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear]

...and hoover when husband cant see you do it?

If I go downstairs and the washing is hung out weirdly, I rehang it then say 'I've had to rehang the clothes'.
If the hoovering isn't done properly, I'll just do it again, while he rolls his eyes.

Apparently I should wait until he's out to do this so his feelings aren't hurt and because at least he's tried.

AIBU to think actually no, I can't let the washing just stay wet and crumpled so I'll do it again and no I can't just have a baby crawl through leaves and muck.

Previous posters, not precious!

I get asked what I do all day if I sit for 5 mins

Why on earth do you have to justify to him how you've spent your day? He's not your boss!

I'm with you on the washing. Dh always leaves crumpled bits so re-hanging saves effort in the long run. I'll adjust stuff I've hung up if I notice something twisted or crumpled, too.

I'd tell your DH he needs to get the vacuum cleaner back out and vacuum up properly, though. I wouldn't be grateful that he's "made an effort" when he clearly hasn't. I can't be doing with selective incompetence when it comes to such a basic task.

My husband does a lot of the chores but hanging out washing is not his strong point. I have to go and redo bits of it or it will never dry. I have to do the folding too as his is horrendous. He does genuinely try some times though and gets cross if I try and show him a different (neat!) way of folding.

I had to stop myself from saying well done to dh on the way he hung the washing out yesterday

... Slippery slope and all that..

Is it your way or the highway?

Seems to be the MN motto when it comes to husbands, partners and Mothers-in-law!

Seems we have a few on here who think men should receive accolades for anything and everything, regardless of the consequences. My H does this with everything from the washing to buying insurance, cooking, dealing with builders, getting a passport - everything is a mess. He's quite happy with the situation, none of it is his fault, I should be grateful he tried.

How is this an adult?

Just remembered STRATEGIC INCOMPETENCE!! (anyone else recall that thread?)

@DishingOutDone can you link it. That sounds like an interesting thread

There would be some women here that would weep with joy that their partners were even having a token go at hanging out washing and hoovering.

I think it is rather passive aggressive and very critical to re-do what he’s done and then point it out to him. Quite mean actually.

And why ask AIBU if you aren’t willing to entertain the fact that perhaps you might be a bit unreasonable as the majority of voters would reflect? From your follow up posts your sound like very hard work.

I will however say that of course men shouldn’t receive a gold medal for doing the bare minimum when it comes to housework, of course not. But nobody is perfect, I’m sure my partner could mention a few things that I could do better too but I think there’s better ways to go about it than passive aggressively ‘fixing’ things.

Actually I think you are right, there is a basic standard of doing things for example if you hang out washing the sleeves should be out and it should be hung in a way that means pegs don't damage the fabric. This is not fussy or picky it is a basic level of doing the chore, ditto with washing up, the. Items should be clean and not greasy, no food left. Sink should not have food and greasy residue left in it. Glasses should have soap rinsed.

I also think that if anyone man or women can not make the effort to do a chore to the basic level then they should try harder not just be celebrated cos they did half a job, cos the other half of the job still has to be done and is a pain to redo what someone has not finished correctly.

I think you are right about the need to rehang the washing (I can’t stand that musty smell when it’s been done wrong). But don’t rehang it yourself - good grief! If it isn’t strategic incompetence it’s basic incompetence, and either way an adult should be able to hang washing so that it stands a chance of actually drying.

There's a personality disorder called OCPD where other people can never meet your standards.

I have executive function issues and don't always see mess etc. If my DH had OCPD (his parents do), we wouldn't be married.

You have to accept that different people have different standards.

Your way sounds incredibly passive aggressive and patronising, OP. You shouldn't be 'examining' his work and then 'correcting' it. Just have a conversation, like grown ups.

...and people wonder why I love living on my own🤷🏻‍♀️

My OH doesn't like the way I hang washing. He does all the washing. I'm not offended, I leave him to it.

Leaves everywhere? That's a bit odd to start with. Where in your house are there leaves lying around? Why are they waiting to be vacuumed up? Any stray (rare) leaves which blow in get picked up and binned straight away in this house.

Just do your own washing. That’s often a good compromise? Then you can hang yours correctly in your opinion and he can hang his as he pleases.

YANBU he should be able to do it properly. He is a grown man with a brain ffs.
DP is very guilty of doing a shit job of any housework too. Dishes don't get washed properly. He seems to have some aversion to using more soap and the proper scrubber. Glasses and always smeary, food left on cutlery and plates.
He can hold down two jobs, that actually take skill and precision, but can't wash fucking dishes, or hoover so that the floors are actually clean!

I wouldn't leave just his washing crumpled on the line.. childish!

I think I do a good job of hanging the washing out
DH thinks he does a good job of hanging the washing out

Just different standards.

@TheBouquets - tried to search but the phrase "strategic incompetence" is now embedded in MN speak so loads of threads (like this one) come up. The one I am thinking of went on for months, they split up in the end - the H was using it as a sort of control, they had quite a bit of counselling and that made it worse with him saying that he'd try much harder to help, making him look like a hard pressed, hard working DH. Anyway, I can't find it sorry.

My husband redoes things I do all the time and it makes me feel like shit tbh.

@crimsonlake

If a partner did this to me I would go mental, it sounds very controlling to be honest. Would you like to be on the receiving end of such behaviour?

The OP is not talking about their partner doing things a bit differently from how they would. They are talking about them doing it inherently incorrectly/badly.

E.g. if someone is cleaning the floor, then the floor should be clean when they have finished. Or if they are hanging out the washing, it should be possible for it to dry and not smell musty. Otherwise there was no point doing it at all.

And if someone is doing it persistently, I'd suspect they were the controlling one, trying to get out of doing any housework (i.e. putting it all on the other person) by deliberately doing it badly.

It is entirely reasonable to point out issues like that.