Just found out I have to teach this...!

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

Just had an email from DD(Y6)'s school to say I'm to teach her the sex and relationships unit.
Ok, I'm not a prude but I was not expecting to have the sort of full responsibility of it.

I don't want to make a pig's ear of it or make her scared or embarrassed!

The really pathetic PowerPoint and worksheet they've sent doesn't mention contraception, doesn't even mention the penis going into the vagina.

I'm happy to discuss what needs to be discussed but DD is my quiet, shy one and I know she won't ask questions, she'll just be horrified!

AIBU to just teach the basics and then add things along the way?

I've heard that they'll do it again in Y7 and she's going to be taught it by teachers used to teaching it. Also,

AIBU to think that when they knew schools were closing they could have taught it then, before school closed?

Also, does anyone know of a book/website that might be more helpful for my DD?

[TiddlestheCat]

Could you tackle it through the medium of mime, if you are worried about saying the wrong thing? 😉

[Aventurine]

[Aventurine]

Or dance
or crafts. (A model of a fanjo made from egg boxes for example

[GameSetMatch]

Well if you don’t want to teach it don’t, give her the worksheet and let her get on with it. I survived 80s and 90s sex Ed which was a short film and no discussion after I’m not scarred for life and I didn’t end up a pregnant teen. If my Mum tried to talk to me about sex I’d have died from embarrassment, I told my mum I started my period, we had no discussion she just left some pads and a book about reproduction on my bed.

I know it’s ‘cool’ to be honest and have frank discussions with your children these days but I’d rather leave it to the professionals.

[rvby]

With a shy child, it can be better to do an activity, and also to be very honest about the fact that it can seem embarrassing. Just be open and empathetic and focus on her, not on you, if that makes sense.

"DD, not sure how you'll feel about this but school says we need to cover off a module about sex stuff. It's usually more comfortable to learn this kind of thing in a big group of kids, but here we are, life is strange." (sit down next to her, pull large piece of paper towards you both) "Let's make a mind map of things(/facts/opinions/etc.) and see if there are any gaps we can fill in together."

Start with a basic fact like "there are three things you need, an egg, a sperm and a uterus" or something neutral like that. Share the task, see what she knows. Use different colour markers for your and her contributions. Be sure to uncover some things from her that you had never thought about, even if it's just her feelings or impressions of the subject, so that at least one branch of the map is in "her" colour.

Alternatively you could give her reference materials and ask her to map something out by herself, give her a few hours or even days, then come back, give her some sticky notes to highlight where things don't make sense, and then work together to fill in those blanks. Just try to facilitate a conversation. Concentrate on her feelings and reactions and don't expend energy worrying if you're getting it right - it's not about that - it's about making her feel she is being taken care of.

My ds has known the facts of life from around age 2-3 due to me introducing books on the subject from as early as possible. It takes effort to open those lines of communication and then keep them open.

Even so, every few months I ask him "where do babies come from DS?" "What's sex?" etc. and you'd be surprised how they overlay all kinds of nonsense onto the facts they've learned... it's a subject that needs to be spoken about continuously imo because our culture has SO much crap in it re sexuality.

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

Ok ok, this is obviously a very touchy subject.

As I said, I talked to DD1 about this perfectly well alongside school.

I'm actually a primary teacher! So you can hate me more for that

I wasn't after a fight, just a bit of advice.

I'm so glad I changed my name, I'm actually a nice poster on here.

I think DD would've found it easier in a group and less embarrassing. I know some of you have taught your kids about sex at 5 or 6 but my DD was playing with fairies and Lego at that age. Perhaps I'm a bit old fashioned.

I will do my best to make it as unembarassing for her as possible.

(Hoping this hasn't made anyone angry either)

Thanks for the tips on the books

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

Oh and she did periods last year and we also talked about it after. I recently bought her some Sanpro and showed her that it was hers in case she started her period. I asked her where she'd like to keep it, she decided to keep it in the bathroom cupboard. I also said she's welcome to take it out and have a look at it.

