I have been living with a flatmate since September. We didn’t know each other beforehand, we met through a flatshare website. Generally it’s worked well - we get along and have a similar lifestyle.
The problem is her view of our relationship is VERY different to mine. In my opinion we are flatmates who get along. In her opinion we are best friends forever. She can be INCREDIBLY clingy. Before lockdown started, I thought I was going to have to move away for work for several months. I told her I would sublet my room, but reassured her I would let her vet the new occupant and would only sublet to someone she was comfortable with. Then a couple of days later I learnt I didn’t have to move away for work after all. When I told her, she was so relieved and said that she had cried for hours, literally hours, when she thought I’d be moving away. Her boyfriend confirmed that, he said he’s never seen her so upset.
This has been getting worse recently. A few days ago I mentioned another girl I previously lived with, and this prompted an hour-long discussion of “Do you like her more than me? Is she more fun than me? Is she a better cook than me?” She asked me to list everyone I’ve lived with since I left home aged 18 and tell her whether I liked them more than her. This was all done in a jokey tone...but still, she was asking about it for an hour.
She frequently makes comments about how she wants to live with me forever, or marry me off to one of her friends so I stay in her life forever. She frequently asks “Do you really like me?” and “You won’t leave me, will you?” Again, in a jokey tone, but still.
At this point I should say I recognise that she probably has some emotional problems. A close friend of hers died suddenly a few years ago and I suspect that’s made her unable to stand the thought of any other relationship being severed. I do like her, I feel sorry for her, and I want to avoid upsetting her.
Nonetheless, as you can probably tell, this is REALLY creeping me out. We've known each other for less than 10 months! Ironically, if she stopped demanding constant reassurance of my affection, I would feel a lot more affectionate towards her!
So this is the problem: recently an old uni friend of mine has suggested we move in together (in the same city) in late Aug/early Sep, and I jumped at the chance. How on earth do I tell this girl that I am, indeed, “leaving” her? I’m worried she’s going to have a genuine meltdown and I’m going to have to deal with crying/passive aggression/even more clinginess. Should I tell her ASAP to give her some warning, or leave it till the last minute to delay the fallout? How do I break it to her as gently as possible? How do I “manage expectations” about how often we’re going to see each other after I move out?