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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend is going on night out tomorrow

80 replies

DunDunDunnnn · 03/07/2020 16:02

Hi,
Boyfriend is going out with his mates for the pubs reopening.
AIBU to feel off about this.
He sometimes comes to sit in my family's garden.
I have 2 little sisters (8 and 9) and a father with asthma and both parents overweigjt (I only say this because some say coronavirus is worse if you're overweight).

I've told him if he goes out I wouldnt be comfortable him coming over for 2 weeks, but he says i'm mothering him and that all his other mates are going out and that we can still socially distance when we see each other so it's fine.

But i'm not too sure

OP posts:
vanillandhoney · 03/07/2020 16:03

You can't stop him. He's a grown adult and it will be perfectly legal for him to go out for a drink tomorrow night.

If you don't like it, that's fine, but don't expect him to agree with you.

DramaLlamaMeditation · 03/07/2020 16:03

He wants to socially distance from his girlfriend for two weeks so that he can go to the pub?!

Original poster
DunDunDunnnn · 03/07/2020 16:04

I'm not stopping him but i've told him I'm not sure if i'll be comfortable him coming over to sit in the garden for a couple of weeks due to how busy it will be

OP posts:
gamerchick · 03/07/2020 16:06

You can't stop him but you're within your rights not to see him for 2 weeks afterwards. If he carries on then you'll know what's more important.

Personally I think going on the early doors is a bit of a daft thing to do. Let the new way of going to the pub become practised and established first.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 03/07/2020 16:07

If he keeps his distance I don't see the problem really?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 03/07/2020 16:07

If you are two separate households, shouldn't you have been social distancing for most of lockdown?

Sparklesocks · 03/07/2020 16:08

I understand your reluctance OP. I know it’s legal and fine now but groups of people drinking are unlikely to social distance after a few shandies. Especially as they’re now saying pubs can open from 6am??

Original poster
DunDunDunnnn · 03/07/2020 16:09

That's one thing I don't get in terms of rules- he can drink with his mates but he's not allowed in my house, doesnt make sense

OP posts:
starrynight87 · 03/07/2020 16:09

I can understand how you feel, I wouldn't like it.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 03/07/2020 16:10

He is allowed in your house from tomorrow Confused one household at a time can meet at each others houses and stay overnight.

Original poster
DunDunDunnnn · 03/07/2020 16:10

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion we have been socially distancing. I said in my OP he sits in my garden

OP posts:
Original poster
DunDunDunnnn · 03/07/2020 16:11

@Igotthemheavyboobs ah really? I must have misinterpreted, I thought it was only for people who live alone

OP posts:
Popc0rn · 03/07/2020 16:14

If you are socially distancing from him then I'd say it's fine.

How old are you both and how long have you been together?

annabel85 · 03/07/2020 16:15

Dump him

annabel85 · 03/07/2020 16:17

@DunDunDunnnn

I'm not stopping him but i've told him I'm not sure if i'll be comfortable him coming over to sit in the garden for a couple of weeks due to how busy it will be
If he goes to the pub this week with his mates he'll be going next week and the week after too probably.

Get used to not seeing him.

kittykarate · 03/07/2020 16:22

So.. are all the other people he's going out on a night out with part of the same household? The guidance is that only 2 households can meet indoors in a pub, up to a maximum of 6 people..

"Indoor gatherings should only be occurring in groups of up to 2 households (including support bubbles) while outdoor gatherings should only be occurring in groups of up to 2 households (or support bubbles), or a group of at most 6 people from any number of households."

A lot of people have gone "Wahey! Pubs are open, let's have a big gang sesh' , but that isn't what the guidance says.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 03/07/2020 16:25

@kittykarate

So.. are all the other people he's going out on a night out with part of the same household? The guidance is that only 2 households can meet indoors in a pub, up to a maximum of 6 people..

"Indoor gatherings should only be occurring in groups of up to 2 households (including support bubbles) while outdoor gatherings should only be occurring in groups of up to 2 households (or support bubbles), or a group of at most 6 people from any number of households."

A lot of people have gone "Wahey! Pubs are open, let's have a big gang sesh' , but that isn't what the guidance says.

Up to a max of 6 people from any number of households.
pigeon999 · 03/07/2020 16:35

OP you get to choose your risk, not your boyfriend.

If you feel his behaviour is risky, or is likely to be then you have a problem, because I doubt he will stop going out. It is unlikely to be his one and only night at the pub.

So you have to weigh up the risk and decide if he is worth it. It will be people like him for sure that will catch up covid, and what that means for you and your family is definitely worth thinking about now.

Gogogadgetarms · 03/07/2020 16:36

I've told him if he goes out I wouldnt be comfortable him coming over for 2 weeks
YANBU to have this position.
However you need to be prepared for the fact that he may go out to the pub every weekend, in which case it will be a long time before you see him again.

If you are social distancing from him (without exception) then in theory there is no increased risk.

The risk only increases as his exposure increases if he has a chance to pass the virus to you. At a distance of 2 meters outside that risk is small.

Beebeet · 03/07/2020 16:36

I can see why you feel the way you do, but I do t think it's too wild that he wants to see his mates at the pub either, it's a slice of (sort of) normality. Has he seen his friends much during lockdown? It wouldn't be unreasonable to maintain social distancing if he goes though, rather than see him indoors as will be permitted if you're more comfortable with that.

JammyHands · 03/07/2020 16:37

I don't blame you, OP. I don't believe for a minute that people are going to bother to distance once they've had a couple of pints, even if they started off doing it.

Rosebel · 03/07/2020 16:38

Do you think anyone will pay attention to the guidelines?
OP, is this going to be a regular thing! If he's prioritising drinking with his friends over you then that tells you everything you need to know.

NellieandRufus · 03/07/2020 16:38

I think yabu. When will you think it's acceptable for him to go out?

If you choose not to have him over then that's your call, but if you're practising social distancing and remaining outdoors then I don't really see the issue.

I can understand if you didn't want him in the house (which is allowed from tomorrow) after spending time at the pub nut that's obviously not what you're saying.

Bluetonic41 · 03/07/2020 16:41

He shouldn't have to curb his social life just because your parents are overweight, distancing from him for 2 weeks seems pointless as surely he will go out in those 2 weeks or again straight after this 2 weeks are up, its never ending really

Purpleartichoke · 03/07/2020 16:44

Our restrictions eased a few weeks ago. We aren’t seeing family who took that as an opportunity to act like life could go back to normal.