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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guests staying overnight... would anyone be concerned?

52 replies

Lovely1a2b3c · 01/07/2020 01:15

We have some guests staying this weekend- they're travelling a long way. I'm quite concerned about Covid but keen to see them.

AIBU?

YABU - for you're being unreasonable to feel worried/concerned
YANBU- for you're not being unreasonable for worrying about Covid re. overnight guests.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 02/07/2020 00:30

@ArcheryAnnie

the chance of them having CV is far less than them having a bad accident in the car on the way to see you

I'm sorry, but this is utter nonsense.

Except it isnt. On the basis of probability, they are at far higher risk from a car accident than having CV.

However, I cant say I would be happy with the situation so I would be making it clear that these are my eating utensils so I will wash, dry and store them myself, and that I am still socially distancing. I wouldnt be participating in shared meals either.

Waveysnail · 02/07/2020 00:40

Unless someone is elderly or in ill health then I wouldn't be bothered.

Twillow · 02/07/2020 00:46

It's a tricky one and potentially outside your control if other members of your household have organised it. You could always be ill and take to your bed!
As others have said, it IS against the rules at this point, and you're right to be concerned, especially as they have already been socialising.

LemonadeAndDaisyChains · 02/07/2020 00:52

This Saturday? Aren't the rules changing so if in UK people can stay over (obviously not a party with multiple households) so shouldn't be a problem if so?

PleasantVille · 02/07/2020 00:57

@IAintentDead

Unless they have been working in food preparation factories and have been reasonably compliant with 'roolz' the chance of them having CV is far less than them having a bad accident in the car on the way to see you. If you care about them and trust them to have been reasonably sensible then the risk is minimal
If you think your chance of having a car accident is more than your chance of having covid you seriously misunderstand either statistics or the current situation.

It's attitudes like this that will lead to more local lockdowns

Pensylvan · 02/07/2020 01:01

If you go ahead I would recommend having a conversation beforehand about what you both understand the rules to be about wiping surfaces, cleaning plates, being inside/ outside. I have met up with a few people recently and have found it awkward and uncomfortable as it became clear that my interpretation of what is social distancing was different to their interpretation.

Goosefoot · 02/07/2020 01:07

If you think your chance of having a car accident is more than your chance of having covid you seriously misunderstand either statistics or the current situation.

So, what are the chances? Something like 1 in 2000 in the UK? But then it's not evenly spread of course, and we don't know where these people are coming from or what they do for a living. Presumably they don't live in a care home. What's the chance of a serious accident for someone driving 400 miles?

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 02/07/2020 01:26

just clean the bathroom before and after use,
have they travelled from an area with a high amount of cases?
keep your distance.
hope for the best

PleasantVille · 02/07/2020 01:29

@Goosefoot

If you think your chance of having a car accident is more than your chance of having covid you seriously misunderstand either statistics or the current situation.

So, what are the chances? Something like 1 in 2000 in the UK? But then it's not evenly spread of course, and we don't know where these people are coming from or what they do for a living. Presumably they don't live in a care home. What's the chance of a serious accident for someone driving 400 miles?

I've just looked up car accident statistics and in 2018 is says 25500 people were seriously injured in car accidents, given the millions of miles driven every year that's a pretty tiny chance for any journey. The poster didnt put any caveats about care homes so the 1 in 2000 is a valid comparison.

Twice as many people have died in 3 months from covid than are injured in a year never mind the hundreds of thousands who've been infected.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/07/2020 01:35

The rules for after the 4th July are very clear on the gov.com website. I don't know the full circumstances of all involved but,

you say They invited themselves and if having read the gov advice you are still unsure about this, then don't hesitate to cancel.
Why would you put up with the stress and worry of this when you don't have to? So what if they are offended. Its offensive that they invited themselves to stay during a pandemic.
Personally I wouldn't want a family that have been doing a lot of socialising staying over.
@Pensylvan made a very good point.
And just because someone else in your household organised it. You live there too. you are still within your rights to turn around and say you have thought it over but no.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/07/2020 01:43

Sorry I've just seen that you said you are staying with relatives who invited them. .
You still have a right not to be exposed to this by people who have done lots of socialising.
I would quote the new rules at the people you are staying with if it applies to your circumstance and I would also tell the visitors in advance that you are very worried about this and quite uncomfortable. They may not know how you feel and think you are fine with it.

