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Original poster

Fed up with MIL calling to the house non stop

410 replies

Rosiebelle17 · 03/07/2020 23:27

Hi I’m ready to explode
My mother in law calls non stop in person over 5/6 times every day
She calls at meal times bed times etc and will not go away , she calls when I have my own family and will not go away
I have tried pulling all the blinds but she keeps knocking and calling out
She knows I’m there as she sees my car outside the house
Someone please help me
I have two kids under 3 and the disruption is causing havoc
I asked my husband to tell her politely but he goes off on a rant that he will tell her stay away for good

OP posts:
Pinot4me · 04/07/2020 10:13

Does she do anything whilst she is there? Does she help you in any way? I have a DIL, who I get on fantastically with, but I wouldn’t dream of just popping round (even though she tells me, I’m welcome to). I can’t imagine why anybody would think this was OK... it must be hellish!

cheeseaddict420 · 04/07/2020 10:13

Is this one of those threads where the op just wants a bit a moan really? Op it doesn’t sound like you’re actually going to stop her coming, your H won’t help, you say she doesn’t listen - there is no ‘strategy’. Either you tell her to fuck off, everyone gets upset but she leaves you alone, or things just continue as they are.

Though good idea from pp to ditch you kids with her and go for a coffee or to the shop that sounds great actually!

cooldarkroom · 04/07/2020 10:15

Open door,
No you cannot come in. I have repeatedly told you that your visits are too frequent & completely ruin my routine.life
This has ended as of today,
Please go away.
Close door.

lilgreen · 04/07/2020 10:15

What’s wrong with her? Seriously she sounds deranged. I couldn’t live like that. I’d have to move, far away.

Nottherealslimshady · 04/07/2020 10:16

I'd open the door but stand in the way so she cant come in and say "sorry it's not a good time, can you ring before you come over tomorrow please, see you later :)" and shut the door.

pudcat · 04/07/2020 10:27

||If your m in l has dementia she may have forgotten that she has been to see you each time she comes round. I know someone who does and someone gently takes her back home. She did not go out at all during lockdown as I think her family put notices up in her house near the doors saying "Do not go out". The odd time she took no notice she was taken home. She stills uses the phone several times a day but that is easier to finish a conversation. Perhaps she needs a dementia test. If she has it there is no point in getting angry because she will forget.

mrsBtheparker · 04/07/2020 10:29

Instead of trying to politely tell her 'it's not convenient' etc tell her the truth, 'I don't want you here until you are invited', politeness has not effect on this kind of person.
You could tell her that you have covid and need to isolate for a few weeks.

Nanalisa60 · 04/07/2020 10:32

Why don’t you make up a time table of when she can visit and for how long She can stay, may be include coming for tea one night a week, also would you consider dropping off the kids at her house for Maybe one/two hours Once or twice a week, given you some time to yourself.

Once you have decided on the timetable then tell her that if she does not keep to it then the house will be going up for sale and you will move miles away.

pictish · 04/07/2020 10:33

Don’t make her up a timetable ffs.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 04/07/2020 10:36

YOu need to show her and your dh up ..forget being diplomatic,Get her over for a meal with you and dh and say right now we are all here when are you moving in MIL..only you spend so much time here you might as well! I have a life an dfriends of my own and you are not giving me any privacy to live my life and it needs to stop right now.Sort it OP embarrass him and her and make them listen. I love you and appreciate you but we have to set some boundaries here,Please feel free to call one day a week when me dh and the kids are here but thats it.

mrsBtheparker · 04/07/2020 10:37

That he threatens you with awful consequences if he gets involved as in you'll never see her again

Awful consequences? Sounds like an excellent outcome to me.

LannieDuck · 04/07/2020 10:37

You sound like quite a passive person (I mean that as an observation, not a criticism). Do you find it difficult to assert your wishes?

This is easily solved if you stop worrying about what others think. Your MIL isn't concerned about your feelings. Your DH just wants to placate his mum and have an easy life - he's not worrying about your feelings. So why are you so worried about what they think?

DH won't deal with his mother. He's made that clear. So you need to.

  • When she comes over, tell her clearly that her incessant visits are disruptive.
  • From now on, you'd love to see her once on X day and once on X day. And that's it.
  • She's not to call more than that, and if she does, you'll ignore her.
  • Don't let her push past you at the door - she doesn't come inside unless you want her to.
  • You may need to be very direct / get angry to communicate how serious you are about this.

