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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Destination wedding...

128 replies

nalomi · 30/06/2020 23:05

So, it's the type of wedding invitation you can't really refuse, one from a close family member, and they've picked a destination wedding. I thought not a big deal at first, just a flight and a couple of days hotel, but it turns out not that simple, they are asking me to drop £1400 and take a week off work.

And where do you think they'd be having a wedding so as that flights and a week's accomodation there is £1400 a head per person? Seychelles? Thailand? Maldives?

Nope. It's Cyprus. The price is for a flight and all inclusive hotel, which includes all the buffet food you can eat and all the booze you can drink, neither of which really appealed to me - all that food left out for days on end with everyone picking through it, and I don't drink to excess, or at all except when socialising with a friend or date. And speaking of dates, it's not exactly something you can bring your other half to...

All my other close family members have said they are going and waiting for my response so it can be booked before the price goes up, that's the current quote. Any chance of a guilt free no?

OP posts:

KaptainKaveman · 01/07/2020 15:14

Just say no!

Purpleartichoke · 01/07/2020 15:17

If it is a can’t say no invitation, then I assume a sibling, child, or grandchild, because really, that is the only wedding skipping is such a huge deal.

I’m personally of the opinion that if the couple wants a destination wedding, they should be prepared to help our financially with their closest relatives.

BacklashStarts · 01/07/2020 15:17

At least Cyprus has decent car hire. I think I’d say “I’m soooo disappointed not but work won’t give me a week off that week so I’ll come the day before and stay at X place and see you on the day.”

sirfredfredgeorge · 01/07/2020 15:20

If you don't want to spend the money, don't go, it's perfectly reasonable.

If you don't want to spend that much money and don't value the all inclusive, the hotel will have a day price to get you in for the wedding, stay nearby in accommodation that you do like and pay that.

I once stayed in a hostel for a few quid a night, attended the wedding I think for around 70 or 80 quid for the all inclusive hotel, leaving at the end to return to the hostel.

I imagine the bridge and groom didn't actually want many people to attend, and it's a great way to make sure only the people that really want to be there are there.

HavingAMoan · 01/07/2020 15:30

I don’t see how not wanting to spend £1400 is unreasonable. It’s unreasonable expecting anyone to do so.

Ellmau · 01/07/2020 15:35

Yikes. If you go alone you might have to pay £2800 to attend then, maybe a bit less to account for flights. That's ridiculous.

Nosuchluck · 01/07/2020 15:37

Could you look at the hotel and see if there's any way it can be booked for a few nights instead of the full week or looked at other accommodation in the area?

Runbitchrun · 01/07/2020 15:41

Of course you can say no, don’t be ridiculous. No one expects anyone else to shell out that much money and time if they don’t want to/aren’t able to. You don’t need any elaborate excuse either, simply a ‘I’m afraid I won’t be able to make that’ will suffice.

MaggieFS · 01/07/2020 15:42

Just say thank but sorry you can't do that. They can go ahead with their booking.

If you still want to go for the wedding, book your own easyJet flights and whatever accommodation you want for as long as you want to go for.

Original poster

nalomi · 01/07/2020 20:54

@Nosuchluck

Could you look at the hotel and see if there's any way it can be booked for a few nights instead of the full week or looked at other accommodation in the area?

I don't have the details of the hotel yet, just the price per person and that it's all inclusive in Cyprus. To be honest though, I'm sure that these hotels won't allow outsiders in without the all inclusive wristband, even as guests of residents, for obvious reasons.

OP posts:

giantangryrooster · 01/07/2020 21:19

I don't know much about this, but could you enlighten me if it is normal for guests to pay for meals and drinks even at the wedding?

Seems to me this is an ideal way of being celebrated for an entire week without having to pay for having a wedding .

TeaAndHobnob · 01/07/2020 21:22

@nalomi

And where do you think they'd be having a wedding so as that flights and a week's accomodation there is £1400 a head per person? Seychelles? Thailand? Maldives?

All my other close family members have said they are going and waiting for my response so it can be booked before the price goes up, that's the current quote. Any chance of a guilt free no?

