To think we arent being real with our children?

[Just01]

We are constantly teach them to believe they can be what they want,have what they want,live the life they want,all it takes is work and a positive attitude!its bullshit.life is full of failure and disappointment,dissatisfaction and probably 90%of people just struggle and get by each day.if we keep telling kids oh just try hard yoi can achieve anything we are setting them up to fail,sometimes they cant get what they want no matter how hard they try or what they do.we need to be more real with our kids and tell them it's ok,that they can try and get the lives they want but it may not happen and the emphasis in life should be about being good and happy.

And what if nobody will hire you as a post-doc because you’re autistic and they don’t want you as their colleague? Someone who comes across as “weird” isn’t going to get picked even if they’re the best candidate.

I can only speak for my own field in the Humanities, but men on the autistic spectrum are definitely over-represented in my experience. A professorial colleague in my last department is the pre-eminent authority in his subfield and autistic.

My tactic is to think we should encourage kids to go for the long shot first but always have a back up plan.
Better than my dad who although he was encouraging academically, was also risk adverse. I will encourage dd to go for her dreams but modify them accordingly.
Dd although a talented singer has decided she dosn't want to push her talent which is dissapointing but fine. I'd rather she was happy. She can always do it as a hobby. If she wanted to go for it i would encourage her but i will not force her.
She wants to be a model and while she is besutiful, i have no illusions about the fickle savagery of the industry so have told her to work at school too.

My dad on the other hand has the attitide of better play safe and not go for the long shot. I think he regrets not going to art school where he had a place and took a more " sensible" decision. I regret this too.

@malificent7 - DS2 is like your DD. He's a talented musician at an instrument that lacks seriously good players. I asked if he was planning on doing it professionally and he said he'd looked into it and read too often that musicians say the joy goes out of playing when they turn professional. He wants to keep the joy by finding a band to play in pubs with, while holding down a more stable job. I think that's a good balance.

A lot has resonated on here. I was sent to a private school and got good grades but have been unable to forge a career as my face dosn't fit anywhere and i work hard too.

I guess on the way to success there are failures . Also, it depends what you class as a " succesful" life. If you think having a mansion and posh car are markers of success then you might find life harder work than if you are happy with a modest life. Agree that resiliance is key.

Howmanysleeps

Your post really resonated with me. I was in a similar position and yep the job went (but totally, I am currently a sahm). I feel a failure because I was set up for bigger things and expected to achieve them and love form one parent seemed conditional on achieving these things. Plus other parent who didn't seem to care a less = no aspirations for me whatsoever.. However, I realise now, I would have never attained that love so it was all rather pointless. The only thing I can do now is pat my self on the back for achieving my degree (and a good one) plus I did enjoy my time as a student (but not really the subject) and that is all I am left with.

Unfortunately, after leaving the education system, I absolutely crumbled. I was a cripplingly shy young person who could pass exams but didn't know how to get ahead, as it were. My mental health suffered a lot when I was young and, to an extent, it impacts on my feelings of self worth a lot as an adult. I am in a low wage job because I honestly don't think I have the right personality for a high powered job.

I can relate to this totally. Shy when younger and mental health impacted + not the right personality to handle stress/too much responsibility. I have drifted from one admin job to another and now currently a sahm (I also have a degree). Once I left the education system, I floundered, I'd lost my safety net.

I think it's really important to teach kids that they need to work for what they want, but also that many things have vaue, many people just have a job because it is a job and needs to be done, and that there are many ways besides a career to become satisfied.

If anyone looks around there are many many people who are not in "aspirational" jobs. They just aren't, and I doubt if half of all jobs are of that type. Those people are not failures and most of those jobs are important to us in one way or another. It's good for people to know their work is important.

But it's ok not to feel like those jobs are inherently fulfilling, too. That doesn't make someone a failure, and it's important to realise it's ok to not have work of that type.

Loads of jobs are essential but not paid lots or appreciated as they should be imo; supermarket workers, carers, delivery drivers, farm workers (covid has highlighted this). These workers should be respected as well and have decent working conditions. My parents taught me not to look down on others and to fight injustice in the world (and to join a union!) I think you can teach yourself to live on a lot less money than ppl think you need as well and this gives you more freedom. A lot of what ppl consider "essential" really isn't, it's just marketing makes us think it is. I do agree that academic success doesnt nearly translate into career success but it can be satisfying for its own sake sometimes; I remember being really pleased when I got a good grade on a difficult essay or whatever at school and when I got my B in Maths GCSE I was really proud of myself since I struggled so much with it the whole 5 years. My parents always encouraged but never pressured me.

*neatly translate

Education and doing well at school gives you more options though.
Even going to uni (wasn't able to afford to) gives you options.

You can transfer that degree into something else at a later date, you don't have to do the "access" course to get into that new career that you want to after having kids.