...then stick to it. Strong boundaries, no matter how much she complains.

pictish · 04/07/2020 10:40

I agree sally - especially the bit about having a life and friends of her own and not being given the privacy to live her own life.

Say that OP. Make sure they both understand how inappropriate the current situation is. Because it is.

rottiemum88 · 04/07/2020 10:41

Telling her is no good
I need a strategy to stop it

You've told her that calling at bedtime is disruptive. You aren't being clear enough - "MIL, you are not to turn up at our house unless you check with us first. Your visits are disruptive. If you continue to do it, I won't be answering the door". Don't be a pushover

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 04/07/2020 10:55

@topoftheshops

I would tell her, "MIL, you come around far too much and I feel suffocated. You need to only come around when we have arranged it." Then give her a time e.g. 2pm on Sunday (ideally when DH is around).

If she turns up outside that, say, "MIL, what did we discuss yesterday/last week/two minutes ago? I can't let you in now. I'll see you on Sunday."

Then next time, "is there a reason why you're ignoring what I'm asking you to do?" Let her hopefully squirm.

Next step would be, "you are seriously interfering with my right to privacy and to enjoy my home. If if you carry on harassing me I will have no choice but to take further advice." Do not answer the door again ever.

I would also say to DH, "I have told you your mother is here 5-6 times a day banging on the door, disturbing me and the children. It is way too much. I am happy to see her once/twice a week/month (whatever you think) but I can't have this current situation continuing. You have so far refused to help. Why is that?" Let him hopefully squirm.

Then, "I think it would be better coming from you but if you don't tell her to back off, I will. Which would you prefer?"

Do this and move house.
Crankley · 04/07/2020 11:01

This would drive me insane and I think it's time for you to get forms for emigrating to Australia, even if you have no intention of going. Next time she comes round, have them spread out on the table and sit filling them in. She will ask what you're doing and you tell her that you have asked her countless times not to turn up at your doorstep several times a day, every day and as she won't stop, you and the children will be emigrating to Australia with or without her son.

Alternatively, have you thought about parking your car a road away? I know it's a pain but if she doesn't see it outside your house, she will hopefully assume you are out and go home. Don't answer your mobile and if she later asks say you left it at home.

So many men are gutless when it comes to dealing with their mothers, yours is one of them.

Good luck.

lockdownalli · 04/07/2020 11:04

You have a DH problem.

You have to move house.

CambsAlways · 04/07/2020 11:04

Is your mother in law Sick, not normal behaviour is it, I can’t believe what I’m reading, I wouldn’t put up with it everyday let alone 5/6 times day. She sounds lonely, why can’t she function without being at your house, I’d have those bags packed ready to move

QuestionableMouse · 04/07/2020 11:08

Honestly next time she pitches up, open the door and tell her to fuck off.

Close the door.

Job done.

AfterSchoolWorry · 04/07/2020 11:09

I would definitely move.

CallmeAngelina · 04/07/2020 11:10

@pictish

He probably wouldn’t mind because she’s so familiar to him. She would be on hand to help him look after the kids and keep them entertained so he could do his own thing.

He’s not seeing it from the OP’s perspective so he can’t see the problem.

I meant wold he tolerate similar visits from the OP's mother, his mil (not his own).
Mintjulia · 04/07/2020 11:12

The only way to deal with someone like that is to open the door, on the chain, say, “please go away you are disturbing us.” And close the door sharply in her face.

If she refuses to leave, call the police.

OverTheRainbow88 · 04/07/2020 11:14

Wow that’s excessive and not normal!!

Did she do this before lockdown or she particularly lonely at the moment?

I’ve got the opposite with my MIL, never calls; see her once a year for a 2 hour slot she fits us in around Xmas time!!

pictish · 04/07/2020 11:15

Oh I see! Sorry.

No would he fuck tolerate his mil forcing herself on him on a daily basis like this...not a chance.

It really is a shocker, this.

OverTheRainbow88 · 04/07/2020 11:16

Practically, can you make set days/ times which are convenient for a visit for the following 2 weeks? And then the other times politely tell her you have other plans!