Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Destination wedding...

128 replies

nalomi · 30/06/2020 23:05

So, it's the type of wedding invitation you can't really refuse, one from a close family member, and they've picked a destination wedding. I thought not a big deal at first, just a flight and a couple of days hotel, but it turns out not that simple, they are asking me to drop £1400 and take a week off work.

And where do you think they'd be having a wedding so as that flights and a week's accomodation there is £1400 a head per person? Seychelles? Thailand? Maldives?

Nope. It's Cyprus. The price is for a flight and all inclusive hotel, which includes all the buffet food you can eat and all the booze you can drink, neither of which really appealed to me - all that food left out for days on end with everyone picking through it, and I don't drink to excess, or at all except when socialising with a friend or date. And speaking of dates, it's not exactly something you can bring your other half to...

All my other close family members have said they are going and waiting for my response so it can be booked before the price goes up, that's the current quote. Any chance of a guilt free no?

OP posts:

sst1234 · 05/07/2020 04:50

If you feel £1400 buys you a holiday with your own partner etc that you would enjoy more, I would decline. You are under no obligation to spend so much to fill out someone else’s wedding photos:

makingmammaries · 05/07/2020 06:18

I suspect the room prices are subsidizing the wedding. Seriously, you can’t get an Airbnb for less than the prices you mentioned?

Hydrate · 05/07/2020 06:52

I would have to say no. I would politely list my reasons, pandemic, flying, hot place, food intolerances.

Casablanca78 · 05/07/2020 08:14

£1400 is a huge amount for a holiday you don't want to go on. Will you be sharing a room with another family member? Otherwise you'll probably also have to factor in a single person supplement.

The only way I'd probably consider saying yes is if it was a sibling. Anyone else and it'd be no, sorry we can't afford it or the time off. We turned down a wedding last year in Mauritius from DH best friend for this reason.

NeedToKnow101 · 05/07/2020 08:56

It's such a selfish choice of destination. Cyprus is almost in the middle-east! Even if you stayed somewhere cheaper you've seen how expensive flights are, whereas most of Europe flights can be fairly inexpensive. Plus Covid, who knows what will happen with travel and with people's jobs. Plus you should really be able to afford to bring your partner and you obviously feel that you can't.
Also I wouldn't want to spend my money in Cyprus after the shocking way they treated the rape victim last year.
Plus personally I find it too hot in the summer there.

Newkitchen123 · 05/07/2020 09:22

The biggest problem here is being asked to stay in the hotel where the wedding was.
Our guests stayed wherever suited their budget and had no problem finding apartments in their price range. They booked low cost flights the day they were released.
We didn't get married in one of those all inclusive hotels so we didn't have this issue.
I do think the prices you're looking at are unreasonable. I would not go at those prices.

Original poster

nalomi · 05/07/2020 12:58

@Casablanca78

£1400 is a huge amount for a holiday you don't want to go on. Will you be sharing a room with another family member? Otherwise you'll probably also have to factor in a single person supplement.

£1400 is the 'share a room with another family member' price. If I wanted to bring partner, they'd also need to pay their share, another £1400, or £2800 between us totally...

Yes, it's a sibling.

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 05/07/2020 13:12

Have you actually talked to your sibling about this?

853ax · 05/07/2020 13:25

I guess they picked all inclusive as large group going would be harder to organise dinners out ect. They felt were helping by organising everyone to go together. To be fair getting lot notice so time to save/pay off.
If having doubts now say no let them know that If closer to time you change mind can find your own accommodation and organise yourself.
I'm with you not wanting to take a week off work for a holiday someone else decides and controls. But I'm sure a few days away for your siblings wedding would be lovely. You could build your own holidays around it.

Newkitchen123 · 05/07/2020 13:43

All inclusive is my idea of hell
I think it's unfair if you're being asked to stay there with no choice
I would be saying if I'm going i so be choosing my own accommodation.
I wouldn't want to spend every night with the whole group.
Our family and friends group did their own thing some nights, met up other nights and a bit of both on other nights.
If bride and groom are asking for you to go on holiday then they need to realise there will be times when you want your own space

hashtagbollocks · 05/07/2020 13:51

Milly
if you were having a party when you got back anyway, why not get married here and have a honeymoon st the destination.
If none of your friends could go to the wedding that must have changed how you envisaged it.
Can I ask what made the destination so much more about the wedding rather than a nice place to visit IYSWIM

Original poster

nalomi · 05/07/2020 18:48

@MatildaTheCat

Have you actually talked to your sibling about this?

Obviously not. I just received the invitation.

OP posts:

rookiemere · 05/07/2020 19:09

You need to give them an answer soon, otherwise you might decide not to go and in the meantime the price goes up for everyone else.

