Just found out I have to teach this...!

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

Just had an email from DD(Y6)'s school to say I'm to teach her the sex and relationships unit.
Ok, I'm not a prude but I was not expecting to have the sort of full responsibility of it.

I don't want to make a pig's ear of it or make her scared or embarrassed!

The really pathetic PowerPoint and worksheet they've sent doesn't mention contraception, doesn't even mention the penis going into the vagina.

I'm happy to discuss what needs to be discussed but DD is my quiet, shy one and I know she won't ask questions, she'll just be horrified!

AIBU to just teach the basics and then add things along the way?

I've heard that they'll do it again in Y7 and she's going to be taught it by teachers used to teaching it. Also,

AIBU to think that when they knew schools were closing they could have taught it then, before school closed?

Also, does anyone know of a book/website that might be more helpful for my DD?

[CallmeBadJanet]

@Wellthatwasabitshocking the penis going where the what now?

[Jack80]

I have been to the chat for year 6 girls as boys and girls had a seperate chat. They mention periods and hormone changes not any sexual references then they go into more detail in year 7.

[ExhaustedPigeon]

Not sure if this is a bit late but in a y6 teacher and have just taught this to my class that are in and sent it to pare ta to do at home. I know some of the parents are feeling like you! Honestly though with 3 days notice and the lack of guidance around SATs puberty talks were the last things on our minds.
Things I would take from doing it several times
°use the proper language. It gets easier the more you say it
°explain it clearly. Don't bumble about feeling awkward. Give clear straight explanations and answers. Even if you embarrassed just say it straight.
°It's OK to be embarrassed and giggle.
°Please describe the inside and outside of the girls vagina, womb, labia etc. Nearly half of the girls I have taught did not know they had 3 holes. They assumed babies/sex/periods was via the anus.
°if you daughter hasn't started periods yet go through options. Show her a tampon/pad/mooncup of you have them and show her how to use them. Put pads into pants and how to insert a tampon (on an image!) I find it better to talk about everything even if it seems obvious. Obviously 1-1 you can judge how much she knows already.
°Actual sex isn't part of the curriculum. It's puberty not sex ed however sex inevitably comes up and we answer any questions they have.
°explain what happens to the opposite sex too. Promote understanding and supporting each other. We talk about how embarrassing it can be for boys with voices breaking and erections at awkward moments (emphasis this does not necessarily mean they have been having sexual thoughts) and girls getting periods unexpectedly.
Hope this helps. There is loads of stuff online if you want more. Google y6 puberty talks
Good luck!

[Muncher75]

YYBU! To think that your DD school should have taught it before they realised everyone was going into lockdown!
Sex Ed should be taught in the Summer term and it needs to be taught in a calm and open way not rushed through so it’s one less thing for parents to wash their hands of!
Sex Ed should always start at home with open and honest conversations you are a PARENT!!!!!

[ExhaustedPigeon]

Apologies for the terrible typos spelling and punctuation. I have a 3 year old trying to attach herself to my face!

[ExhaustedPigeon]

FWIW boys discuss wet dreams, cleaning their penis, erections, voices breaking and general body changes- hair etc

[Randomfires]

My daughter is 5 and she knows about periods and how babies are made. How have you never had these conversations before yr 6!!!

[MrsNoah2020]

we’ve just covered the mechanics of sex and he was incredulous & disgusted

LOL, welcome to adulthood, Lad

[Celestine70]

To be honest I'm surprised this hasn't come up already. Just have a matter of fact talk with her not a 'lesson'. It's your responsibility as a parent to not leave this to the school in any case. I also bought my daughter the what's happening to me book. When she's a little older I am going to buy her the girl up book.

[Pogmella]

I thought we’d done a great job explaining how babies are made to our 2 (6, 4). The youngest gave us a quizzical look and asked ‘Can you show me?’ .... errrr....

[YankeeinKingArthursCourt]

OP, good luck with your chats & I hope that they go well.

My son's school started Sex & Relationships curriculum in Yr 3 (& every subsequent year) so hopefully your DD has some foundation for this. They learned about body part names & intercourse in Yr 3, so by year 6 it was more puberty/ body changes, perhaps this is why the power point is limited.

We saw it more as an ongoing conversation, rather than "the talk", so may be best to not feel pressure to do it all at once ( especially given her personality).

