Just found out I have to teach this...!

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

Just had an email from DD(Y6)'s school to say I'm to teach her the sex and relationships unit.
Ok, I'm not a prude but I was not expecting to have the sort of full responsibility of it.

I don't want to make a pig's ear of it or make her scared or embarrassed!

The really pathetic PowerPoint and worksheet they've sent doesn't mention contraception, doesn't even mention the penis going into the vagina.

I'm happy to discuss what needs to be discussed but DD is my quiet, shy one and I know she won't ask questions, she'll just be horrified!

AIBU to just teach the basics and then add things along the way?

I've heard that they'll do it again in Y7 and she's going to be taught it by teachers used to teaching it. Also,

AIBU to think that when they knew schools were closing they could have taught it then, before school closed?

Also, does anyone know of a book/website that might be more helpful for my DD?

[Mintjulia]

OP, don't worry too much. The topic is covered again in year 7. My ds (a young 11) has been doing this module in the last three weeks. Thankfully his school has excellent Teams classes and so I haven't had to get too involved. He says the topic is pretty disgusting but that it would have been far worse to have to discuss it with me.

So don't feel like a bad parent if you find this uncomfortable. Children sometimes find it easier to hear from someone else. It saves them from the dawning horror that their parents must have had sex

I told him to ask me if he had any questions, he rolled his eyes and stuffed the book to the bottom of his bag. The questions will come when he's ready.

[neveradullmoment99]

Really? FFS!!

They are your children. It actually should be a parents job to teach their kids. Outrageous. Absolutely your responsibility.

[LaPampa]

Also, I found it easier to do this when they were younger and explained things much as we explain how the digestive system works or whatever. Factually, with no shame or embarrassment. If the person explaining it makes out there is something weird / coy/ shameful about it, that surely suggests to them there is something shameful about it, when surely every child deserves to know factually how their body works, how their species procreates etc.

Also a good idea to talk about consent.

[lilgreen]

Yr 6 is quite basic, focussed on body changes etc. I’d use the school materials. It’s visited in 7,8,9 and possibly 10 so I wouldn’t be going into too much detail.

[Pleasenodont]

I vaguely remember the classes in year 6 but don’t think they really mentioned sex much at all, that was a secondary school thing. Obviously things must have now changed but they mostly focused on puberty in year 6. I remember watching a crap video about a girl growing pubes and starting her period.

[HasaDigaEebowai]

My DS1 came back from the year 7 introduction week residential and told me that some of the kids had been watching porn. So definitely make sure you've covered this OP or she could be in a for a real shock. I'm another one who is amazed she doesn't know this stuff though. mine did it in year 4, year 5 and year 6. It was a particular highlight when DS1 (in year 4 at the time) announced to Ds2 (in year 2) during the morning school run that the man puts his penis into the lady's vagina.

DS2 said "Noooo - don't be ridiculous" A phrase I've repeated to DH when I'm not in the mood..

[totallyyesno]

How old are children in year 6? 9? Surely she knows the basics?

[JeSuisPoulet]

You will be fine OP - she will be curious but prob won't want to ask many questions. Agree with others to use what the school provides but try to make it "fun" rather than acting like you're mortified to tell her This is a really good way to open up conversations like this in the future and with luck she won't feel she needs to hide anything if she needs help or advice.

I'm glad there are other years she will be learning it in too though as I suspect some parents won't bother. Really hard for girls going through early puberty not to have anyone to talk to. You've done the right thing asking for advice here if you are worried.

[Scabetty]

Year 6 is 10 to 11 year olds.

[Candyfloss99]

Schools hardly had any warning before the closed. Also I hardly think they would rush to teach that subject when it should be covered at home anyway.

[viques]

It's a shame schools are outsourcing this to parents, OK lots of parents will be happy (or will do it anyway) to use materials the school has sent home. But some parents for whatever reason, religion, culture, personal insecurity or embarrassment , will throw the materials in the bin and leave their poor kids in ignorance. Also means the school can't lead the talk into other things - like consent - within the class, emphasising how this affects behaviour in school, name calling, touching , sexting etc, which if kids have net already experienced in Y6 they will soon in Y7.

I wonder why they have done it , plenty of time left in the term to inform parents and say they are going to cover this.

[redbigbananafeet]

@SirSamuelVimesBlackboardMonito

Given that schools are asking year 7 children to define "extreme porn" and telling 13yo girls anal sex is totally normal, I'd be absolutely delighted to have the chance to take over all sex ed of my dd. Take the opportunity to teach her about boundaries and active consent.

Yeah I know, it's almost as though those examples don't actually happen in every single classroom ...

[TreestumpsAndTrampolines]

do you have any pets? If it's mechanics you want to teach, going via animals might be a way you feel more comfortable?

Of course in our case (mine have learned age appropriate stuff as we go), following a conversation about why the boy/girl kittens had to be neutered, and what boy cat was up to, DS1 went quiet for a little while, then, having clearly connected the dots, asked 'so, did dad do that to you?'

