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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is a WOULD I be unreasonable...

29 replies

Roskva · 26/09/2007 22:46

To say to dh "not until you can damn well provide for your family!!!"

We have 2 business:

we have a lot of capital sunk into businesse one, it is asset rich, and is doing well enough for me to be SAHM at the moment. But dh hates it, and has very little to do with it.

Business two, which he likes and which occupies him full time, is a cash drain, and not making enough to cover its own expenses, let alone give us anything to live on.

He wants to sell business one

Am seething - he is so bl**dy irresponsible, it's like having a spoilt teenager in the house

OP posts:
LucyJones · 26/09/2007 22:47

Is he against you being a SAHM?
maybe he wants a role reversal?

edam · 26/09/2007 22:51

YABNU. Am with you all the way on 'not until you can damn well provide...'.

Original poster
Roskva · 26/09/2007 22:52

I don't think so - I can count on my fingers how many times he has changed dd's nappy, and she's 13 months. He is old fashioned and is cool about me being a SAHM and doesn't really want me to go back to work which is a distinct possibility next year. He he hated it when I was earning more than him, because that threatened his self esteem. No, it's just the business. He lost interest in it and sees £ signs and a nicer house when he looks at it. Unfortunately that would leave us with nothing to live on.

OP posts:
mytwopenceworth · 27/09/2007 06:57

Well, what would he get for it? What would happen to the money? Would that not be enough to live on while he built up business 2..or would a cash injection turn business 2 around?

Does business 2 ever have a hope of becomming profitable?

If business 1 is not taking any of his time, why does he feel the need to get rid of it?

You could always tell him you are ok with him selling business 1 as long as all the money goes into your account and you manage it (instead of him spending it on a boat or something ) maybe taking away the prospect of frittering away the money will make him change his mind.

Original poster
Roskva · 27/09/2007 09:23

He's been working on business 2 for years, and it hs never generated regular income, and I don't see that changing. It has the potential for the occasional big payment, but not for regular income. It cuurently owes us a 5 figure for the last 18 months, which we can afford (just) because of business 1.

So if I cave in ad sell up, we can't afford to pour that kind of money into a business with few returns. I can't go back to my former career without some serious retraining, and I have a dh who moans like hell if I leave dd with him for a couple of hours, let alone full time.

Plus he is so convinced he's unemployable, I can't see him getting a 'normal' job. And right now, we're barely talking to each other.

Sorry, rant over

OP posts:
mytwopenceworth · 27/09/2007 09:39

What type of business is it?

HonoriaGlossop · 27/09/2007 09:58

Sounds like he is B monumentally U

haychee · 27/09/2007 09:59

Can you manage business one with some support from him, giving him more time to work on business 2? I ask this because you say WE have 2 businesses not HE has two businesses.

haychee · 27/09/2007 10:01

I was sahm for 5yrs and helped dh run a business btw. Wasnt easy but money was good and i was there for dc when needed.

Original poster
Roskva · 27/09/2007 20:05

I'm trying to work out how to manage business 1 with no input from him. It's not impossible if I can get 2 good part time people (I would prefer 2 part time to one full time, because it's easier to manage annual leave and sick leave). I should be possible, but I will occasionally need him to look after dd or find a childminder/nanny. Oh, and do everything on my own when he is on one of his business trips abroad (and yes, they are business trips, I am absolutely certain of that).

OP posts:
PSCMUM · 27/09/2007 20:08

YANBU at all. Kick him from here to next Tuesday. Really hard. Men are such bloody babieS!!!!!

haychee · 27/09/2007 20:21

roskva

noone said life was going to be easy. Is it a realistic option?

Original poster
Roskva · 27/09/2007 20:23

business 1 is a hotel. business 2 is a business consultancy. If I work with him on business 2 it will come to bloodshed, because I disagree with how he runs it. And I know from bitter experience that he can't separate business from personal between us (I can).

OP posts:
haychee · 27/09/2007 20:27

Do you have family or good friends nearby to help with the childcare now and then?

Original poster
Roskva · 27/09/2007 20:30

haychee, it's realistic and I'm actively trying to get my head round working out how to do it. It would be easier if he were more co-operative about taking responsibility for looking after dd every now and then without acting like I'm imposing seriously on his valuable time. If he's looking after her, he would never say to someone "I'm in a meeting, can I call you back?" - he'll dump her in her play pen and ignore her. But like you say, life isn't meant to be easy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roskva · 27/09/2007 20:32

both families live miles away. Mine turn up and help out with dd and business 1 fairly frequently. his can't do that for various valid reasons.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roskva · 27/09/2007 20:33

I have a couple of friends who babysit for me occasionally, although one of them runs a business and has limited time.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 27/09/2007 20:42

Blimey, I'm glad my partner isn't like that .

I think you need to put together a nifty little presentation with a compelling storyline showing just how dramatically your standard of living will drop, immediately and in the future, if your DP's favoured scenario is chosen... and just how comfortable your life will be if he stops faffing around with his so-called consultancy and focuses on your core cash generating business

haychee · 27/09/2007 20:47

My dh sounds similar to yours. He hates it now im working, he loves the money though. But its always a drama when he has to watch dc. Unfortunately (here comes the irony) he wants me to work full time until after xmas which i struggle with physically and mentally. Managing the childcare is apparently my responsibility! As a result he ends up having to watch the kids most evenings after he has been at work and he hates it!! He also gets the weekend watches too. Its the only way i can fit in the hours he/we needs me to do.

How old is your lo? Mine are 4&7, so at school most of the day, haf term coming and i have no childcare in place as yet. My friends are in similar situations and so it suits a couple of them for me to watch theirs and they watch mine in return.

Another friend of mine has an aupair. I guess she could double up as one of your part time hotel workers somehow and be an extra pair of hands for you? I think from what my friend says, you pretty much set out your own contract with an aupair and most do housework and childcare for the one price. Possibly consider paying her more for any extra she does in the hotel. Aupairs dont earn much as their lodging is provided etc, and i know two who work during school hours, cleaning and ironing services mostly and of course babysitting.

Original poster
Roskva · 27/09/2007 20:56

Anna, I've lost count how many times I've done that. My bookkeeper has done it for me, too, with a nice little spreadsheet (she also does his books), and has threatened to bludgeon him with his blackberry .

Haychee, dd is only 13 months and I think too young for an au pair, yet. you have to go back full time - that must be really tough.

I'm feeling like a single mum with a toddler and a particularly bolshy teenager atm, grrrrr

OP posts:
haychee · 27/09/2007 21:08

Aupair wouldnt be that bad you know.
You could hire her to live in and be domestic servent type employee. You must need alot of laundry and kitchen work done in hotel and at home? She can then also, as she lives in, be on hand for some childcare now and then??

Anna8888 · 28/09/2007 08:26

Roskva - oh dear... hard to know what to suggest in the circumstances . Relate?

Original poster
Roskva · 28/09/2007 09:09

I'm livid - I'm working tomorrow to cover someone's annual leave. I've just found out dh offered one of our receptionists double pay to work instead of me, so he doesn't have to look after dd

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 28/09/2007 09:21

That's loopy. Surely it would be cheaper to hire a babysitter while you work than to pay the receptionist double?

Original poster
Roskva · 28/09/2007 09:22

He would have to engage his brain to find a babysitter. Not sure he has one, grrrrrr

OP posts:
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