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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend is going on night out tomorrow

80 replies

DunDunDunnnn · 03/07/2020 16:02

Hi,
Boyfriend is going out with his mates for the pubs reopening.
AIBU to feel off about this.
He sometimes comes to sit in my family's garden.
I have 2 little sisters (8 and 9) and a father with asthma and both parents overweigjt (I only say this because some say coronavirus is worse if you're overweight).

I've told him if he goes out I wouldnt be comfortable him coming over for 2 weeks, but he says i'm mothering him and that all his other mates are going out and that we can still socially distance when we see each other so it's fine.

But i'm not too sure

OP posts:
saraclara · 03/07/2020 17:33

He's absolutely fine to be sitting in your garden! He can't not have a life. Even if your parents were officially shielding (which it doesn't sound like they are) they would still be at no risk from him sitting in your garden.

Lurkingforawhile · 03/07/2020 17:37

I understand your concern, you don't want to feel.like you might make your family ill. But outside, socially distanced, really is low risk and sounds like a good compromise (as he would now be allowed inside your house as of tomorrow). Good luck.

GabsAlot · 03/07/2020 17:37

i get what youre saying op if he stays in the garden it should be ok

i also dont think he realises he cant just stroll in the pub like nothings happened-most are sayng bookings only and u cant hang round the bar-it would be wise to see how things play out for a while personally

WorraLiberty · 03/07/2020 17:40

I really feel like I'm missing something here OP Confused

I mean surely your dad doesn't sit in the garden all day, every day?

Why wouldn't you just choose a time when he isn't, for your BF to visit?

justasking111 · 03/07/2020 17:41

If he works, you work, your parents work, your siblings have been to school you are all mixing with people daily, him sitting in your garden seems safe to me.

Confusedbutheyho · 03/07/2020 18:01

He is likely very excited to go out after a long lockdown, honestly you should understand it and accept to socially distance for 2 weeks.

Ragwort · 03/07/2020 18:08

Pilates I am over 60 with high BP, it hadn't dawned on me that I should be isolating ? I've been out and about volunteering with very vulnerable people the whole time and now back at work.

People have to decide on their own levels of risk, I am not putting my life on hold, neither have my aged 85+ parents.

Mornington3303 · 03/07/2020 18:17

Given the father with asthma, your concern is reasonable.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 03/07/2020 18:18

He wants to go out. He’s an adult and making his own decision.
You don’t want to see him for two weeks if he does in order to protect your family. You’re an adult and making your own decision.
Two weeks isn’t a long time to not else each other m. Especially if you’ve only been seeing him in the garden from 2m away for the last 3 months.

feelingverylazytoday · 03/07/2020 18:23

@Mornington3303

Given the father with asthma, your concern is reasonable.
I don't think asthma is a particular risk factor for coronavirus, unless the person is on specific medications for it.
Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/07/2020 18:50

YANBU to worry - there are a lot of folk having the same argument.

gamerchick · 03/07/2020 19:06

Schools are going back fulltime in august

They are?

Lockdownsucks · 03/07/2020 19:07

@SunshineCake slowly restarting school? Sending them in fulltime isnt slowly restarting lol.

Its going back to normal as soon as the summer holidays are over

MrsGrindah · 03/07/2020 19:11

You are being silly. You can’t control this forever. At some point everyone is going to have to increase their risk. You do sound as if you are telling off a naughty boy. As long as he sticks to the guidelines he’s not doing anything wrong.

annabel85 · 03/07/2020 19:19

@Humberbear

All the pubs near me that are opening have rules. You have to book first, only 6 at table, no standing around or at the bar. Tables are well spaced out. You can't just turn up so pub crawls won't be happening.
The virus still spreads indoors. Social distancing isn't a miracle prevention but SD is not going to happen after a few pints. Then you've got everyone in the pub using the toilet.

He's risking the virus which is his choice. It's your choice then.

Lurkingforawhile · 03/07/2020 19:26

@feelingverylazytoday Asthma is a risk factor - if you have moderate asthma you are in the higher risk group, and if you have severe or not well controlled asthma you are most likely to be in the shielding group. Nearly everyone with asthma does have medication of some type, even if just a reliever inhaler (blue one)

SunshineCake · 03/07/2020 19:27

[quote Lockdownsucks]@SunshineCake slowly restarting school? Sending them in fulltime isnt slowly restarting lol.

