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Original poster

Fed up with MIL

80 replies

Sunsetred · 03/07/2020 22:45

So I'm getting a bit fed up with my MIL and DH making decisions about our baby. There's been so many things but the latest came up today and it's really annoyed me. MIL keeps insisting that we get LO's ears pierced at Claire's. She's 11 weeks and I 1. don't want to pierce her ears yet and 2. wouldn't get it done at Claire's in any event as I have heard that the guns they use there are unhygienic. When I said this to them MIL acted like I was being irrational and making things up and DH just went along with her (he's basically afraid).

Next, my MIL started going on about feeding LO solids next month (when she's 3 months old). I want to exclusively breastfeed as recommend until she is 6 months old but again I was scoffed at like I'm talking crazy. Its making me feel really undermined and like I have no control but then not sure whether I'm just over reacting?

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 03/07/2020 23:18

@FizzyGreenWater

Sounds like you need to make sure your DH is more afraid of upsetting you than his mother.
I love this ^^ Grin
MUM2019MARVEL · 03/07/2020 23:19

Jesus Christ..and I thought my fiance's mum was controling!! I know it's hard when your talking to a crazy woman..but try to educate her tell her that early weaning can cause problems with intolerance of foods if introduced too early, and even allergic reaction (knowledge is a powerful tool- against tools) ..if that doesn't work you can always say "you wouldn't want to cause your grandchild a trip to the hospital with this pandemic would you" if she has any sense she will back straight off and understand where your coming from. (Your bang on with the breastfeeding for atleast 6 months btw) I wouldn't even entertain the idea of anyone telling me how to feed my newborn so don't you move an inch when it comes to that, your baby your rules. Your doing right by your baby your the only person stopping this madness, so f*#k her! I'd get her told now..you don't want to be in my shoes, I can't even be in the same room as the woman. You need to tell your partner you don't want to be with a man who can't have his own mind and say no to his mother?! Ask him why the hell is it beneficial to anyone especially the baby ((a fucking baby though!?)) to have it's ears peirced!! Some things you can let go if they're not big problems..but this is ringing major alarm bells. I'd be getting rid of that boy you call a partner and protecting that baby from anyone who thinks it's ok to take over and parent it! Congrats on your baby and best of luck for the future OP.

Notcontent · 03/07/2020 23:21

It sounds like a cultural thing, coupled with maybe being uneducated? What is she going to suggest next - blending up McDonald’s to give your baby a treat? I am only half joking as I have heard of people doing that...

Pantsomime · 03/07/2020 23:21

OP you have to give this thread to your DH To read - not a single person agrees with MIL, the whole of Here and now motherhood Is with you. Tell him it’s nothing personal as none of us have met his DM but we all Think her ideas are crazy. Tell him you’ll print and send this thread to her if he Doesn’t back you up and I’m sure she would be more than upset and take it personally reading this than hearing you being backed up - stand firm

dicksplash · 03/07/2020 23:22

@Swirlyceiling

Agree that solids is a generational thing, advice used to be 3 months. HV told me it is fine to introduce some solids a bit early if they are ready and showing signs of wanting food (we did veggie purèes at 4 and a half months) but milk should be their main diet as cutting it down too early is linked with IBS? MIL kept pushing the solids at 3 months thing until I relayed this (DH has IBS) then she shut up.
I had a colleague telling me how she was encouraging her dil to wean her 4 month old 'as it never did me any harm'. I pointed out that current research suggests early weaning causes IBS and 'you have terrible IBS don't you hillary?!' She shut up then.

Op, i would warn your mil and husband that if they dare to peirce your daughters wars without your consent you will go to the police and she will never be left alone with your dd again.

DameMargaretofChalfont · 03/07/2020 23:23

FGS - Piercing a baby's ears in on a par with child abuse.

Grow a pair, stand up to everyone and just say NO .
As a child's mum your word is LAW. Protect your child against this fucking madness.

Posts like this genuinely make my blood boil - a child is a small human being and should never be pierced with fucking adornments!!!!

BrummyMum1 · 03/07/2020 23:25

“I appreciate your suggestions but we won’t be doing that”, then move the conversation straight on before she has a chance to say anything. I had a lot of these conversations with my MIL, it actually didn’t cause bad feeling and we get on well. Agree DH needs to support you.

scarlett0101 · 03/07/2020 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Serin · 03/07/2020 23:35

Of course she is not 'screwed', she just needs to learn to stand up for herself.
Seriously OP, what would happen if you told her to go and stuff herself?

