To think at 31 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

[Halfwayto50]

My lovely friend has recently started ttc she’s worried she’s too old and she’s going to struggle with her pregnancy due to her age. I’ve reassured her best as I can I personally had my two children at 21 and 23 so I personally don’t know what it will be like for her.

I'm 36. I thought we'd take ages to get pregnant. First month trying. Ignore all that bollocks you read in the media about biological clocks ticking down.

I had my first when I was 32 & my second at 36. I would say I did notice quite a difference in fatigue when pregnant with my second & initially I just assumed it was because I was slightly older the second time round. But actually, it’s probably because I was running around after a very active toddler!

Can I say this again?
Before birth control women had children until they couldn't our bodies are built for that & the advantage we have is that we are in better health better nutrition & we only have a few babies instead of endless number & we choose (for the most part) when we want to have them.
At 31 she is in her prime {grin] & she can certainly have quite a few dc if she chooses
Is this reverse?

& my grandma had a sister who was 20 years younger (Edwardian days) not infrequent in those days great grandma was nearly 90 when she died & in good health until just before (several dc in between)

I’m 20 years old and deffo on the younger side (haha) of being a FTM, the women I’ve met so far have been between 15-50 years old. She’s right in the middle! :)

I would also say she’s on the younger side these days.

In my kids class she would be one of the youngest mums if not the youngest

I was 34 and 38 - however i had a friend who started having ivf at 28, it took her many rounds until she had her first at 42

That's a ridiculous thing to worry about! I've had three children since I turned 35 (40 now) and I genuinely am fitter now than I was in my 20s. I'm not the oldest mum in my group of friends either. 31 is quite young these days!

Haha haha. I’d be more worried about being a bit simple.

None of my friends had children before 30. It’s very common to be over 30 for many women with careers who have completed long degrees and then established themselves in competitive fields. I’m very surprised that your friend knows nobody in this position.

I had my first at 35 and last at 43. So not too old! I'm not even much older than most mums I know either. The youngest I know in my city are over 30.

My mum was 43 when she had me too.

I had my two at 34 and 36. I was on the younger side in baby groups and at school with the elder of my two children, and even at 36, I was squarely average.

Aside from a school friend who had an oops baby at 18, my youngest friends to have a child were 28, and my eldest was 48, with 33-38 being the usual age to have your first child.

I had my 2 at 19 and 26, I've always them that I think the perfect age to have a baby is at least 30!!

Immediately without reading one comment thought - your friend sounds like she may just be insecure & fishing for compliments & reassurance. I would find her behaviour really annoying & intolerable to think “women over 30” have a use by date & should be put back on the shelf, so to speak

She surely knows by just googling this that people don’t even warn risks until after 35 & even then plenty of women have children after 35 too.

The only way I could deal with this type of person is to be able to joke about it - anybody who whinges about being “too old” at age 30 could do with critical thinking skills to challenge what society says about women & what age we’re allowed to be before considered an old hag/spinster

If my friend actually needed mollycoddling & soothing because she is 30 trying for a baby & fears being old so much she is repeatedly whining about that - then we would no longer be fiends. I couldn’t put up with such ignorant views which she seemingly can challenge in her own mind, by using google & taking an actual look at the world around her.

YANBU OP and well done for not rising to the barely concealed snobbery: 'not in my circles' 'not in my spheres'

I reckon even Lady Diana, yes a Spencer would have been sneered at on here if MN was thing in her time.

I was 27 and 29 when I had mine. 31 is an average age! No need for her to be worried

I was 40. Your friend is not too old.

Not being a dneery as per pp above, but I really don't think it varies by area, it surely varies by affluence/education. Are there really geographical areas where the majority of university educated women are having babies in their early twenties?

I'm 42 and 15 weeks pregnant. She's literally got years left.

Is this fucking real?

I had my first at 28, most of my friends in their 30s haven't had children.
People seem to be leaving it later and later.
Some of my friends act a lot younger than they are though, maybe that's how it is more these days.

Tbf, I think there is pressure once you turn 30 and even though common sense says it’s fine, when you have friends who had their kids in their 20’s and you go for a smear test and the nurse prompts you to start thinking about children and tells you that fertility drops off a cliff at 30 and you can feel that you get tired quicker these days than you used to... I see why she has some concerns, and they shouldn’t be belittled. Just focus on reminding her that most people do wait to start these days and she’ll be absolutely fine.

That’s lovely news congratulations.

@passthemustard

I'm 42 and 15 weeks pregnant. She's literally got years left.

Congratulations to you on your pregnancy

I was 32, admittedly I was the oldest on the post natal Ward, but I’m hardly Zimmer frame territory.