Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Expecting DD to earn some money when she has the opportunity?

116 replies

PearTree1 · 30/06/2020 16:25

My daughter is 10 and during lockdown we've had to work really hard as we're very busy with our business. She's spent a lot of time in work with us and we just can't seem to get her to help. She'll actually say she doesn't want to be helpful. We've tried to tempt her with things she could earn, money she could save and then just got cross and taken things away as it's so frustrating she is so unwilling to help.
She doesn't get lots so she's not spoiled and there are a lot of things she would like. She just doesn't want to earn them.

Any tips or are we expecting too much? We adopted her 5 years ago and we don't have any other children so we don't have 10 years of parenting experience. We were also desperate to earn as kids so find it hard to understand.

Help!

OP posts:

Haenow · 30/06/2020 22:02

@MintyMabel

Unless you were adopted half way through your decade on the planet and experienced the associated trauma, I expect your opinion is not as helpful as you think!

Honestly, I could kind of get on board if this child hadn’t been adopted 5 years ago. Poor girl.

Haenow · 30/06/2020 22:03

@WhereamI88

I actually don't think you're unreasonable. My parents had their own business and they were there 6 days a week, 10-12 hours a day so I sometimes had to hang out around there. And I did small things to help out but for NO reward actually! It was the family business so if my dad asked me to put price tags on things, I just did it! It was maybe 10 mins at a time, point was more to not let me get bored than anything else.

It may be that this is something you let go, she's just not interested. But you are not a horrible harsh mother at all! Remember this is a very middle class website and the answers on parenting here can mostly be very helpful but also a bit detached from reality sometimes. I wouldn't have posted something like this on here.

@WhereamI88

Interested in your experience with adopted children?

JaniceWebster · 30/06/2020 22:03

Why are people accusing the OP of punishing her daughter for not helping?
because that's litterally what the OP wrote...

using a book as a punishment is against all I personally believe too.

vanillandhoney · 30/06/2020 22:06

I think some posts are being a little bit harsh here. All those people who think this makes her a bad mum need to give their heads a wobble!

OP I think you just need to adjust your expectations - at 10yo she shouldn't be expected to do any work outside of the usual household jobs - tidying her room, maybe helping to lay the table or do laundry, putting dishes away and feeding pets.

Maybe have a look at what she does around the house and say if she wants any extra money she can do certain jobs each week - maybe make them a bit more interesting if you can? Washing the car or the windows may have a bit of a "fun" element to them that she might enjoy? I know I used to love it when my dad paid me to wash his car

I hope you're okay - I think you've had a bit of an unfair kicking here

livefornaps · 30/06/2020 22:39

What did your last slave die of @PearTree1?

easterbunny29 · 30/06/2020 22:44

This is 100% illegal. Even after 13 there are very strict guidelines on how children can work. If you are unclear speak to your council and they will tell you clearly your 10 year old cannot legally do paid work for your business.

imsooverthisdrama · 30/06/2020 22:50

Every time I think I've heard it all on mumsnet i get another cracker .
My 10 year old won't work ,ffs give your head a wobbly most people can't get their teens to get up and do school work .
You adopted her 5 years ago but you do realise she's a child don't you .
If you can get her to tidy her room , do her school work and maybe lay the table help you around the house you'd be winning at life in my book but actual work . Let her be a child seriously.
Please read the comments on here and get a grip

ChrissyPlummer · 30/06/2020 22:58

God! I thought you were talking about someone who was late teens/20s! It is absolutely not OK. Even to do a paper round, you have to be 13 or over and are restricted as to what hours (not before 7am or after 7pm or during school hours). Even child actors are restricted (this is why a lot of babies on shows are played by twins).

Runnerduck34 · 30/06/2020 23:37

I think 10 is too young, some kids will do things like tidy their rooms to earn pocket money but not all kids are interested in earning money, especially at 10.
I would not expect a 10 year old to help with my business , even if it's simple tasks like stuffing envelopes.
Fine if they've asked and shown an interest but i certainly wouldn't push it, they should be concentrating on school work and having fun with friends at 10!

rosiejaune · 30/06/2020 23:42

It's fine for a child that age to help with the family business if they want to (assuming it's age-appropriate/safe work). It is not fine to coerce them to by removing privileges they usually have.

And with the fact that she is adopted it seems even more problematic, like you only took her to train her up as free child labour.

This is very different from that thread about the person whose son was typing letters a couple of times a week. That situation was fine.

MintyMabel · 01/07/2020 11:47

@Haenow (and others)

My response was to those who made the "she's ten!!!!!!" comments as if her age was what prevented her from earning some pocket money.

Only the OP knows her background and whether that would be a barrier. It's not for me or anyone else to suggest she doesn't know her best.

JaniceWebster · 01/07/2020 13:08

Only the OP knows her background and whether that would be a barrier.

whatever the reason, the kid learnt at 5 years old that life wasn't safe and happy and she couldn't stay with her own family. And that's regardless what the background might be.

That's more than enough "life lesson" for a little kid.

GreytExpectations · 01/07/2020 16:19

@JaniceWebster

Why are people accusing the OP of punishing her daughter for not helping? because that's litterally what the OP wrote...

using a book as a punishment is against all I personally believe too.

Except the OP didn't say that. People have been twisting her words. She actually explained she is limiting her DDs screen time (as most parents do) and is giving her the options of helping out or reading a book(which goes towards her school work). Can you please clarify which part of that is punishment?

DoIneed1 · 01/07/2020 16:27

My dh was forced by his mum to help out in the family business from a young age. He absolutely hated it. All it did was make him feel resentful, he remembers it over 40 years later still can't understand why he had to do it.

JaniceWebster · 01/07/2020 16:54

GreytExpectations

I am quoting the OP and then just got cross and taken things away as it's so frustrating she is so unwilling to help.

you can easily read the posts written further..

GreytExpectations · 01/07/2020 17:00