Fed up with MIL

[Sunsetred]

So I'm getting a bit fed up with my MIL and DH making decisions about our baby. There's been so many things but the latest came up today and it's really annoyed me. MIL keeps insisting that we get LO's ears pierced at Claire's. She's 11 weeks and I 1. don't want to pierce her ears yet and 2. wouldn't get it done at Claire's in any event as I have heard that the guns they use there are unhygienic. When I said this to them MIL acted like I was being irrational and making things up and DH just went along with her (he's basically afraid).

Next, my MIL started going on about feeding LO solids next month (when she's 3 months old). I want to exclusively breastfeed as recommend until she is 6 months old but again I was scoffed at like I'm talking crazy. Its making me feel really undermined and like I have no control but then not sure whether I'm just over reacting?

Do not let your child alone with your mil, she totally sounds like the type that would pounce on the chance to leg it to Claire's to have her ears pierced without you knowing and then when you get upset she'll wail about "Only doing something nice and loving her granddaughter" while crying and acting the victim all while your husband dries her tears with her apron strings that are still attached to him

MIL had her chance to make decisions about rearing her children. You are responsible for making the decisions for your child.
Its crazy to suggest inflicting unnecessary pain on a baby! I would not trust somebody with that mindset around my child. She is completely out of order.

She is unlikely to be successful getting a baby’s ears pierced at Claire’s unless she is prepared to sign to say she is the child’s parent or legal guardian. If she did this I would take legal action.

I wouldn’t show the thread to your DH. However badly their mothers are behaving, most of us would feel defensive if our mothers were put up for a public slagging off by our partner. And defensive isn’t the best frame of mind to get him to listen to you.

Tell him the facts, plainly, and say that the team looking after your baby is you and him, and you are sick of feeling undermined when his mother pressurises you to go against Health advice.

Tell your MIL once, directly and clearly, what the advice is, that you will be following it, and you won’t be having the solids conversation again until your baby is 6m. Likewise you do not wish her ears to be pierced and will not be discussing it until she is 10 or 11 so the conversation has ended.
Then, if she starts again, if at her house calmly pack up and say ‘oh dear, I thought it was clear, never mind, see you in due course, and leave’. Politely and calmly.
If she is at yours say “oh dear, I did say that was the end of that conversation so that’s the end of this visit I am afraid, can I get your coat? Are you ok to see yourself out?”

Surreptitiously poking a spoonful of food at her is much more likely than piercing though, so do not leave her unsupervised.

I would mention to yourHV about the pressure you are bein put under as a new mother. That your DH and MIL are trying to coerce you into decisions that you are not happy about.

And DH needs to make a choice about who his priorities lie with. I wouldn't want to leave baby with either of them atm

I would mention to yourHV about the pressure you are bein put under as a new mother. That your DH and MIL are trying to coerce you into decisions that you are not happy about.

I think this is an excellent idea. Ideally have that conversation in your husband's presence.

I would never treat my daughter in laws like this, even when the grandchildren come to my house I will all if it's ok to give them treats, I may love them dearly but they are not my children.

Your husband needs to man up and tell his mother that she has no say in how you both bring up your child
I personally wouldn't let her see her GC until she accepted it

Your DH needs to grow a back bone.

Don’t leave your baby alone with your MIL, she’ll have her ears pierced within a minute.

Oh for goodness sake, this is your child's safety we're talking about here. Time to woman up (no running to DH needed) and tell MIL that when you want advice from her on how to bring up your kid you will ask, until then she needs to stfu!

Well it didn’t take long for people to say ‘you have a DH problem’. It’s your child too and if you have an issue with your MIL just deal with it. You don’t need to be the little simpering wife, who passes any issues to a man to deal with.

I had some of this with my ex FIL and never needed my DH to stand up to him, I did it myself. I just told him that I would do things my way - thank you. He used to use a different name for our DS, as it was a name he liked. I didn’t wait for DH to say something, I just told FIL what his name was and to use it.

