AIBU to be sad work didn't get me a gift for new baby?

[Jennyrob669]

Ok so I know in the grand scheme of things this doesn't really matter, but I still feel sad about it.

I've worked with my colleagues for 12 years and have always contributed to staff collections. I received gifts myself for turning 30, marriage and 1st baby. I had my second baby 10 months ago and all I got was an 89p card that not even all the staff signed. I thought I'd receive a gift too, but nothing. It was like zero effort went into it.

I know I shouldn't expect anything, but this happened 10 months ago and I still think about it. I dont know why it bothers me so much! I question if my work friends are actually my friends. Only 1 came to visit me and new baby and they don't really text unless I text them first. I always thought I had a good relationship with everyone, but it seems since I dropped to part time hours, I'm not in the inner circle anymore.

[Itsjustabitofbanter]

Tbh even most of my family and friends weren’t bothered about my second. It sounds like they put their hands in their pockets for everything else, and it was actually acknowledged with a card. I think you’re being a bit precious

[Charleyhorses]

Friendly work colleagues is what they are. I've realised this. In all my years of working I have about 3 or 4 that are proper friends. The rest are people that I got on great with at work , keep up with on fb. You shouldn't confuse the two!

[Fleamaker123]

There's some strange attitudes on here... That is miserable OP. Can't imagine not getting someone a little something for a new baby, I'd be cringing as they left!
In my work the line manager would instigate collections for weddings, births and leaving. Nothing else. It's not something that happens on a weekly basis! And it's anonymous so just put in whatever. No pressure. It shows the employee is valued.
But most work colleagues are just that, colleagues. When you leave they mostly forget about you!

[spirallingCat]

Sorry to be a miserable so and so, but I hate the practice of workplace gifting.

I worked in a place where we were expected to contribute £3 for every birthday, baby, wedding, leaving gift, house purchase, engagement, you name it. We were sent emails with reminders until we handed over the cash. This got extremely wearing as the team expanded to around 50 people. Especially as I was one of the lower earners. Some months I was handing over more than £20. And funny enough, when my birthday rolled around the value was no where near 50 x 3

Point is, I don't agree with workplace traditions such as this at all. People shouldn't be expected to do anything, or expect gifts for themselves. A card is perfectly satisfactory from work colleagues, anything else is a nice bonus.

[ToffeePennie]

Workplaces are weird. I changed workplaces between my first and second child.
First son - I got a massive bunch of flowers on my last day, a card and a “pamper mum gift set” type thing.
Then when I sent the announcement I got another bunch of flowers, a newborn baby layette and a cute blanket.
They also gave gifts for big birthdays.
Then I move on to my second workplace. It was really lovely, they had an odd system of everyone chips in £5 at the start of the year and any big birthdays, new babies (one lady went and had her 4th whilst i was there) or anything would come out of that pot. The management would periodically add a lot to it. Typically it was a mini party on our lunch break, flowers, a card and wine/babygrows.
I had been there nearly 3 years, and when I went to have number 2, nothing.
Not a card, no flowers, literally nothing.
I was preoccupied and wasn’t worried.
Went back to work, next day “Oooh toffee you haven’t paid into the pot” “nope” “can you pay into it now?” “Nope”
Other reasons I handed in my notice the same day so I only had a few days (I had holiday to use up) of her nagging, but I wouldn’t put into a pot when it was clearly not being evenly distributed.
Later I heard on the grapevine the girls in charge had a tendency to only buy gifts and things for management or their friends, if someone they didn’t like had a special day, they would pocket the money, wait until that person had gone off for their birthday and tell management they had had the gift sent straight to their home!

[username4058382]

I didn't get anything for my second baby from work I didn't even think about it really. I got a lovely gift for my first. I suppose in your case OP if it's a regular thing it might feel abit rubbish. I understand what you mean about not feeling as much part of the group when you go part time.
I have to say though I personally don't like all this gift giving in the work place. I'm glad in my work apart from a card and maybe some cake we don't do it. There are 20 of us and there is a birthday at least once a month. Since going part time I don't have the money. I think it puts a lot of pressure on people. I use to work at a shop as a Saturday girl. They did it there and expected us all to put in £10. I only got paid £100 a month

[elizabeth533]

I didn’t even get a card. Not even a goodbye on my last shift 😂

[FrugiFan]

Most of my family members didnt send a gift for my second baby, let alone work colleagues.

[Pukkatea]

At my work we purposely only give a gift for leaving. Anything else gets a card. Otherwise it's too many birthdays and events and not fair to expect everyone to fork out when they might not even buy gifts for their personal friends. And things like babies are fraught with issues - I remember a collection going around for a new baby at an old workplace which ended with a member of staff going home as she had recently suffered a miscarriage. I don't think gifts for life events that not everyone will benefit from somewhat equally are fair.

[elenacampana]

I had birthdays and got married while at a job and received something from my colleagues each time and they were always very generous. I left the business a couple of months after my 31st birthday and specifically asked them not to get me anything as a leaving gift as I felt they’d spent more than enough on me already.

I’d had enough of the collection culture there, it was too often. Sometimes you’d be donating £20 a month and let’s be honest, these are colleagues. I think you’re being unreasonable to a) expect and b) still be upset 10 months later.