I just thank God I was driving and he was in the back so he didn't see what was probably a look of panic on my face, and I had something else to be concentrating on (as, suddenly, did his little brother who decided this wasn't something he wanted to think about)

[cabbageking]

Ask her what she knows first.
She may surprise you

It is more about respect, what is a healthy relationship and what is not, Understanding consent,
Channel 4 Living and Growing DVD (How babies are made, Unit 2, Programme 5. Start the video at “So, what does being friends mean to you. Have a nose
The responsibilities of having a baby.
Who to ask if she wants to know anything
How did I begin? Nick Manning and Brita Granstrom 
Let’s talk about where babies come from, Robie H. Harris 
Kids, poem by Spike Milligan 
I love my mother, poem by Benjamin Zephaniah 
KS2 PSHE and citizenship class clips, BBC Bitesize, cartoon clips about puberty, growing up and changing, as well as HIV //www.bbc.co.uk/education/subjects/zqtnvcw

Hope that helps

[YaYaDingDong]

If she's year 6 you should be talking to her about periods anyway. You can combine the two conversations when you explain why we have periods.

[JeSuisPoulet]

Might be a helpful link www.healthpromotion.ie/health/inner/busy_bodies

I'd focus on puberty and basic anatomy of sex and consent. I'm sure they cover "my body" etc which touches on consent from KS1 so this shouldn't be a new concept but in a new context.

[LaPampa]

Does she know about periods and also consent? At 10/11 she may well have friends who’ve started puberty and not having any idea about what’s happening could be alarming.

I was also keen for my children to understand the full mechanics of sex, so to speak, as well as consent, so they fully understood what could be inappropriate should anyone ever try anything, as well as have the language to describe it should they ever need.

Mine also know that not all babies are conceived though sex, (or all born vaginally) not all children have two parents and if there are two parents they could be of any combination. Learning all that as the “norm” early struck me as helpful.

[Etinox]

@viques

It's a shame schools are outsourcing this to parents, OK lots of parents will be happy (or will do it anyway) to use materials the school has sent home. But some parents for whatever reason, religion, culture, personal insecurity or embarrassment , will throw the materials in the bin and leave their poor kids in ignorance. Also means the school can't lead the talk into other things - like consent - within the class, emphasising how this affects behaviour in school, name calling, touching , sexting etc, which if kids have net already experienced in Y6 they will soon in Y7.

I wonder why they have done it , plenty of time left in the term to inform parents and say they are going to cover this.

It's more of a shame that parents are outsourcing this to school.

[AnneOfQueenSables]

Like a PP, I used the Let's Talk book with the bird and the bee on the cover. It's quite funny but covers everything you need. DS joked about the embarrassing books his mum bought (because I got one about puberty too) but actually that meant he talked to his friends about it and they talked about the books their parents had given them. That helped because they were all getting factual information at the same time.

[istheresomethingishouldknow]

Just had an email from DD(Y6)'s school to say I'm to teach her the sex and relationships unit. ... I was not expecting to have the sort of full responsibility of it



You're the parent. it is your responsibility.

Schools only do it now, too, because so many parents are actually failing their kids in this regard. Like so many other things.

[istheresomethingishouldknow]

AIBU to think that when they knew schools were closing they could have taught it then, before school closed?

Yes.

And do fuck off. We had 3 days' notice of the closure and were still in the middle of teaching while desperately trying to stay staffed and combine classes because of numbers of students and staff who couldn't/didn't come in prior to the actual closure.

[nextslideplease]

DDs sex education started early and was pretty basic with gradually adding more as she got older.

So it progressed from eggs in mummy's tummy 'growing' into a baby. Tell mummy if there's anything strange when you go to the toilet. Don't let any boys look at your bum. You might see some blood in your pants but thats normal and tell mum if it happens. Your boobs will start to grow and you will get some hair "down there". You might get sore tummy once a month. Here are the different types of sanitary options, lets try a couple and see how you get on, yes it totally sucks to be a girl but just wait til your pushing a melon out your vag - yes darling that's the type of size it will be.

DD had her first period at 8 and was totally chilled about it. I on the other hand freaked out as I was expecting it to happen at an older age. Thank goodness we had always been open with her. Many parents do not bother til the period actually happens.

[viques]

etinox

its more of a shame that parents are outsourcing this to the school

I agree, but some parents do, for whatever reason, and if the school isn't providing the information then either those kids are going to be woefully poorly prepared for puberty/secondary school or they are going to go looking for information which might end up informing them about stuff they don't need to know about or which is

[JeSuisPoulet]

Come on guys, this poster is asking for help as she wants to teach the right thing. It's the responsible thing for her to do so no point in putting her down. Many parents won't bother and the school know this as they have to get consent to teach the bare bones and many parents specifically take their kids out of school on the days they know this will be happening. Save your scorn for them or even better kindly explain to them why ignorance is not helpful

[NoMoreDickheads]

The really pathetic PowerPoint and worksheet they've sent doesn't mention contraception, doesn't even mention the penis going into the vagina.

I imagine it doesn't include everything because they are going to add stuff in future.

Buy a book and let her read it in private.

@Whoopsmahoot I think this is what my parents did. It must've been quite thorough about the limited stuff it went into. I didn't need to ask anything else.

DD had her first period at 8

@nextslideplease OMFG, bless her heart. I don't think most parents would've discussed periods by then.