[wildchild554]

Tbh this talk is best coming from a parent anyway and I wouldn't worry she might be a bit embarressed and so might you but you can gear it in a way thats more suited to your child as apposed to one size fits all aprroach that would get in school.

[Localocal]

This will not be the only time your daughter gets sex and relationship education. There will be ongoing curriculum on this throughout secondary school, bringing in concepts at the time the school/DfE feels is appropriate. Year Six is a little early for contraception.

Just go over the materials you have been given with her - there is no need to be comprehensive at this point. And if she finds it too embarrassing just let her look through the materials herself and tell her you are happy to answer any questions.

Also, at this stage they try to focus on the relationship stuff more than the sex, so this may be a good time to talk about friendships and how people should treat each other. If she is shy it might be useful to talk to her about the way she should expect other people to treat her, i.e. that she deserves to be treated with kindness and respect and to stay away from people who aren't nice to her. That sort of lesson is super important heading into adolescence and may be something you feel more comfortable tackling.

[pollymere]

The next unit aimed at Y7 was due for Summer Term too. I suspect they'll all be a year behind on the NC view of teaching it. I would be surprised if they don't know already but most are too shy or embarrassed to let on. Maybe just ask if they know how babies get made? Ours started as a chat about DNA resulting in a question about how the Father's DNA gets into the egg as some kids say they know but they mean that it grows from an egg in the Mum. Just have a chat one day don't teach a school unit!

[veryverytiredmummy]

Try and find this (looks like BBC isn't doing it right now). It was great. You can watch it together. www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01j18r6

[SleepingStandingUp]

Maybe they're not watching prograns at 10 that involve sex?

[linsey2581]

What way were you taught? Maybe you could do it that way??

[Aragog]

To be honest this should be something all parents teach their children anyway. It shouldn't be something they come across the first time in school.

I'd use the school materials to ensure you are using the 'correct' terminology. But I also recommend the Usborne books as back up.

[Angrywife]

Good grief, this is basic parenting!!

[Lockdownseperation]

@44PumpLane

It seems strange to me that you'd rather school teaches this rather than you, in my mind this is a conversation that comes from the parent ... But my twins are 3.5 and in however many years time I may feel EXACTLY the same as you OP so I wish you all the luck in the world with it!

All I would say is that whatever you chat through with your daughter try not to appear shy or embarrassed as she'll take her lead from you. Good luck!

I hate to say it but my child knew about sex and contraception before her 4 birthday. She asked so I answered.

[rarathenoisylioness]

Does anyone know what age the usborne boos are suitable for? I have a six year old and she does ask random questions now and again which obviously get answered, but I think she would benefit from also having a book she could mull over in her own time. Apologies for hi jacking the thread!!

[Canyousewcushions]

Another vote for the 'let's talk about' books. We have the yellow one which is too old for my children really but I'd bought it in an actual shop so I could flick through it first and they didn't have the younger one.

It was bought to have a discussion about birth with my then 3 year old as I was about to have her little sister at home. It's sat on their bookshelf since and gets read for bedtime stories when they fancy it. I read in in front of our 20 year old au pair once, and she'd reckoned it had been educational for her too- facepalm!!

It's possibly a bit too young for a year 6 as it doesn't really go into contraception in much detail, or the aspects like it actually being pretty good fun/masturbation etc, which I think probably should be information available to an 11 year old. I think there might be an older version available too.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

Are you sure she doesn’t know already?

I would be amazed that she didn’t know.

I think in my primary school (pre sex Ed lessons) if your mum or dad didn’t tell you then you found out in the playground.

[toxic44]

The total of my mother's sex instruction to me was, 'Keep yourself to yourself.' Long pause. Then, 'If you get yourself in trouble with a man, don't come crying to me. Get yourself in, get yourself out.'
Yes, that was really helpful because I had no idea what she was talking about, lol!

[roxanne119]

I’ve always tried to be very open and honest with my children as my own mother was shockingly bad at anything sexual or todo with periods . I wanted them to be able to ask me things rather than learn bits and pieces of wrong information in the playground . However one daughter took it in her stride one was completely horrified by one of the books I gave her to read ( mummy laid an egg I think it was) and just point blank refused to talk about it . We laugh about it now. The boys were much easier . See if there’s anything online that may help be careful what you type in 😳