She's saying nothing to me, but I'm trying.

[veryvery]

I think talking about 'reproduction' is a good starting point. How the body grows and functions in order that we can reproduce when we are adults. Acknowledge the cringing and embarrassment by saying yes, this subject involves a lot of emotions for good reason as reproduction is a big responsibility but you need to know how our bodies work so that you are prepared and can make good decisions in life.

[WeirdlyOdd]

Teach the tea / consent video too. There's also a book about enthusiastic consent by the same author.

Yr6 is quite late to not know the details. We discussed in age appropriate terms as soon as they asked questions about how babies are made etc, aged about 3/4. Then the conversation just becomes a natural one that develops over the years. DD had an Usbourne book about growing up, aged about 7/8 and frequently re-reads it, asking questions from me and her dad, absolutely frankly and with no embarrassment.

[Amummyatlast]

We have the ‘Let’s talk’ book (recommended to me by mnetters) and it’s really good, but it doesn’t cover the changes that happen during puberty. That’s fine for my DD’s stage (who knows the basics, but doesn’t need detail yet), but given the age of your DD, a different book might be better.

My DD is still at the lego and fairies stage, but also knows the basic mechanics of sex and how babies are conceived. I don’t see the two as incompatible - it’s just a bodily function. She finds it interesting and isn’t embarrassed at all, so it’s much easier to teach than later when they start getting all coy about it.

[Georgielovespie]

As I was raised in a strict Catholic household and school most definitely glossed over as much as they could in secondary and my Mother taught me nothing, and I mean nothing, I went with the whole ask me anything and I will answer it but not in relation to myself and sex acts etc.

I bought Mummy Laid an Egg book for when Ds1 was about 5 I think, so both he and Ds2 knew how it happened from a young age. Ds1 asked questions, Ds2 does not ask questions but I just brought stuff into conversation on a regular basis. ie I have a conversation with Dh when Ds2 is in the room so he can hear it but it isn't aimed at him (rabbit in headlights)

School did a hygiene video in year 5 and parents were invited in to watch, so that was wash your body, wear deodorant, you might be sprouting hair. Year 6 video was two cartoon characters chasing each other around the bedroom the man had a feather duster and was tickling the woman, they said sex is fun and pleasurable (all the Mums laughed) they briefly talk about touching yourself feels nice. They have a diagram of a cartoon drawn penis etc and a fully labelled vulva which included the clitoris. Bizarrely that is the one image that kicked a few Mums off about why do they need to know about the clitoris?! Then she get pregnant and grows a baby in her tummy (I think).

In year 7 in Ds1's year two 12 year olds, boy and girl, had sex. This wasn't a bragging oooh look what we did but a social services involved what the fuck are you doing having sex at 12 which led to a special school assembly about consent and pregnancy. Eye. Opening.

In primary school there is usually one child who starts their periods in year 4. We have sanitary bins from year 4 onwards. Good luck OP, as she is starting secondary I would go down the period talk, get prepared now with a little kit. Just because they don't ask questions doesn't mean you can't drop stuff into conversation about an article you "read" code for thing I want you to know.

[WeirdlyOdd]

Has she got a "period bag"? DD has a little wash bag to take to school, sleepovers etc, which contains pads, wipes, spare underwear and tights, plastic bags etc. We've also talked strategies for what to do if she has a leak on her clothes - tying jumpers around her waist to hide a stain, talking to the teachers or the nice receptionist, and that they will help her if needed. She was stressed but now relaxed about it all.

[WeirdlyOdd]

Her period hasn't started btw, it's just in case.

[rvby]

I know some of you have taught your kids about sex at 5 or 6 but my DD was playing with fairies and Lego at that age. I mean this gently OP, but so was my DS... he is now older than that, and still on his Lego and fairy potions... are you aware that sex isn't dirty and sexuality isn't only for grownups? Children have sexuality and have all sorts of feelings and experiences, alongside their Lego, that they benefit from talking about with a trusted adult.

