Just found out I have to teach this...!

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

Just had an email from DD(Y6)'s school to say I'm to teach her the sex and relationships unit.
Ok, I'm not a prude but I was not expecting to have the sort of full responsibility of it.

I don't want to make a pig's ear of it or make her scared or embarrassed!

The really pathetic PowerPoint and worksheet they've sent doesn't mention contraception, doesn't even mention the penis going into the vagina.

I'm happy to discuss what needs to be discussed but DD is my quiet, shy one and I know she won't ask questions, she'll just be horrified!

AIBU to just teach the basics and then add things along the way?

I've heard that they'll do it again in Y7 and she's going to be taught it by teachers used to teaching it. Also,

AIBU to think that when they knew schools were closing they could have taught it then, before school closed?

Also, does anyone know of a book/website that might be more helpful for my DD?

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

@SlipperSwan

Schools didn't have much notice before they shut.

Be a parent. Parent your child.

Please read the whole thread. 😆😆😆

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

Thank you for your honesty @FreezerBird I was beginning to feel like nobody understood that part of it. Honestly she's a funny little soul but I'm determined to make sure I handle this in the right way.

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

@MagnoliatheMagnificent thank you, that's really helpful.

[LuluJakey1]

DS1 5 1/2 was too little to be interested when DD was born (she is 3) but after DS2 was born (11m) DS1 asked
'How did he get out of your tummy?'

Followed by

'Well how did he get into your tummy?'

DH told him
'He was a tiny egg. Mummies have lots of tiny eggs inside and only a few grow into babies'.
and
' He came out down a tube from Mummy's tummy'.

It seemed to be all DS wanted to know at the time.

[CurlyMango]

Come on, parent your child. Surely it’s not that tough for you and remember there will be many more challenging topics to talk about over the coming years. Enjoy it.

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

Oh @CurlyMango please read the whole thread. I'm going to teach her, I'm doing fine thanks. I asked for a opinions because she's a shy thing and I want to make sure I do it right.

You must be ever so lucky to be such a fabulous parent. I've got three and have taught children for many years too. I'm still learning and happy to ask for advice.

[Fanciedachange1]

I was a shy girl op and one bit of advice i have is to make sure your dd understands everything you talk about and be as clear as possible.

I remember when i started my periods i said to my mum “is this going to last for the rest of my life” and she replied “oh no! It stops when you get old”

I was shocked and scared when after about a week the period stopped! But too embarrassed and shy to talk about it.

[MrsKoala]

Ds1 is nearly 8 and has no idea about anything. We’ve always followed the advice that they’ll ask when they are ready and not to offer information unless they ask. But now we are getting concerned. He recently was telling ds2 (almost 6) that dd (3) had a flat willy because she’s a toddler and as she gets older it’ll get longer like theirs.

When I was pregnant with dd he was 4 and I thought he may ask how the baby gets out, or in. But no. He’s the most uncurious child ever. Ds2 has never asked anything either. I think this year when he goes into year 3 they will start it gently but I can just imagine his horrified incredulous face.

[Letsgetthishousesold]

I honestly have no idea what my 9 year old should know. I’m happy to explain about periods and sex as I would rather she heard it from me and before she gets to the awkward pre-teen stage.

I’m just not sure where I should draw a line. And do I tell her not to mention it to her friends and that is something that we don’t really discuss publicly? I don’t want to mess it up!

[UltimateWednesday]

I think this is a number of things currently picked up by schools that should come under parenting. If you don't like the materials school have provided don't use them but really, it's your job, covid or not.

[Natsku]

For teaching about consent, I bought this book for DD. Had a read through and its quite good, explains consent not just in terms of sex but about having boundaries and medical consent and suchlike.

www.hachettechildrens.co.uk/titles/louise-spilsbury/what-is-consent-why-is-it-important-and-other-big-questions/9781526300928/

[LaPampa]

@MrsKoala and what did you say to them when you heard that conversation? Mine don’t always ask questions straight out, they’ll say something which leads to me correcting or whatever and then they’ll ask questions.