[CorianderLord]

They probably forgot. It happens. Work forgot my birthday once and my manager was horrified when she realised a month later 😂

[SerenDippitty]

@Pukkatea

At my work we purposely only give a gift for leaving. Anything else gets a card. Otherwise it's too many birthdays and events and not fair to expect everyone to fork out when they might not even buy gifts for their personal friends. And things like babies are fraught with issues - I remember a collection going around for a new baby at an old workplace which ended with a member of staff going home as she had recently suffered a miscarriage. I don't think gifts for life events that not everyone will benefit from somewhat equally are fair.

Good point. New baby collections can be very difficult for people suffering from infertility too. Especially if there is a card coming round as well -seeing what other people had written on it could be upsetting.

[starrynight87]

I'm sorry OP, but I think in most workplaces a second baby isn't celebrated the same. I would feel like I wouldn't want to keep forking out everytime.

But then I don't have children so maybe this is just resentment for paying for engagement, wedding, pregnancy, baby and christening work gifts!

[slashlover]

My BIL's girlfriend made a lovely personalised gift for my first child. The second one didn't even get a card. I'll have to make something so that second baby doesn't feel left out.

Second baby won't care.

[redcarbluecar]

I think I’d be disappointed if, having helped to organise other people’s cards and collections, it then wasn’t reciprocated when it came to me i.e. I became an exception to the workplace’s norm. Seems like in OP’s workplace, events like second babies, engagements etc were usually deemed noteworthy. It’s small in the scheme of things, but I don’t think the feeling is unreasonable.

[dogperson05]

You are posting about this and it happened 10 Months ago? Have you not had anything else to think about? That is really strange, let it go. So much has happened in those 10 months ! You could probably buy yourself a nicer gift anyway, something that you actually want or need. Your colleagues are just your colleagues, will you even keep in touch now you're no longer working together?

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

When it works well it's a nice thing to do....

When not, the capacity for hurt feelings, resentment,irritation is writ pretty large...
(like the OP where all the organisers had left, or irritation that Phoebe has had her third major gift in 18 months... First baby, wedding, engagement), and Fred has had one in 15 years - his 50th-he's worked there from age 42 - 57)

Worked in a large office as a temp.... Oh my... Every bloody day... Envelopes would be passed around desks:.. Doris ' hysterectomy, Jeremy's 5th child, Jo is leaving, Ella is having cancer treatment...

Lots of (c) overt pressure to donate.... Which I did... I started being more assertive... After the 3rd time I'd been asked that week to contribute to someone, that I wasn't entirely clear what they looked like!

One fo the best places I worked, they'd stopped doing collections, apart from really major stuff... A well-liked staff member leaving after 20 years etc...

For everything else there was a lunchtime party where everyone would bring in a plate of food... Those who were staying away from home would sub take away pizzas or get an armful of bagettes from local bakery.... It worked really well!

Special events felt marked... It didn't cost anyone a fortune... Often celebrations were combined...so Doris coming back off long term sick leave, Jeremy's 5th child, and Freddy & Mark's birthdays.....were all celebrated at the same time.

[starrynight87]

I also remember being really frustrated at work because a lady came in for 2 weeks then left on mat leave and we had got her welcome gifts, she had a big birthday and then had baby gifts!

[SnackSizeRaisin]

I think it's best to reserve the workplace collections for work related things such as leaving, retirement, promotion. Or maybe if someone is unwell or has had an accident. It's pretty unfair on people who aren't fortunate enough to get married or have children to be expected to contribute money for someone else's present.
If people do want to celebrate their birthdays, engagements etc with work colleagues, then the person whose event it is should bring in the food for everyone to enjoy, or arrange to go for a meal or a drink. That way those who have more to celebrate also contribute more which seems fair to me.

[Twirlytwoo]

Congratulations! I work with two teams and one team were lovely and got me presents and card but second team didn't even bother. Some of them didn't even congratulate me when they heard I was expecting. I think it depends on your work friends as I know for a fact they clubbed together to get a present for a colleague who had a second baby.

[mrsbyers]

Maybe you should be thankful for the three gifts you’ve already had , a lot of people give to these things constantly and receive nothing back

[ThePlantsitter]

Am I the only second child who's been through the family albums asking why my sister had loads of cards, photos, and even a baby book and I didn't then?! I mean it's not an issue now at the age of 40 odd but I have my parents no end of guilt-shit about it as a teenager!

[Marmite27]

I didn’t even get a card for my second baby.

[Candyfloss99]

@SnackSizeRaisin

I think it's best to reserve the workplace collections for work related things such as leaving, retirement, promotion. Or maybe if someone is unwell or has had an accident. It's pretty unfair on people who aren't fortunate enough to get married or have children to be expected to contribute money for someone else's present.
If people do want to celebrate their birthdays, engagements etc with work colleagues, then the person whose event it is should bring in the food for everyone to enjoy, or arrange to go for a meal or a drink. That way those who have more to celebrate also contribute more which seems fair to me.

So true

[BabyLlamaZen]

I get why you feel sad if you thought you were all close, but I agree that second baby isn't seen as the same. Do they get you a present for every birthday?

My work 'deal' is that you just get a card for every general event, only a present for something special like 1st baby, retirement, sabbatical, 60th etc.