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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend is going on night out tomorrow

80 replies

DunDunDunnnn · 03/07/2020 16:02

Hi,
Boyfriend is going out with his mates for the pubs reopening.
AIBU to feel off about this.
He sometimes comes to sit in my family's garden.
I have 2 little sisters (8 and 9) and a father with asthma and both parents overweigjt (I only say this because some say coronavirus is worse if you're overweight).

I've told him if he goes out I wouldnt be comfortable him coming over for 2 weeks, but he says i'm mothering him and that all his other mates are going out and that we can still socially distance when we see each other so it's fine.

But i'm not too sure

OP posts:
thedancingbear · 03/07/2020 16:46

FFS. I normally hate this argument. But if the OP had come on here and said 'I want to go out with my girlfriends on Saturday, but my BF is refusing to see me for a fortnight if I do' then the narrative would be controlling, red flags, LTB etc.

Absolutely nuts.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 03/07/2020 16:49

If he's socially distancing anyway why can he not see you for 2 weeks?

TheSoapyFrog · 03/07/2020 16:49

I do think you're being unreasonable. Personally I've been looking forward to going to the pub for ages and would still go if I were him.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/07/2020 16:50

He’s unlikely to just stay in after one pub visit so I think you won’t be seeing him for several lots of 2 weeks.

Why can’t your vulnerable (?) family stay indoors when he visits if you’re that worried about it

WorraLiberty · 03/07/2020 16:52

What possible harm could any of your family come to, sitting in the garden and keeping well away from him? Confused

A little perspective is needed here OP.

BenWyatt · 03/07/2020 16:56

You don’t have to see him at all if you’re not comfortable. Corona or no corona.

PilatesPeach · 03/07/2020 16:58

I do think this is a difficult situation. My partner is in his 60s - we don't live together but I want to get back to the things I enjoy like the cinema, the gym, maybe a coffee out or a meal out and he keeps saying (threatening) to not see me if I do as he has high BP and is in his words "vulnerable".

I am sure it is the same for many couples who disagree on what is reasonable once things start opening up and whilst I understand your pov OP, it is also understandable that a bloke would likely want a few drinks out with his mates after over 3 months of pubs being closed.
We are all different in what we want to do and what we have missed.

If he is in your garden only, the risks are minimal. If he is in your bubble or from tomorrow is able to enter your house as the second household then that is your decision but he is an adult as pp say and so are you. Post lockdown behaviour is something that 2 grown ups might reasonably disagree on imo.

kittykarate · 03/07/2020 16:59

Igotthemheavyboobs
Up to a max of 6 people from any number of households.

That's only outdoors. Hope they get some beer garden weather then...

Original poster
DunDunDunnnn · 03/07/2020 17:00

@thedancingbear why is it there is always someone on mumsnet who jumps on the "you're controlling" bandwagon on threads Hmm

Thanks for all your comments everyone,
Maybe I am overthinking it; I just wanted to ensure i'm not putting my dad with asthma at any more risk if boyfriend was to continue sitting in the garden after a night out tomorrow,
Thanks once again Smile

OP posts:
Humberbear · 03/07/2020 17:00

All the pubs near me that are opening have rules. You have to book first, only 6 at table, no standing around or at the bar. Tables are well spaced out.
You can't just turn up so pub crawls won't be happening.

kittykarate · 03/07/2020 17:00

I feel really sorry for bar staff tomorrow - they are going to have to try and keep control of a situation that is never going to end well, when people are not following the guidance.

Original poster
DunDunDunnnn · 03/07/2020 17:01

Also we are 22 and been together a year and a half

OP posts:
SanFrancisco49er · 03/07/2020 17:01

If he really only sits in your garden and keeps his distance when he comes over, what's the problem?
I can't believe people are saying if he goes, it shows his priorities. Sure, none of us know what people will really do tmrw but it's absolutely his choice to see his mates after months of lockdown.
I can't see from what you've said how it might affect your family at all, if all he does is sit in your garden, away from you all!

Lockdownsucks · 03/07/2020 17:05

Schools are going back fulltime in august, if its ok for the schools to go back then to me, lifes going back to normal, let him enjoy a few pints with his mated for christ sake

Ragwort · 03/07/2020 17:05

If you feel it's too risky to see him then don't see him, I think you are being over cautious but that's just my opinion.

Many of us are going to work, getting on with our lives etc. You could meet someone in the supermarket who might pass on the virus. Are you going to work yourself?

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 03/07/2020 17:12

If you socially distance in your garden and will be continuing to do that I think you’re massively overreacting to him going out.

SunshineCake · 03/07/2020 17:16

You said you weren't sure if you were comfortable. That is wet. Either you are sure you are uncomfortable or you aren't. Both of you need to say what you feel then each can make a decision.

SunshineCake · 03/07/2020 17:19

@PilatesPeach

I do think this is a difficult situation. My partner is in his 60s - we don't live together but I want to get back to the things I enjoy like the cinema, the gym, maybe a coffee out or a meal out and he keeps saying (threatening) to not see me if I do as he has high BP and is in his words "vulnerable". I am sure it is the same for many couples who disagree on what is reasonable once things start opening up and whilst I understand your pov OP, it is also understandable that a bloke would likely want a few drinks out with his mates after over 3 months of pubs being closed. We are all different in what we want to do and what we have missed.

If he is in your garden only, the risks are minimal. If he is in your bubble or from tomorrow is able to enter your house as the second household then that is your decision but he is an adult as pp say and so are you. Post lockdown behaviour is something that 2 grown ups might reasonably disagree on imo.

Why stay with someone who threatens you? He thinks he's such a catch he is worth you doing nothing you enjoy ?
vanillandhoney · 03/07/2020 17:19

If you're not comfortable, you're not comfortable - but don't make him choose. You won't win and you'll just end up feeling angry and resentful.

SunshineCake · 03/07/2020 17:20

@Lockdownsucks

Schools are going back fulltime in august, if its ok for the schools to go back then to me, lifes going back to normal, let him enjoy a few pints with his mated for christ sake
Life is a long way from going back to normal.

Children are less at risk, that is why they are slowly restarting school.

jessstan2 · 03/07/2020 17:21

DunDunDunnn: I'm not sure if i'll be comfortable him coming over to sit in the garden for a couple of weeks due to how busy it will be
...
I very much doubt he'd want to sit in a busy garden for two weeks, who would?

He can sit in your garden as long as everyone keeps their distance.

pigeon999 · 03/07/2020 17:22

The issue isn't really that your dad will catch up sitting in the garden with your boyfriend, the most likely scenario will be that you catch covid from your boyfriend (kissing etc) and pass it on to your father, as you all live in the same house.

For you to keep your parents perfectly safe you would have to stop kissing or going out with anyone that has a social life until a vaccine is found. So whilst I understand your wish to protect your family, you may have to be more careful for a longer period than you would like.

IdblowJonSnow · 03/07/2020 17:24

I've heard that in most cases symptoms present in first five days- although do check this please - so as a compromise you could wait til then? Or a week? If u only meet up outside w eacother it's pretty low risk anyway?
How old are you both just out of interest?
I can see why you're concerned and I can see why he wants to go out and meet his friends!
It's legal now which is going to change people's attitudes somewhat...

BBCONEANDTWO · 03/07/2020 17:25

@annabel85 OMG I spat out my tea then. Those 2 words just made me LOL. Thanks for cheering me up.

LockdownLump · 03/07/2020 17:28

Yabu. You can't stop a 22yo from going to the pub with their mates.

It's your prerogative not to see him.

Could you ask your dad not to sit in the garden when your boyfriend is about?

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