Destination wedding...

[nalomi]

So, it's the type of wedding invitation you can't really refuse, one from a close family member, and they've picked a destination wedding. I thought not a big deal at first, just a flight and a couple of days hotel, but it turns out not that simple, they are asking me to drop £1400 and take a week off work.

And where do you think they'd be having a wedding so as that flights and a week's accomodation there is £1400 a head per person? Seychelles? Thailand? Maldives?

Nope. It's Cyprus. The price is for a flight and all inclusive hotel, which includes all the buffet food you can eat and all the booze you can drink, neither of which really appealed to me - all that food left out for days on end with everyone picking through it, and I don't drink to excess, or at all except when socialising with a friend or date. And speaking of dates, it's not exactly something you can bring your other half to...

All my other close family members have said they are going and waiting for my response so it can be booked before the price goes up, that's the current quote. Any chance of a guilt free no?

Shouldn't bride and groom pay for the charge to get you into the resort?
I'd ask what resort and get the price for time in nearing hotel fir a few nights.

I assume it's a sibling do you'd be paying a ton for a holiday with your parents and sibling plus their partner and their family. I'd need my partner there and wouldn't want 24/7 with them all!

That's £200 per day!! Not value for money

I would just speak to the couple and say you can't afford £1400 but want to see the ceremony and celebrate their day.

So you'll book flights and hotel for a couple of days and not stay at the resort

Bollocks to that- it's still going to cost a fortune. I'm with @1Morewineplease on this: people need to realise how ridiculous some of their expectations are.

@rwoollsey the only fly in the ointment is Cyprus is nearly a 5 hour flight each way, plus flight costs in June are not cheap, the dates I had for next year flights are £600pp return , that was the absolute cheapest, and no different if 2, 5 or 10 nights.

I would have no compunction about saying "don't even try to guilt trip me into going. I don't have that kind of money"

Don’t be a martyr over this OP. Just politely decline. There needn’t be any drama.

A close family member got married in Africa with a villa and a hotel location. Guests had to pay for both venues as it was all held within secure compounds. It's been hard to forget and to some extent has defined them for us as being incredibly selfish . Elderly grandparents couldn't attend and it cost thousands per head.Seventy guests attended and the combined cost was insane.Don't feel you need to go.

sirfredfredgeorge Why were you paying £100 to attend, surely the bride and groom should have paid that as you were their guest

What is it with people who don't pay the hosting costs for their own wedding, but expect everyone else to shell out

I've been to a Cyprus wedding, the bride no longer speaks to me (no idea why!) so err it didn't help that relationship! Fab wedding though. We didn't pay anywhere near that though and stayed in our own private villa.

sirfredfredgeorge Why were you paying £100 to attend, surely the bride and groom should have paid that as you were their guest

Because I wanted to, and I was in a position to pay for it, I certainly paid for everyone at my wedding, but then as the total cost managed to stretch barely over 3 figures it wasn't particularly relevant.

Your etiquette requirements on who pays for a wedding are simply not mine.

Your etiquette requirements on who pays for a wedding are simply not mine.

I think most people's 'etiquette requirements' are that if you are invited to a wedding you don't pay for your own dinner

You know you won’t be the only ones saying no.

Too much money. It’s too early to go booking overseas trips while this pandemic is still raging across the world. Prices are likely to come down to encourage people to travel again so I wouldn’t commit. Just tell them you don’t have the money and want to wait to book. If they want to go ahead that’s up to them

Just tell them you don’t have the money and want to wait to book.

Isn't that a bit yeah, but no but yeah?

Don’t understand destination weddings with guests, unless one of the couple come from that country. Why can’t you just go to the special destination for your honeymoon?

Exactly!

I am unusual in that I don't enjoy weddings and would have no problem saying no thank you, but have a great wedding!

However, I do love Cyprus! So in this case I would probably go and have a holiday in a hotel of my choosing and just attend the wedding on the day. Of course the hotel will allow day guests!

Just say you can't get the week off but will come for the weekend and book that yourself with the venue (assuming that is allowed).

At the moment it's ridiculous to expect people to commit to a big spend on foreign holidays when we've no idea if people will be able to go or not.
tell them to count you out for now - covid and cost - but you'll review the situation nearer the time. They won't like this as your holiday costs will be helping to pay for their wedding, but seriously anyone putting down big deposits for foreign trips in the future right now should assess the current situation.

I would just say ''no, sorry'' and give a nice wedding gift (gift voucher, maybe JL).

And just a comment on all inclusive hotels... I have worked in one years ago in popular tourist destination and I truly do not suggest to eat that food, especially meat

I didn't go to my only siblings destination wedding. I costed it would be about 7k for us all to go.

When you book a wedding abroad you should expect people not to be able to make it for a number of reasons. When we booked ours, we didn't invite anyone as it would be cheeky to expect people to travel to the other side of the world.

I can state with absolute conviction that I will never blow the entire family holiday budget and take a week of precious annual leave to attend anyone’s destination wedding, close relative or not.

Bil still doesn’t speak to us after we refused to do just that...he got married in Argentina. We didn’t go. His wife sent me nasty messages about what a horrible person I am but I didn’t much care.
They were tripping to think we had that sort of money and free time available to dedicate to their bloody wedding.
Apparently that invite WAS a summons.
They can fuck off.

I have been to a destination wedding in cyprus was expensive but we incorporated it as a family holiday- if i could not have afforded it we simply would not have gone
FULL DISCLOSURE I am a destination wedding bride....
We got married on a small greek island- we sent put our invites very much with the disclosure we understand this is a big ask please dont feel obligated and we are having a party back in the UK. None of our friends including the couple who would have been best man and bridesmaid came and thats fine. Again its a huge ask. You cant also dictate what hotel people stay at- as from my experience from researching these things the bride and groom absorb the cost of food and drink for guests on the day (this happened at the cyprus wedding i was at a few years ago...at my own wedding the meal was at a taverna not a hotel so we picked up the tab)

Just say I am unable to attend x

We didn’t attend my siblings destination wedding a few years back due to cost (circa 8/9k), they spat their dummy out royally and couldn’t understand why we weren’t able to afford it (none of their business) and we had already spent approx 10k going to their two previous destination weddings!

I no longer have any problem with saying no to invites that are going to cost us ridiculous amounts of money!