You clearly disapprove of them getting married abroad and making guests pay such a high amount to be there and to be honest, I don't blame you. However it does sound like the opportunity to spend a week with your family might be enjoyable to you and not something you want to miss out on.
I know £1400 is a high amount for a week's holiday not in the destination of your choice, but is it a lot of money to you ? If it's something you can afford reasonably without sacrifices I'd go - not necessarily because of the wedding- but because of the opportunity to spend a week with family.

rookiemere · 05/07/2020 19:09

You need to give them an answer soon, otherwise you might decide not to go and in the meantime the price goes up for everyone else.

rookiemere · 05/07/2020 19:10

Sorry did not mean to post that twice

Mixedandproud · 05/07/2020 19:13

You won’t be the only one feeling this way, that is a huge sum of money to pay.
Could you look into renting a villa with some other guests and split the cost?
Or could you travel just for a couple of nights and stay in an Airbnb or something?

Nosuchluck · 05/07/2020 19:20

Have you looked at how much it would cost to book the holiday just as a regular guest? Websites such add Love Holidays and On the Beach allow you to book hotels for any amount of nights you like. It may be worth investigating, I don't see why you should have to be in the £1400 club.

Ellmau · 05/07/2020 19:25

I have googled 'get married at [resort name]' and see that the cost of the wedding package is about 120 quid or so and the ceremony is provided by a third party independently of the hotel, but on their property.

So it's a loss leader and effectively the guests are paying for the wedding.

Ellmau · 05/07/2020 19:27

*£1400 is the 'share a room with another family member' price. If I wanted to bring partner, they'd also need to pay their share, another £1400, or £2800 between us totally...
*

I thought so.

But does this mean, if you don't go, the family member you would be sharing with would have to pay £2800?

Your bridal sibling is putting you and other family members in a very difficult position.

welcometohell · 05/07/2020 19:38

People asking if £1400 is a lot of money to the OP or can she easily afford it- even if OP is minted, it's still a bloody cheek to assume people are willing to sacrifice a week of annual leave. That would be a greater sticking point for me than the cost.

rookiemere · 05/07/2020 19:48

I think those suggesting that OP goes and stays somewhere else are missing the point.
There would be very little point in still paying out a big amount, but effectively not being able to join the rest of the family in the hotel. It sounds like OP would value the opportunity to spend some time with her family.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/07/2020 20:05

The £1400 is the flight and hotel cost for a week's holiday at the resort for one person

No doubt, but I just checked flights plus hotel for a week in Cyprus next August and prices start at about £1300 for two

No doubt too that only certain hotels may offer weddings, but at £1400 each you're almost certainly being stiffed to cover a hell of a lot for the couple themselves

Original poster

nalomi · 05/07/2020 20:18

@Ellmau

*£1400 is the 'share a room with another family member' price. If I wanted to bring partner, they'd also need to pay their share, another £1400, or £2800 between us totally... *

I thought so.

But does this mean, if you don't go, the family member you would be sharing with would have to pay £2800?

Your bridal sibling is putting you and other family members in a very difficult position.

Not at all. The accomodation is twins/triples. The price is per person based on a minimum of two sharing.

But you obviously can't stick a third person into a room and just pay the resort cost for two persons.

OP posts:

BakewellGin1 · 05/07/2020 20:35

Just say sorry I'm afraid there is no way we can make it (work/finances due to current situation if you feel you need an excuse)

We got married in Mexico - actually our original choice hotel was Cyprus but at the time it was significantly cheaper to go to Mexico.

We invited friends and family but on the invites added we knew it was a big ask and we understood if they couldn't make it.
As it happens 29 of us flew out and it was amazing. There were people we would of liked there but getting married abroad means you have to compromise. We had an evening party on our return

Have also been to two destination weddings but they were both close family/friends. Many of our friendship group were going and we used it as our family holiday that year.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 05/07/2020 20:50

The price is for a flight and all inclusive hotel, which includes all the buffet food you can eat and all the booze you can drink, neither of which really appealed to me - all that food left out for days on end with everyone picking through it

Not the main point, I know, but an expensive all-inclusive resort will not leave buffet food out “for days in end”- they will have to abide by food hygiene and safety rules like any other hotel or restaurant! You’re being needlessly dramatic with that comment.

Actually, what is described as a “buffet” in these kind of places will often have a lot of dishes made to order at the counter for you, and the all-inclusive could include table service meals as well.

Not that the buffet definitely not being poisonous should be a reason for you to reconsider; I fully appreciate why it is a huge expense and imposition. Also, I asked a Greek friend about visiting Cyprus (she’s from mainland Greece) and she said it was nice but very very hot in August- “too hot even for Greeks”.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6