Yikes.

£1400 is a lot of money. Does that include flights? I suspect not. Destination weddings are pretty cheeky anyway imo unless one of the couple is from there. And to expect guests to fork out for a whole week at an AI resort and have a holiday they don't really want is awful! There should be an option to fly in, do the wedding, fly home, two or three nights max. As that isn't an option I don't think you have a choice except to say no!

candycane222 · 01/07/2020 21:28

Ooh that's ridiculous!! If 40 people go, that's £60 grand that's been pissed away on their behalf. Absurd.

candycane222 · 01/07/2020 21:30

Oh plus flights? £70 grand then.

DingDongDenny · 01/07/2020 21:30

I bet the package they have picked means the wedding part is really cheap, or even split with everyone so they don't have to pay extra

So for them it's really cheap - how else would you get a weeding for £1,400 - But that's because everyone else is paying for it

BitOfFun · 01/07/2020 21:30

Just gracefully decline. You can't guarantee the leave, nor spend that kind of money in these insecure times. You don't have to put a reason in your reply though.

AmandaHoldensLips · 01/07/2020 21:31

TIP:

You DO NOT have to give a reason why you are not attending. My standard response for turning down a wedding RSVP is:

Regret we are unable to be with you on your special day. I have no doubt it will be a beautiful wedding! Yours etc.

Muppetry76 · 01/07/2020 21:31

They are on the invite, but £1400 is the per person cost, not per room. So if they come too, it's £2800.

Holy fuck OP, I didn't spend that on my whole wedding, never mind going to someone else's!

cakewench · 01/07/2020 21:32

That is stunning. I’d absolutely come up with a reason to only go for the weekend.

1Morewineplease · 01/07/2020 21:33

Just say no.
The sooner couples realise that mere mortals cannot or would not spend that amount of money on attending a wedding, the better.
It upsets so many people and puts pressure on so many more.

Holothane · 01/07/2020 21:34

Sounds like hell I’d say sorry just can’t afford end off, if they kick drop them as friends.

sirfredfredgeorge · 01/07/2020 21:38

To be honest though, I'm sure that these hotels won't allow outsiders in without the all inclusive wristband, even as guests of residents, for obvious reasons.

Every wedding at an all inclusive resort I've heard of allows for off-hotel guests to attend, it's not cheap for a day of all inclusive food and drink, for the one I attended it was almost 100 pounds I think, but it was still considerably cheaper than staying in the hotel, and obviously you get a days worth of use of the hotel. If the hotel offers non all inclusive as well, they often charge little more than a token amount for attending.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 01/07/2020 21:40

Can you say youd love to go to their wedding but it's out of your budget, and take your partner and stay somewhere else?

HeyBlaby · 01/07/2020 21:43

Same position except I booked for a wedding in July that has now been rearranged. Left me in the position of potentially having to take a holiday I didn't even want (I dislike Cyprus) Luckily has just been cancelled by Jet2.

I am not booking again for the rearranged date unless Covid is over (unlikely) The wedding is in school holidays in June, just after a bank holiday so is an absolute fortune for a week in a place I would never holiday in. We do not know if school will go ahead full time so will have to potentially take annual or unpaid leave for that, leaving us money down or not much annual leave left. Cyprus may not let us in in June if a second peak or limit numbers in a gathering, potentially meaning going to Cyprus but not attending the wedding. I have had three holidays cancelled in March and I am not wanting to go through the hassle of getting a refund or rearranging again anytime soon.

I'm a bridesmaid (one of six) so YANBU. This has caused me and several others so much stress, some struggled to afford the first booking, now we are onto the second which has risen in price somewhat and is on the background of a global pandemic and recession. Cyprus is five hours away so not like you can do a quick 2 night visit, even 5 days in the cheapest of cheap apartments in June is £1500 for two adults, that is before food etc.

rant over

Purpleartichoke · 01/07/2020 21:46

Op, if you do go, the cost might be higher. Generally the per person price is based on 2
People in the room.

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