Original poster
Lovely1a2b3c · 02/07/2020 15:19

Thanks all.

No chance of social distancing (my nephews are under 5 and will want to hug everyone) whilst they're here and to be honest as a young-ish adult I'm not actually at risk of serious complications but I'm very concerned for my parents; who are at risk (not shielding but their conditions put them at risk).

I feel fairly helpless. If I cancel then my sis has said they will reduce contact so nothing I can do.

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 02/07/2020 16:10

Good god your sister sounds incredibly selfish, I'm sorry. Putting your parents at risk under the threat of blackmail about future contact.

DestinationFkd · 02/07/2020 16:36

I wouldn't be concerned. I've stayed overnight in other households over the last month or so, and I've had overnight guests at mine.
We're all fine.

IrenetheQuaint · 02/07/2020 16:43

It is probably fine, unless they have been working in unsafe conditions. In fact, probably safer now than in a few weeks when the infection rate is likely to rise a bit due to people going to bars and restaurants, etc.

HeyBlaby · 02/07/2020 16:48

Im staying at my friends house who lives a couple of hours away this weekend. It is within the rules but it is up to each individual to risk assess within them for risk v benefit. If my friend was to turn around and say she was worried and didn't want me to stay I wouldn't think bad of her.

greenlynx · 02/07/2020 17:13

Something like this could happen in my family easily, we have very different approach to safety so I do understand how tricky it’s for you to speak up.
I think it’s too early for overnight stay but we are at the stage when people are making their own choices and you obviously can’t do anything about it. I would suggest to think about yourself first so if something happens (hopefully not) at least you will be ok and well.
Tidy up and put away as much things as possible. Keep people away from your room. Have a hand gel with you all the time. Don’t hug and kiss anyone, practise corona elbow greeting, but tell that’s because you don’t want to pass them a virus as you’ve been shopping / seeing friends etc just recently. To make it more realistic go shopping today/ tomorrow morning. Plan what you will be doing so you are in a less crowded environment, e.g you will be in the kitchen cooking. Think about food - sharing plates are not good; what games you can play with your nephew with less physical contact. Try to be the first visiting bathroom. Keep windows open constantly. Plan exit strategy: phone call from a friend, urgent essay or paperwork, headache, morning run, etc. And don’t share your mobile/ laptop with anyone. Be careful and don’t support certain topics if they can end up with you being asked to show something on your phone/laptop.
Don’t worry too much it will be ok but a bit of cautiousness will do no harm. Come back and update us how it went.

TimeForLunch · 02/07/2020 17:24

It is highly unlikely they will have Covid-19. I honestly wouldn't give it a second thought.

thunderstormsnow · 02/07/2020 17:25

I would not have them come this weekend because of the pubs re-opening, and the dangers this puts everyone in and uncertainty as to how others would behave.

They'll have a much better time say in two weeks time when you will know where you can go out to for walks or places to visit.

WarmSausageTea · 02/07/2020 17:29

If I cancel then my sis has said they will reduce contact so nothing I can do.

This Is highly manipulative and would really change how I feel about someone.

Yesmate · 02/07/2020 17:35

Your sister sounds like an arsehole. Threatening to reduce contact if you cancel?’ I’d happily reduce contact with someone so manipulative.

LadyPrigsbottom · 02/07/2020 17:41

Based on that last update, your sister sounds quite unpleasant. What is her reasoning behind reducing contact if she can't stay over this weekend? Can you have a good chat with her if your parents feel they can't say no? It isn't fair for them to be blackmailed like that.

IncrediblySadToo · 02/07/2020 17:47

@BananaPop2020

Wouldn’t even occur to me to worry about this. It is going to be virtually impossible to control people’s behaviour after 4th July anyway.
What does 4th of July have to do with who stays in your home? Just because people legally can now doesn't mean you have to allow them.
OverTheRainbow88 · 02/07/2020 20:49

Cough a few times and they’ll quickly stay away from you!

Original poster
Lovely1a2b3c · 02/07/2020 21:38

Thanks all. I'm very worried but there's nothing I can do! I don't think I can do any social distancing or keeping separate utensils as they'll all be in the same dishwasher! Thanks for the 70% YANBU vote though- for various reasons I just needed people to get-it!

OP posts: