How to put this politely??

[mydilemma123]

NC for this and also just thought I should say - if you're the type to get pearl clutch-y and indignant about social distancing please don't bother commenting because it's not what I'm here to ask about.

I have a history of anxiety and depression (not expecting for this it's just the way it is). Always struggled in large groups and, having spent 4 months with just my household, I'm finding it difficult re-adjusting to the prospect of being around lots of people.

I have a DBest Friend who I socialise with as part of a wider group. Arranged to meet DBF, who I haven't seen in ages, earlier this week for a socially distanced drink in our city centre (lots of pubs doing takeaway pints and cocktails etc, wide open bench spaces). "Ooh, what a good idea," says DBF, "I'll mention it to [rest of the group]." I really don't like this idea - I'm not saying I don't want to see them all again soon but I've had a rough week and right now it's baby steps back to normality. I was quite looking forward to seeing DBF one on one tbh and just having a chilled day. But I keep quiet.

Cometh the day. Turns out to be about 5 of them meeting in town. All a bit much for me so make an excuse about work and don't come. DBF texts me later "such a shame I didn't catch you today shall we do something later in the week?". OK cool, all arranged for more takeaway drinks today. DBF texts late last night "Btw I've mentioned it to X, Y, Z and they're all looking forward to seeing you ".

I don't know what to do. WIBU to cancel again? How do I explain to DBF I don't want to see all these people right now? Do I need to just crack on and get on with it?

[historian42]

I have the same problems as you so sympathise. Ive had family in the garden as per the rules and chatted with neighbours over the fence and there anxiety part of me would rather it would stay like that forever, but of course it cant! I have explained to my family if I feel uncomfortable - when I start to feel anxious I appear rude and snappy, so Ive just been honest and told them. There is no use in pushing yourself into something you dont want, as it will set you back. The other posters are right, if it is your DBF then they should understand. You could also try speaking to some of the others and see if they would like a 1-on-1 if that would work, and then they dont feel like you are avoiding them so saves arguments?

[Quarantimespringclean]

Just tell her. A friend of mine recently invited 4 of us over for a socially distanced drink in her garden tomorrow. All but 1 of the 4 invitees declined because we don’t want to socialise in groups at the moment. She immediately rearranged the date for 2 weeks time (infection rates permitting) and is just seeing the one friend later today.

She obviously doesn’t have the same concerns that some of us do but was are her mates and she accepted that we have different attitudes to risk at the moment.

[Roasties89]

It's horrible isn't it. I'm not particularly anxious but I have got quite bad in lockdown and also have had to cancel plans today as my friend was going to bring her dad along to our catch up. The thought of having to control my child Infront of her dad and go for food (I only wanted a walk) was difficult. So I said something had come up.

The thing is in life. You need to do what's right for you. I'd open up to your friend today I'd possible about how you feel. Explain you really need some one on one. Believe me you won't be alone! Many of us have become wrecks because of lockdown let alone if you suffer from anxiety in general. I don't like big groups of people. I find it draining. That's just who I am.

Don't panic. Just sort it now. Don't put it off. A message or call. Tell her how you feel. X

[Krong]

It's far more polite to just be honest, than to keep instigating meet ups and then dropping out!

Just tell her, its perfectly reasonable.

[FinallyHere]

Just tell her your prefer to meet 121, no need to say why

the trouble with not telling her that you prefer to meet 121 is that she might now be seeing you as someone who doesn't turn up, so it now makes sense for her to make up a group.

[Leflic]

It’s not impolite to say you just fancy a one to one!

Massively overthinking it.

My friend said the same last week. It’s no biggy. If she wants a big group she can still do that can’t she, just without you.