Believing that children are either "innocent" OR "ready to talk about sex" means that you're leaving them open to sexual abuse. Kids can be innocent and playful while also knowing all about consent, sexuality, etc. It's actually quite dangerous to maintain this kind of dichotomy. It puts kids at risk. By the time you think they're "ready", that means they've already absorbed their sex education from their environment, not from a trusted adult who loves them... risky.

[wonkylegs]

The Usborne what's happening to me books - they do a boys & a girls one is pretty good and helps with starting the ball rolling for questions
It covers feelings, emotions, sex, responsibility, body changes etc
It's much better than the stuff they did with them at my DSs school

[ScorpionQueen]

AIBU to think that when they knew schools were closing they could have taught it then, before school closed?

How neglectful of them to not fit in the rest of the year's curriculum in the few days notice they had. I'm assuming you taught the rest of the year's stuff to your own class before schools shut if you really are a teacher?

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

Thanks @WeirdlyOdd, I was going to do a little period bag for her to keep in her backpack for when she goes to school. She's extremely independent and would want to be in control of it all herself if she suddenly started at school. We're ok with periods at least.

DD1 would be in fits of laughter reading this as she knows how DD2 is. Luckily DD1 is in her 20s so is available for chats too.

[Osirus]

I bet she already knows. I knew by then. I probably knew before junior years (lots of older siblings).

They didn’t teach me anything I didn’t already know!

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

@ScorpionQueen

AIBU to think that when they knew schools were closing they could have taught it then, before school closed?

How neglectful of them to not fit in the rest of the year's curriculum in the few days notice they had. I'm assuming you taught the rest of the year's stuff to your own class before schools shut if you really are a teacher?

It's literally an afternoon, chill your beans.
And yeah maybe a bit too much to expect, but a basic PowerPoint and virtually no detail doesn't cut it either. I think a solution in the middle could have been found.

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

@Osirus She's a funny one, you could be right! 😉

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I have 2 boys. I rather thought I'd be able to hand over to the husband when they hit puberty but oh how wrong I was.
DS1 is now 12 and at least halfway through puberty - but he started when he was 10 and the husband basically disclaimed all knowledge of puberty or anything which left me with books and the internet.

There is an external provider in NSW (Inter relate) who provide sex ed for primary schools, but it's a service that we pay for, not a freebie, and isn't always brought in every year.

They teach sex ed at Year 5 level (which for us, is around 9-11, depending on when the child started school). DS1 did get an opportunity to do it as an extracurricular activity, and parents were encouraged to go too. So I did. It was pretty basic and technical and he was thoroughly embarrassed over the whole thing. But he at least has a couple of books too.

I, though, have my own problems with it - I don't now how his bits feel to him, or how they do weird things and which weird things are normal and which aren't! The husband still refuses to get involved at this stage - he might do so later, when DS1 has it all figured out - so it's still down to me, books and the internet. Oh yay.

[LaPampa]

I don’t think Lego and understanding the basic facts of life are incompatible. Mine certainly knows the latter and plays with the former. And is 8.

I’m also totally confused. If you’re actually a primary teacher surely you have the best placed skills to teach her - and can do it without using the schools PowerPoint or whatever they sent. Perhaps you teach a different age group but the skills can’t be that incompatible.

[RavensNest]

I'm sure you'll be fine OP, you're a teacher and you'll instinctively know how to handle this! One thing I'd add is that imho she should definitely be learning about consent in amongst all of this. I don't know if you've already spoken to her about consent in an age appropriate way when she was younger but definitely at this stage.

Good luck!

[gnushoes]

Mine watched a video in y6 which I think was originally made by channel 4 - could you find something like that/ask the school to share whatever they'd have used?
Agree with others, though, that all of mine knew all of it by that point - we were just always very open to answering questions, pointing out pregnant women or animals and being very matter of fact about it. If it's never a great revelation but gradually building knowledge there's no shame or difficulty.

[Sugartitss]

You’re the parent.....