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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guests staying overnight... would anyone be concerned?

52 replies

Lovely1a2b3c · 01/07/2020 01:15

We have some guests staying this weekend- they're travelling a long way. I'm quite concerned about Covid but keen to see them.

AIBU?

YABU - for you're being unreasonable to feel worried/concerned
YANBU- for you're not being unreasonable for worrying about Covid re. overnight guests.

OP posts:
Yesmate · 01/07/2020 01:24

Good hand hygiene, don’t cuddle etc Or share crockery/cutlery and keep your surfaces clean.
I’m going to stay with my friend this weekend and I can’t bloody wait. I am not worried at all but everyone is different.

jessstan2 · 01/07/2020 01:31

I suppose you are not unreasonable to be concerned but you agreed to have them so will have to make the best of it. Just be careful, wear masks and sanitise everything while they are around and don't sit too close. It's only one night.

Teapot13 · 01/07/2020 02:19

Are they coming from a place with a lot of infection? Have both households locked down thoroughly? These are what you have to consider.

purplepeopleeaters · 01/07/2020 03:50

I wouldn't have any overnight guests at all at the moment, there is nobody I want to see that much that I'd risk their health or my DCs.

octoberfarm · 01/07/2020 03:50

Honestly? I'd cancel. Most of the increase in infections we're seeing currently, at least where we are, are a result of increased indoor socializing. But it depends on what risk you're comfortable with, and how much you'd enjoy the visit if you're all having to be extra careful anyway.

BlusteryLake · 01/07/2020 04:08

I wouldn't be concerned and would go ahead. We are staying overnight with my parents next weekend and really looking forward to it.

Quarantimespringclean · 01/07/2020 04:34

I’d cancel. For the next few weeks I will only be seeing a very few people and that will be outside and at a distance.

Lalala205 · 01/07/2020 04:42

To be honest I've worked in a high 1:1 contact, plus multiple occupancy environment since the outbreak. I kept away from other family members until rules were relaxed recently. But I've been lucky that I've not (nor anyone I work with) developed symptoms. My parents are vulnerable and are continuing to self isolate, but I'm now mixing with younger immediate family who aren't. I know two people who've tested positive who work in hands on personal care settings. So whilst I'm definately not a medical professional I'd say it seems more prevelant in high risk environments eg. care homes. If your visitors have been isolating, and are local. Then the figures seem to state the risk is very low? The reality is whilst we don't have a vaccine, we can't all stay behind closed doors forever? I think we all need to take personal accountability in to the mix and think 'am I/my household high risk if we get infected? Is it feasible to remain isolated forever?).

Original poster
Lovely1a2b3c · 01/07/2020 11:50

Thanks everyone. It's so difficult to know what to do in these situations at the moment. For various reasons I can't cancel, I just wanted to know if I am being unreasonable to be concerned!

They locked down originally but have been socialising for a couple of weeks. They're travelling 400 miles so will have to stop a couple of times. They have DC so no distancing. It's not my invite but I am keen to see them. I just wish it was safer to travel at the moment.

OP posts:
BananaPop2020 · 01/07/2020 18:26

Wouldn’t even occur to me to worry about this. It is going to be virtually impossible to control people’s behaviour after 4th July anyway.

Yesmate · 01/07/2020 18:34

Of course you can cancel. If you aren’t comfortable then cancel.

hibbledobble · 01/07/2020 18:36

Is this allowed within the rules currently? If not, then please do cancel.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 01/07/2020 18:50

I don't think I'd have overnight guests staying at the moment. Odd are if they're visiting you and have been socialising they'll have been in contact with plenty of others, and you have absolutely no idea where those others have been, so the cycle continues.

We had DS9's best mate over today - they played in the garden and ate lunch out there. I might be going too far with the distancing, but I'd much rather just take it slowly than take too many risks.

Bluntness100 · 01/07/2020 18:52

Meh, I’ve had overnight guests already and it was fine, it’s about one in two thousand people have it, and yes they may be that person, but just don’t sit too close etc.

Original poster
Lovely1a2b3c · 01/07/2020 23:38

Thanks all.

OP posts:
Twillow · 01/07/2020 23:46

At this point in the pandemic, we know how to control risk. In the UK it's unfortunate that it's largely up to individuals whether they choose to do this or not.

For example, however much Boris asks people to be sensible the pubs WILL be mad this weekend, because many people are idiots.
Why haven't they even thought of selling or arranging tickets, for a start?

Some people i know are socialising sensibly, in gardens, bringing own drinks etc.
Others I know (work colleagues) are full-on indoors "oh we'll be ok we haven't caught it yet hahaha".

I shall be controlling my risk by avoiding those colleagues and wearing a mask at work, for example.
But you can never know who has had contact with an infected person.

It will probably be fine. But you can't know.

ArcheryAnnie · 01/07/2020 23:52

I think you should worry. You are taking a risk, and only you can know whether that risk is worth taking, and what effect it might have on you and your family, but if they have been socialising with other people before they come to stay with you, then yes, you are at risk.

FWIW I think people are not worrying enough. I am still ill, three months in, and I don't know if/when I will ever be fully well. Most people don't die of covid (though that is no comfort to the friends and families of those that do) but even if you survive, you may be left ill for a very long time.

Original poster
Lovely1a2b3c · 01/07/2020 23:52

Yes I'm concerned @Twillow, but I am staying in a household with relatives who have invited other family members to stay- so it's tricky.

We have been so careful throughout lockdown.

I do want to see them but I am very concerned.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovely1a2b3c · 01/07/2020 23:55

@ArcheryAnnie - I actually have no control over this situation.

It's my sister and their family that are visiting. I'm living with relatives. I am deeply concerned but can't do anything because if I say anything then there will be major problems and it won't change anyone's plans.

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 02/07/2020 00:01

Lovely ah, that's awkward. In normal circumstances if you are a guest yourself, then you wouldn't be consulted about whether it was OK to invite other guests, but I do think in the current circs, where someone invited in could make you seriously ill, everyone in the household should get a say whether other people are brought in or not.

ArcheryAnnie · 02/07/2020 00:02

Is there a life-or-death reason your sister is coming? Could you talk to her direct? Or is she being gung-ho about the risks?

IAintentDead · 02/07/2020 00:12

Unless they have been working in food preparation factories and have been reasonably compliant with 'roolz' the chance of them having CV is far less than them having a bad accident in the car on the way to see you. If you care about them and trust them to have been reasonably sensible then the risk is minimal

ArcheryAnnie · 02/07/2020 00:14

the chance of them having CV is far less than them having a bad accident in the car on the way to see you

I'm sorry, but this is utter nonsense.

Itisbetter · 02/07/2020 00:16

Why are they coming? Sounds against the rules and utterly irresponsible behaviour.

ExhaustedBeyondBelief · 02/07/2020 00:29

Im not letting anyone in the house for 1 minute, let alone overnight.

Nope!