Just found out I have to teach this...!

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

Just had an email from DD(Y6)'s school to say I'm to teach her the sex and relationships unit.
Ok, I'm not a prude but I was not expecting to have the sort of full responsibility of it.

I don't want to make a pig's ear of it or make her scared or embarrassed!

The really pathetic PowerPoint and worksheet they've sent doesn't mention contraception, doesn't even mention the penis going into the vagina.

I'm happy to discuss what needs to be discussed but DD is my quiet, shy one and I know she won't ask questions, she'll just be horrified!

AIBU to just teach the basics and then add things along the way?

I've heard that they'll do it again in Y7 and she's going to be taught it by teachers used to teaching it. Also,

AIBU to think that when they knew schools were closing they could have taught it then, before school closed?

Also, does anyone know of a book/website that might be more helpful for my DD?

[MrsNoah2020]

I know some of you have taught your kids about sex at 5 or 6 but my DD was playing with fairies and Lego at that age. Perhaps I'm a bit old fashioned

You're projecting massively. Presumably your DD knows about other bodily functions like digestion? Did that impair her love of fairies? Why on earth should knowing simple, age-appropriate info about sex interfere with her being a child? No one is asking you to teach her about BDSM and furries. Much better that you tell her than she gets half-truths from friends or finds dodgy stuff online.

[sanityisamyth]

Parents SHOULD be responsible for sex education. You know what they will cope with and understanding, and they are able to ask you questions. Why is it someone else's job, with your DC surrounded by 30 other giggling children?

[welcometohell]

I know some of you have taught your kids about sex at 5 or 6 but my DD was playing with fairies and Lego at that age. Perhaps I'm a bit old fashioned.

My 6yo loves fairies and Lego, we've still managed to have a drama-free chat about how babies are made.

[ProfessionalWeirdo]

My mother gave me a book and fled from the room.

Mine didn't even do that. Whenever I asked where babies came from, she just looked embarrassed and said she'd tell me when I was older. Not that she ever did - I finally found out about it during biology lessons at school (in the equivalent of Yr 6). Even after that, I never felt able to discuss it with her.

But that was a very long time ago. Thank goodness things are more enlightened now.

[veryvery]

But schools do have a very important role.i can understand OP's reticence because as a parent you want to pitch things so that what your D.C. is taught is not out of sync with what their peers are being taught. You don't want your D.C. to be the know it all telling all their friends everything if their friends have not been taught to the same level as children can be insensitive to any concern or worries the new information might cause. School exists as a leveller in terms of children receiving new information at broadly the same time with concerns dealt with in a well considered manner.

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

@welcometohell

I know some of you have taught your kids about sex at 5 or 6 but my DD was playing with fairies and Lego at that age. Perhaps I'm a bit old fashioned.

My 6yo loves fairies and Lego, we've still managed to have a drama-free chat about how babies are made.

I've always tended to take the lead from my kids. If they bring it up then I'll discuss it in a safe and comfortable manner. What I meant by that comment was that it really wasn't crossing her mind and she wasn't asking about it.

Conversely DD1 at that age was running off with my tampons and I had to talk to her about all that.

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

Thanks @veryvery I've actually been chatting since to a secondary teacher friend to see see what they cover in Y7.

I'm only trying to do the best for my girl. It's so important that I get it right, which is why I asked questions on here.

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

@sanityisamyth

Parents SHOULD be responsible for sex education. You know what they will cope with and understanding, and they are able to ask you questions. Why is it someone else's job, with your DC surrounded by 30 other giggling children?

Actually I was kind of thinking parents and teachers both did it. Which is why they involve parents when they usually teach it in school.

If you read my OP you'll see that I want to teach it to my DD, I just want to do it well.

[formerbabe]

My ds is in year 7 now so learnt this last year in year six. Before though, I gave him a book and he read it with me there and asked me a few questions. I wanted him to know before he learnt in school so it wasn't a shock. It wasn't as awful or embarrassing as you'd think.

[veryvery]

I'm only trying to do the best for my girl. It's so important that I get it right, which is why I asked questions on here.

Yes, this is completely understandable. It's the approach that I am inclined towards. We have to be sensitive to not only our own children but those that they grow up around and the discussions that they are likely to have. For this you need to engage with other people and not just simply respond in terms of the information you think your own child is ready to take on board.

[FreezerBird]

To be fair to the OP, I think for many of us the way we've gone about talking about this stuff with kids is responding to their queries when they arise - not sitting down in a 'lesson' type way or having The Talk. So suddenly having to go through a PowerPoint etc suddenly feels very parent-led, when you'd planned for this to be handled in a more child-led way.

Having said that there are always the children who NEVER ASK. My ds was one of these. When he was about 7 I suddenly thought blimey he has never asked me ANYTHING about where babies come from or the like. We got a book (I can't remember which one) and went through it but it felt much more like The Talk, which I'd planned to avoid in favour of a drip feed scenario.