I started as I meant to go on and made it very clear from the start that I am DS’s mother and will make all the decisions for him along with DH. Didn’t take FIL long to realise that he needed to keep his opinions to himself.

Your DH doesn’t end to grow a pair, you do. Just tell MIL the ear piercing and weaning is not happening. No explanation needed. Just say no and keep saying no.

I don't understand why women have a problem with telling their MIL where to get off.
Then telling their OH where to get off when he starts on.
When it comes to kids the decisions you make for them is down to you and their father, not you, their father and anyone else who wants to put their beak in.
Just tell her straight that it's not happening and it's not open for further discussion.
Then tell your OH the same.

I don't think you should ever pierce a child's ears until they themselves want to have it done - after all they might not want to! 8 I had mine done at about 11 and it was a special occasion that I remember. And solids at 3 months is madness. I wouldn't be leaving the baby alone with her ever.

I deliberately chose not to have my own ears pierced til I was 28.

I did loads of very active sports where earrings were a potential risk, until I was 15 I wasn’t much into my appearance, and by that time I had already decided that punching holes in my body to look ‘pretty’ was against my feminist principles!

Decided I did want earrings later in life.

It is a massive imposition to pierce a baby or young child’s ears.

My DD is 16 and still doesn’t have earrings-Claire’s scared to bejesus out of her when she watched one day! And to do that to a perfect baby? And yes, do not let MIL have her without you.

Do NOT let your MIL take care of your child unsupervised. You will have to be there at all times. Not DH, as he is too much of a namby pamby mummy's boy. He won't stop her when she wants to flout your rules.

Your baby, your rules. Not MIL's rules.

Ear piercings on young babies are abhorrent, and I don't care whether it is a cultural thing or not. You don't want to come back one day and discover that it has been done behind your back.

Can't stand seeing babies with pierced ears, the poor sods.

Nope absolutely not!

I would not have this at all. I don't agree with piercing babies ears anyway but each to their own, there's no way they'd be having them done in Claire's either.

Also, it's your baby; your decisions.

This is horrifying. Piercing a baby's ears should be illegal, I can't believe people are still allowed to do it. Especially at places like Claire's.
You MIL and your husband are hideously unreasonable. I think you need to make your husband absolutely clear that you are not going to be ignored and if he thinks he can ignore you he will wish he hadn't. Once he's on board it will be easier to tackle your crazy MIL as you and your husband will be singing from the same sheet. I think developing a response and using it each time would be useful. I'm sure other posters have and will suggest something better but just something like, 'We've decided not to do that', on repeat if necessary. No arguments, no persuasion, no discussions, just clear and simple, we've decided not to do that, every time. Hopefully she'll get the message. I don't envy you at all.

Would Claire’s even pierce a three month old baby’s ears? It’s a terrible idea.

Does your DH have pierced ears? Ask your MIL whether she regrets having his done as he obviously regretted it and let them grow shut.

Sorry that your DH isn’t man enough to put his child’s health first over his mothers batshit ridiculous ideas. He’s not a good father if his mum rules him like this. Show him this.

She wants to pierce the ears of an 11 week old baby. That’s absolutely obscene and abusive. Your husband needs to back you up and your mil needs to back off.

Tell her to fuck off! Its not safe to feed babies before 6 months old unless advised by a paediatrician and also it's too young to pierce ears I thought most places wouldn't till at least 6 months?

@Ilovechinese

Tell her to fuck off! Its not safe to feed babies before 6 months old unless advised by a paediatrician and also it's too young to pierce ears I thought most places wouldn't till at least 6 months?

Of course it’s safe or millions of us wouldn’t be here. It’s not advised, in ten years time that could have changed. When my son was born we were advised to start solids at three months and put them to sleep on their tummies. Nobody would do that now, yet literally millions of babies survived it.