KILNAMATRA · 03/07/2020 23:36

Just imagine the day there's one of them earrings missing and the nightmare you ll save yourself by simply saying, "no I am scared she ll choke on them as a toddler" you ll have enough to be watching if she's like my daughter who used to crunch pebbles if I wasn't watching like a hawk!! You're a great mom, it's early days don't be bossed around.

BackforGood · 03/07/2020 23:40

Sounds like you need to make sure your DH is more afraid of upsetting you than his mother.

Love this ^ Grin

Seriously though, You need to be really clear that your dd will NOT be having her ears pierced until she is old enough to make that decision / until she is 16 / until you say she can (whatever you decide) and that it isn't up for discussion.
The feeding you just repeat that the advice has changed and you will follow the most up to date research.

However, if she is this forceful, I wouldn't leave her with just your MiL any time soon, and I would be REALLY clear with dh about letting her influence him.

I'm often on here defending MiLs, but in this case you do need to stand up to her and be really clear that it is parents that make parenting decisions - she's had her turn, and now it is your turn.

BumbleBeee69 · 03/07/2020 23:40

kick her out... the insane witch Hmm

DowntonCrabby · 03/07/2020 23:44

Oh god, what a nightmare.

I hope there’s no plan for MIL to have any sole care in the future.

Your DH needs to grow a pair and together you need to come up with a very clear and firm response to any more of her crazy talk.

Ginfordinner · 03/07/2020 23:45

Why is your DH so afraid of his mum?

sadie9 · 03/07/2020 23:46

When they say these things say
'I hear what you are saying, but I'm her mother so I'll decide'.
Your MIL just wants to get a go of feeding the baby herself that's why she wants her off the breast.

Evelefteden · 03/07/2020 23:52

Sounds like you need to make sure your DH is more afraid of upsetting you than his mother

This.

I spent along time playing this dance with mil and Dh so I packed a bag and was literally walking out the door with dd when dh miraculously seemed the error of his ways.

You be careful if you let her have that baby because she will be feeding her and getting her ears pierced.

I let mil have dd when she was getting on four months ( I didn’t even want her to) when she bought dd back she smelled funny and I couldn’t understand why - untill she sneezed and a piece of spaghetti Bolognesebcane out of her nose. She’d only ever been on milk. I was so upset.

PileofToss · 03/07/2020 23:52

Actually can’t believe anyone would pierce a baby’s ears 😐 What if they grow up and don’t want piercings?!

AbsolutePleasure · 04/07/2020 00:02

"MIL, I'm determined to take you to Claire's to have your nips pierced. I've made you an appointment for Fri. Pick you up at 2!"

LEELULUMPKIN · 04/07/2020 00:10

Cultural or not piercing a babies ears is all kinds of wrong and I don't think it should even be legal.

Original poster
Sunsetred · 04/07/2020 00:13

Thank you everyone - as one poster said I feel like I have the whole of motherhood behind me now! I really like that. I feel way more confident and boosted hearing that you all agree it's madness. I feel strangely soothed by all your comments!

Now I am debating whether to show my DH this thread tomorrow morning as someone suggested. It might be too shocking for him to hear though!

OP posts:
Alexandernevermind · 04/07/2020 00:19

What is it with these mummy's boys on MN. Your baby, your rules!

Griselda1 · 04/07/2020 00:21

I don't see why you need to reason with your mum, just say no. You're the child's mother and neither of these things are happening.
Every development stage will be marked by these rows otherwise. Your dh is not fulfilling the basic role of a husband if he can't support you in this.

ColdCottage · 04/07/2020 00:21

Good luck.

I'd be fuming. Regardless of the issues they are for you and DH to talk about and decide not her.

I'm anti earrings on babies or children in general really but on a small baby where the mother doesn't want it - that's outrageous.

As for the food just bombard your husband with the science and stand firm.

You are the mother and don't let your MIL intimidate you. She has had her go at motherhood and she must have been ok for you to love her son so she might have some useful ideas but this is your child. Show her you respect her but she must also respect you and that you are the mother not her.

MadCattery · 04/07/2020 00:43

Long ago I ran a child care center. One baby came in one day with her ear actually split! She had grabbed her earring and yanked downward, splitting the lobe. Get her ears pierced when she is old enough to ask for it herself.

Horehound · 04/07/2020 00:46

Luckily you are the mother so what you say, goes.

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