Its going back to normal as soon as the summer holidays are over[/quote]
Slowly as in mine has started to go back one day a week. That's slowly.

Lol Hmm

BestOption · 03/07/2020 20:21

You are 22?
I'm very impressed that you're being so sensible!!

It's annoying, because if he was being more careful he could come in the house & stay over (if you'd want that) but if he's mixing with others, that's not a good idea.

I think it's safe enough for him to come & sit in the garden if you check the 2m (most people have NO idea what 2m looks like 🙄)
& no getting up close & personal and it'll be safe enough.

But this is YOUR decision & if YOU aren't happy -he stays away until you are!

& if YOU would like him to stay over (and your parents are ok with that) then he HAS to abide by your 'rules' so he chooses between staying over & going out with mates etc.

It's not easy. We chose to lockdown separately as DP has a son who moves between his mum & dads and he's at school and his mum hasn't stayed home at all, I'm over 50 with diabetes & wouldn't take that level of risk. It's been kind of ok, but now so many people can do so many things it's getting harder to tell him he can't come here.

We didn't even try meeting for walks or garden chats because I know I wouldn't be able to not hug & kiss him.

MrsGrindah · 03/07/2020 20:26

@BestOption So the boyfriend cant make is own choices then? He doesn’t need to abide by HER rules at all. It’s not his rules vs hers but a sensible conversation between two adults about what they both feel safe with. And you are being very patronising by praising a 22 year old for being sensible.

BestOption · 03/07/2020 20:28

@MrsGrindah

You are being silly. You can’t control this forever. At some point everyone is going to have to increase their risk. You do sound as if you are telling off a naughty boy. As long as he sticks to the guidelines he’s not doing anything wrong.
She's NOT being silly. How rude!

She might not be able to protect her Dad forever, but she CAN do what she can, for as long as she can, if she wants to

Maybe she will, maybe she won't, have to take more risk in the future, but that's completely irrelevant to how much risk she has to take now.

She's NOT 'telling him off' she simply saying it's up to him, but if he chooses to go & take the risk, she wants to wait a while before seeing him

'Sticking to the guidelines' 🙄🙄. Pubs opening is for the economy, NOT health. There are health risks to it, she doesn't have to take those risks if she doesn't want to!

MrsGrindah · 03/07/2020 20:33

Jesus Christ calling someone silly isn’t rude! I’m not saying OP has to take any risks at all. Read my post again. I’m saying they should have a conversation about what they both deem safe.

BestOption · 03/07/2020 21:55

[quote MrsGrindah]@BestOption So the boyfriend cant make is own choices then? He doesn’t need to abide by HER rules at all. It’s not his rules vs hers but a sensible conversation between two adults about what they both feel safe with. And you are being very patronising by praising a 22 year old for being sensible.[/quote]
Don't be ridiculous. Of course he can make his own choices. But so can she and if she doesn't want him in her garden for a fortnight, if he goes out to the pub with his mates, she's entitled to say so!

No, I'm not being patronising at all. I just think it's admirable to care more about her Dad & his safety than seeing her boyfriend.

BestOption · 03/07/2020 21:58

@MrsGrindah

Jesus Christ calling someone silly isn’t rude! I’m not saying OP has to take any risks at all. Read my post again. I’m saying they should have a conversation about what they both deem safe.
You are being silly. You can’t control this forever. At some point everyone is going to have to increase their risk. You do sound as if you are telling off a naughty boy. As long as he sticks to the guidelines he’s not doing anything wrong

No you didn't.

mrsbyers · 03/07/2020 22:27

Just go and meet him somewhere else ?

user1471510720 · 03/07/2020 22:37

Ahhh what is it with people. The whole social distancing is bull. The Scientists know it, the Dr’s know it, the Government knows It but still it’s all pretend, pretence and rules. My advice Op do what you want but pubs , social distancing etc etc it’s all fantasy now and can be totally ignored but each to their own.