If you said “no, your sister has a vulva and a vagina because she is female” for example, or even “girls don’t have willies” what would / did happen.

[BiBabbles]

Some great resources already recommended.

My oldest was like some on this thread - the kids who don't ask those questions and end up confusing when the advice is generally 'answer when they ask'. My younger daughter has also been like that and is now Y6, so like her older brother, we're going to have some evening discussions with bribery of snacks and activities later.

Having a tickbox of topics to go through with videos and other resources and space for wider discussion (and other things for when it gets all a bit much).

[TiddlestheCat]

Is the Usbourne book a 'lift the flaps' one?

[MrsKoala]

I was right there as they were all in the bath. I said dd was a girl like me so she wouldn’t get a long willy, it would stay flat like mine. (They see me naked when I shower, get changed, at the pool etc). He looked like I was having him on and said ‘but you do have a long willy, a really big one’ I said Surprised ‘no I don’t’ and he said defensively ‘I’ve seen it,’

I think he’s just seen hair and not paid any attention and assumed the rest.

[WithASpider]

Hair in funny places is a great book for pre teens, could go alongside the puberty talk?

My 3 found it fairly easy to relate to and it was a good starting point for conversations. I followed it up with an Usbourne book similar to the ones pp talked about.

[finished31]

I didn't want my DC's to be teased for not knowing (even if it's the basics) amongst their peers.

One of DS class mates in Y5 told the whole class virtually everything info from his big brother and when DS asked at the dinner table does everyone wank I nearly chocked! DH w said Mum explains things better.

I also said write things down they wanted to know or ask me and I changed the language appropriate to their age. I also included consent.

[LaPampa]

@MrsKoala sounds like a good opp to teach him the right words! I can see if you just said your daughters would be flat like yours how that would be confusing because most grown women’s vulva and labia etc isn’t flat — but it’s def not a willy! (I assume ) — I think we have to an extent encourage the curiosity and questions so that they have open minds to ask and learn.

[MrsKoala]

Yes, since then we have discussed the correct words and he just shrugged and got on with whatever else he was interested in. Then a while later he said something about his peanuts hurting, I had to ask what he was talking about and he pointed to his penis. He hadn’t been paying any attention to what I’d said. If he’s not interested in what you are saying he just half listens and makes up the rest to suit him. He has been assessed for asd and takes pretty much everything at face value.

[MrsKoala]

Meant to add - That particular time was not the right opportunity as he was obviously irritated he had been corrected and it was in front of his siblings and our nanny. I can tell when he’s more receptive to new information and when he feels defensive he isn’t. He is convinced he knows more than everyone anyway and hates being told stuff he thinks he already knows.

My point really is some children are just not curious about these things. So when you are told to wait till they ask and don’t overwhelm them it can lead to a situation where they know nothing.

[Valkadin]

Don’t be embarrassed and understand if anything you are helping to protect your child.

[Mintjulia]

@mrskoala I have a ds (11) who has no curiosity about his body at all. He likes the humour of farts but doesn’t ask anything otherwise. We’ve just covered the mechanics of sex and he was incredulous & disgusted.
He actively doesn’t want to know about it.

I don’t think he’ll ask any questions and objected when I gently said to ask me if he wasn’t sure about anything.

At least he has the basics now. I’m going to leave it and see if anything changes.

[rwoollsey]

Not sure why you're being funny about teaching something parents should be doing at home anyway.

It shouldn't fall only to school to teach sex and relationships. I'm shocked you've not spoke about it before tbh.

YABU

[MrsKoala]

most grown women’s vulva and labia etc isn’t flat

Only just thought about this. Mine actually is quite flat, well flattish like dds. Similar slight mons pubis and fleshy labia majora. Only difference from his perspective I suppose is mine is hairy. I haven’t ever looked at another grown woman’s vulva so have no idea if that’s not normal - no doctors have recoiled in horror at mine tho, so I assume I’m the right side of freakish. He decided what he calls his penis (it’s not willy btw I just used that as it’s something most people will recognise). Dd also has a name she uses which no one here has told her, other than vulva.

[claireyjs]

Have a look at betty bus website for periods etc...very good