AIBU to be sad work didn't get me a gift for new baby?

[Jennyrob669]

Ok so I know in the grand scheme of things this doesn't really matter, but I still feel sad about it.

I've worked with my colleagues for 12 years and have always contributed to staff collections. I received gifts myself for turning 30, marriage and 1st baby. I had my second baby 10 months ago and all I got was an 89p card that not even all the staff signed. I thought I'd receive a gift too, but nothing. It was like zero effort went into it.

I know I shouldn't expect anything, but this happened 10 months ago and I still think about it. I dont know why it bothers me so much! I question if my work friends are actually my friends. Only 1 came to visit me and new baby and they don't really text unless I text them first. I always thought I had a good relationship with everyone, but it seems since I dropped to part time hours, I'm not in the inner circle anymore.

And actually even with my normal friends, I was the only one who gave my friend a present for her second baby. But I also think my friends are quite tight.

OP - I was amazed by how many people were excited, gave me gifts and cards, came to visit me when I had my first DC. It blew my mind. People I hadn't seen for years sending me generous gifts and wanting to meet the baby. I was equally amazed to how little people cared when I had my second!! Even close friends and relatives didn't seem bothered, didn't even send a card. I realised that when you first become a mother people make a fuss of you. By the time you have your second people are no longer interested.

I worked in a place for 2 years, contributed to every collection. When I left, nobody even said goodbye or good luck in the new post. Nothing. Nobody noticed.

I wasn't bothered though, saved me a fortune in contributions moving jobs to a smaller place.

My work don't do collections for anyone unless they're leaving. Marriages, houses and babies all go unacknowledged

I had my first baby 3 weeks ago and I haven't even heard from my boss or colleagues since before lockdown so fuck'em 😂

I worked for a company for nearly 7 years, every collection for new baby, engagement, leaving do, retirement etc. I paid into.
For 7 years I never got a thing as I never had a “moment”.
When I worked it out (and you’ll see why I was bitter enough to work it out!) I spent around £700 over my time there on collections.
We got a new boss whilst I was working out my notice period. He banned collections and leaving dos. I walked out and handed in my office keys on my last day.
Didn’t even get a card from my co-workers in case they got in trouble.
It hurt so much. It’s been a year and I’m not over it.

£700! That's shocking.

They really add up. I don't mind the genuine no pressure ones with a single email, drop money anonymously into envelope and sign the card type things, but most involve repeated "reminders" and social pressure.

Why not just buy a gift for a work colleague if you're so inclined, and leave the rest of us alone?

specially your follow up saying you’ll make sure in future teams that everything is marked - including new homes and engagements? Seriously?! I’d be quite uncomfortable in a team where someone was constantly pushing that. If a colleague gets engaged, I’d rather give a natural excited congratulations, take a look at the ring - and that’s that. I would appreciate that in return far more than I would a card that wasn’t most people’s choice. A spoken, “how lovely!” with a genuine smile means more to me than a group card. As for buying a new house? Yay! Let’s celebrate someone being in a fortunate financial position. Where does it end?

This ^

It is important to remember that people work in very different places too.
I, for example, can't begin to imagine contributing £700 over 7 years in any of my workplaces. We all put in a tenner at the start of the year (though it is suggested you do it pro rata if you work PT) and if, as a Team, it is felt we'd like to send flowers to someone, it comes out of that. But they don't get sent for every life event. So it is quite unusual for it to run out before the next year.

My workplace only does a gift if someone leaves. It wouldn’t be acceptable to do gifts for birthdays, engagements, weddings, babies, new houses, etc, at all. Far too time-consuming, money-grabbing, intrusive, discriminatory, insensitive, etc. By all means, the one celebrating could bring a cake into the office to share, but they wouldn’t receive anything. A card would be sent for new babies only. No cards for anything else.

I will get flamed for this but I forbade such collections when I was a manager. I consider them a racket and unfair on lower paid members of staff who may not wish to contribute, but are afraid to seem mean. I also believe it unfair that some people get gifted for "life events" such as engagements, weddings, babies etc yet others (who have contributed) get nothing.

So I forbade any semblance of someone hawking around the staff putting moral pressure on people to contribute to events which had been someone else's choice. I believe such collections should be kept for exceptional circumstances (eg serious illness, hospitalization, etc) to show your concern for something that was not a "choice" but an unforeseen event.

Of course I could not prevent people buying individual gifts for a workmate as that was a private matter.

Did you seek out this old thread just to tell us about the things you forbade? 😆