Fed up with MIL

[Sunsetred]

So I'm getting a bit fed up with my MIL and DH making decisions about our baby. There's been so many things but the latest came up today and it's really annoyed me. MIL keeps insisting that we get LO's ears pierced at Claire's. She's 11 weeks and I 1. don't want to pierce her ears yet and 2. wouldn't get it done at Claire's in any event as I have heard that the guns they use there are unhygienic. When I said this to them MIL acted like I was being irrational and making things up and DH just went along with her (he's basically afraid).

Next, my MIL started going on about feeding LO solids next month (when she's 3 months old). I want to exclusively breastfeed as recommend until she is 6 months old but again I was scoffed at like I'm talking crazy. Its making me feel really undermined and like I have no control but then not sure whether I'm just over reacting?

They are lunatics? Tell your DH straight!

Let me be the first to say...you have a DH problem. He should be backing you up.

Your husband needs to remember who his wife is, and your MIL is unhinged. Ignore her and never leave your baby alone with her, because I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her. Pierced ears at 11 weeks? That's just disgusting.

first chance she gets your MIL will get the ears pierced

If my mil pierced my babies ears she would never See her again and I wouldn’t give a shit about being called a crazy bitch.

Solids is a generational thing and equally batshit

Wow. She sounds batshit.
You need to lay down some very clear boundaries OP and tell your partner you expect your full backing.
Who the F does she think she is?!

Good grief please don’t do either of those things.

MIL would be shown the door, as would DH if he didn’t speak up in support of me also!

Can you have your health visitor explain over the phone the dangers of this and the recommendations on weaning in their presence? That’s way too young to start solids.

Is it a cultural tradition for your MIL?

I don’t blame you not wanting it done it sounds awful. Your husband needs to support your decision.

She's totally bonkers you need to get your DH told he needs to back you or he's moving out

Agree with a PP that the solids thing is a generational thing. My mum was on at me from the minute DS turned 3 months. The first few times she said it, I explained the advice was 6 months now. When she carried on banging on about it it just kept going mmmm yeah, probably next week when I've bought some weaning bits. And just kept that up until 5/6 months.
The ear piercing thing is awful though. I worry she might just take her and get them done without your permission.

Don't feel undermined, or pushed into anything ridiculous, you are dds mum so you will be making these decisions, i wouldn't even bother being polite when she comes out with that crap, tell her straight its not happening /fuck off you insane bitch
you have a dh problem, firm words are needed with dh

Tell MIL to fuck off, and tell DH that he needs to start sticking up for you when she constantly tries to undermine you as a parent. Suggesting an 11 week old has holes put through her ears, honestly!

Fortunately your DC have their mother who will use her judgement about what is in their best interests.

Good luck and don't be afraid to front up your MiL and DP who should realise that there are some red lines about which he should be more afraid of his DW than his DM.

@Aquamarine1029

Your husband needs to remember who his wife is, and your MIL is unhinged. Ignore her and never leave your baby alone with her, because I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her. Pierced ears at 11 weeks? That's just disgusting.

This ^^

You need to be quietly assertive, and put your foot down. You are the baby's mother, and you get to decide what is best for her, not your stupid and uneducated MIL. And your husband should have your back.

Why on earth would anyone get a baby’s ears pierced? Especially during a pandemic. Surely they would pull at them, could damage themselves, dislodge and swallow them...
Just tell her no and tell your DH that decisions about your baby happen between you and him.

Wrt to introducing solids: just tell her no. The HV and GP and WHO guidelines are 6 months and that her views are long out of date.

And tell your DH the same message as before.

I wouldn’t leave your baby with MIL; she will give her solids behind your back.

Agree that solids is a generational thing, advice used to be 3 months. HV told me it is fine to introduce some solids a bit early if they are ready and showing signs of wanting food (we did veggie purèes at 4 and a half months) but milk should be their main diet as cutting it down too early is linked with IBS? MIL kept pushing the solids at 3 months thing until I relayed this (DH has IBS) then she shut up.

Nip it in the bud right now my youngest is 1 and I’ve only just had the balls to tell mine. I wish I’d done it sooner!
As far as the ear piercing absolutely not! Even culturally it’s wrong. Especially clares! The guns they use are effectively causing a blunt force trauma. Massively excessive force to use on a child for no reason other than vanity. Piercings should always be done with a needle.

Serious words needed without mil there. Tell your dh to back you up. To mil’s face, tell her this is not her child and she has fuck all say in what you choose to do as her mother. Jeez, some people are bonkers!

The weaning thing is what the generation up from ours did- it was completly normal to give a sugary mushed up rusk at 2 months old or even mixed with milk in a bottle. Waiting until 6 months then was unheard of! Thing is many of the previous generation don’t read or research or care about current recommendations. Sleeping on the front is ‘fine’ co sleeping and bf laying down is extremely ‘bad’ feeds should be strictly 3 hourly, if baby is crying before 3 hours, leave them to cry as next feed isn’t ‘due’
When I had my first child I was bf. My MIL kept asking my is she ‘due’ a feed? She couldn’t get her head round I Breast fed her when she asked for it?!
She also couldn’t understand why I had baby in a sling- how could she possibly coo over her grandchild when she could hardly see her wrapped in a sling!
You have to be very firm. Don’t be afraid of saying what you want as a mum. Stick to your guns no matter how much she dissaproves and try not to take it personally when she is upset with you for not getting her way!

Erm... nope.

You need to put your foot down.

It will probably be twisted but you need to be prepared to 'be the bad guy' the rational one.

My MIL wanted to take my EBF PFB out for whole days when he was tiny. DH spoke to her, which was relayed to anyone who would listen as me being uncomfortable with her taking the EBF TINY baby.

Sounds like you need to make sure your DH is more afraid of upsetting you than his mother.

OP stand your ground you are definitely not being unreasonable etc

Is there a cultural difference?

Look I’m sorry but you’re screwed for as long as you stay with your husband. Surely you knew he was like this before you had a baby, before you were married?