He's 15 now and I still worry about it a bit, that we don't have the sort of ongoing dialogue about consent and the emotional side of things which I'd like to have. Occasionally we still have to have Big Conversations about things during which he stares into the middle distance and then says 'can I go now?'. It's not my preferred way but he's not willing to do general chats and the embarrassment/awkwardness has never been on my side.

[Greenmarmalade]

Don’t leave it for year 7. If she’s absent that week, what then? Or if lockdown catch up screws everything up?

You need to tell her about sex and childbirth before secondary. And i would mention porn so that she knows what it is if/when she encounters it from friends- it’s best to be told it’s not a realistic representation of sex in a relationship.

Tell her about her body and how it is/will change.

Tell her she can come back with questions at any point.

[MotherMorph]

I don't remember discussing any of this with my mum!
She told me about tampons and sanitary towels but I'm pretty sure I never asked (or was given) any more detailed info from her. My DD has asked questions from about age 8 so I've tried to answer questions in an age appropriate way.
DS (who is 10) asked what a tampon was at the dinner table after seeing the fake chat show tampax ad recently!

[flumposie]

I have used the book recommended early in the thread with my year 5 daughter. Sorry but I think it should be a parent's responsibility more than a school's

[Castoreum]

@SirSamuelVimesBlackboardMonito

Given that schools are asking year 7 children to define "extreme porn" and telling 13yo girls anal sex is totally normal, I'd be absolutely delighted to have the chance to take over all sex ed of my dd. Take the opportunity to teach her about boundaries and active consent.

What? I have a daughter in Year 8 and can absolutely guarantee that none of that has happened to her.

[picklemewalnuts]

I did a period pack for my little girl- a book, chocolate, pads, tampons, pants.

It's a nice way into the subject. Everything's better with chocolate!

[Pud2]

AIBU to think that when they knew schools were closing they could have taught it then, before school closed?

Yes, why on earth didn't schools prioritise sparing parents a bit of embarrassment, instead of dicking around, trying to keep students and staff safe in the midst of a pandemic? hmm

Couldn’t have put it better myself! OP, I can’t quite believe you thought this should be the school’s priority??!

[SlipperSwan]

Schools didn't have much notice before they shut.

Be a parent. Parent your child.

[MagnoliatheMagnificent]

I second this website: www.healthpromotion.ie/health/inner/busy_bodies

Easy to understand short videos starting with puberty, hygiene then sex Ed. You can stop and start each section. I'm a nurse and have taught puberty in schools with this program. We do Y5 puberty then add sex Ed on for Y6.

My dd is 10 and very well educated on the subject! We talk about these things a lot in a relaxed way. I'm happy to answer questions on most things which helps. When things come up on tv it's good for discussions too.

[veryvery]

Be a parent. Parent your child

Slipper, I suggest you read more of the thread. This is more complex than just being a parent. Corona aside we don't parent in isolation and our children don't learn in isolation. We have to acknowledge what information our children's peers may expose our children to and what information our children may expose other children to. Children are not always sensitive to any worries and concerns of other children when discussing new information. So we need to be careful that what we teach are children is done with a regard for what their peers are likely to know and any discussions that are likely.

[thunderthighsohwoe]

There was a big change in the PSHE curriculum this year, so many schools were still finalising new plans/materials for this when schools closed. They didn’t have enough time to quickly teach it when they were told about partial closures.

Having said that, I don’t envy you. I’m dreading the day I have to have this chat with our toddler!

[MrsSchadenfreude]

My two were very different. DD1 didn’t want to discuss it, stuck her fingers in her ears and walked out of the room. I bought her a book, which I found hidden in the bathroom under a pile of towels. She was clearly reading it, as the bookmark was moving along quite quickly! DD2 was happy to talk and asked endless questions. She asked if everyone masturbated, and I said, yes, everyone, perfectly normal thing to do. She followed this up with “Even Nanna?” I spluttered a bit and said maybe not to ask a Nanna...

[Finerumpus]

My daughter didn’t really get it when taught it in Y7. We were stuck in a hotel room one evening and watched The Secret Life of the Zoo out of boredom. Then she understood how it happens and we had a good lengthy chat afterwards about the act and the wider implications. It was a really fortunate incident that helped us both out. I can remember that there was a young male leopard or something that was struggling a bit but kept trying. When he managed he swaggered away so pleased with himself. The commentary was really good too. We watched a few more episodes after that until she was happy that she understood stuff.

[UmbrellaHat]

Amazes me that this is taught in schools. My mother never taught me anything nor DDof the school in the equivalent of Y7 but I found out and never felt deprived by the lack of formal teaching 😀

[Wellthatwasabitshocking]

@Greenmarmalade

Don’t leave it for year 7. If she’s absent that week, what then? Or if lockdown catch up screws everything up?

You need to tell her about sex and childbirth before secondary. And i would mention porn so that she knows what it is if/when she encounters it from friends- it’s best to be told it’s not a realistic representation of sex in a relationship.

Tell her about her body and how it is/will change.

Tell her she can come back with questions at any point.

No plans to leave it til Y7. Happy to teach her now. Just getting a few tips.